PJ quotes from Blue Heelers

Yep, well, I want to die in bed.

Yeah, but whose?

Mine. With a loving wife beside me.

Yeah, but whose?

Maggie

If you're gonna faint let me know.

Yeah, You'll catch me

Maggie

I'll move out of the way.

Come to me my little shortcake, my little cream puff, my little piece of mmmm...

Maggie

Kiss me again and I'll kill you.

Hey, I love, I love a woman with passion!

Maggie

Well, what do you suggest I do with it? Stick it between my teeth? Plus, no one is going to check down there.

Oh well, let's just hope the safety catch is on, because Mamma Hasham is gonna want to have grandkiddies.

So, what do you want, a handshake? We're supposed to be hot lovers, will you kiss me?

Maggie

No.

NO?! I bet Tess doesn't play hard to get!

What, what are you doing?

Maggie

Well, I'm just getting into character.

Maggie

Why does every Christmas turn every driver into testosterone on wheels?

Yeah, and that's only the women.

Maggie

Oh, ha, ha.

Well, it's always been sort of one of my fantasies to get in there and sort of rescue you.

Maggie

Really?

Yeah.

Ah, I was dreaming about you, Doyle.

Maggie

I should've known to leave a sleeping detective well alone.

Maggie

PJ, I'm not the one you have to convince.

Yes, you are. You're the only one that matters.

Maggie

I've thought about this, and it wouldn't work.

I don't believe that.

Maggie

Yeah, you do...can we please keep this professional for both our sakes?

Next thing you're going to tell us that you've been bonking in the cells.

Oh no...we used your office.

Well, women's bodies are not my expertise.

Oh, that's not what I've heard!

Maggie

PJ, the only stress in your life is choosing what topping you're going to put on your pizza.

Now, that's important.

So, what's your favourite story?

Jack and the Beanstalk.

Maggie

Mother wants son to sell the family cow, he exchanges it for beans, he climbs a beanstalk, he tackles a giant.

Mate, um, yeah, there's this boy, right? And his name is Jack. Well, his mum wants him to get rid of this cow. She tells him to take the cow to this market. And when he goes to the market, he comes back, and he finds, he finds out that he's got beans in the bag! He's got plenty of beans, he's been conned!

What's conned?

Well, it means that the beans are in the bag instead of the money. Now, anyway, Jack's got this girlfriend, this very, very pretty - well, pretty skinny girl, called Olive Oil. And, ah, Olive Oil is, well, she's got this big grumpy man called Brutus and he's a big giant.

That's not the story!

Yeah, yeah, this is the story. That's the story I know. And now this Jack, you know, he's always, ah, eating this spinach because he's a friend of Popeye's. And, ah, and when he eats this spinach, he drops it down, really really big, swallows it down and after he does, he gets all this, he gets all this super human strength!