Blue Heelers quotes

Maggie

PJ, the only stress in your life is choosing what topping you're going to put on your pizza.

Now, that's important.

Sex may dominate your life, but it doesn't dominate mine. Now stay out of my way and stay out of my life!

Dash, you're an absolute idiot.

Tom

Leaving aside, McKinley, the stupidity of thinking you can get rich quick on the pokies, I am far from happy that one of my colleagues has got herself involved in a business deal with a complainant.

Well, it would have been okay if she didn't gamble it all away.

Tom

Well, that is totally obvious.

Tom

Stupid kids!

I was suffering from the delusion that you might have enough sense to keep your pants on while you're on a case.

Been having a roll in the hay? Half your luck.

Tom

Cooper, you can go with Johnny...unless you have an urgent chore like cleaning the toilets.

So, what's your favourite story?

Jack and the Beanstalk.

Maggie

Mother wants son to sell the family cow, he exchanges it for beans, he climbs a beanstalk, he tackles a giant.

Mate, um, yeah, there's this boy, right? And his name is Jack. Well, his mum wants him to get rid of this cow. She tells him to take the cow to this market. And when he goes to the market, he comes back, and he finds, he finds out that he's got beans in the bag! He's got plenty of beans, he's been conned!

What's conned?

Well, it means that the beans are in the bag instead of the money. Now, anyway, Jack's got this girlfriend, this very, very pretty - well, pretty skinny girl, called Olive Oil. And, ah, Olive Oil is, well, she's got this big grumpy man called Brutus and he's a big giant.

That's not the story!

Yeah, yeah, this is the story. That's the story I know. And now this Jack, you know, he's always, ah, eating this spinach because he's a friend of Popeye's. And, ah, and when he eats this spinach, he drops it down, really really big, swallows it down and after he does, he gets all this, he gets all this super human strength!

Maggie

Don't even think about it!

Tom

Oh, right. When Constables start reading your mind, I think it's time to quit!

Oh, nag, nag, nag...you're worse than my mother!

We wouldn't want to do anything we both regret...would we?

Dash

Do you ever learn how to knock?

No need to. I'm six foot four, 16 stone, and I'm a policeman.