A character in Better Off Ted
Played by Portia de Rossi
Better Off Ted · 96 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Better Off Ted: in 36 of its 96 quotes
Most scenes with: Ted Crisp (18), Linda Zwordling (3), Phil Myman (2)
VeronicaWe're here to talk about Carl Jenkins.
Gordon.
VeronicaWe're here to talk about Carl Gordon.
Jenkins.
VeronicaCarl Gordan Jenkins.
Gordon Jenkins.
VeronicaCarl Gordon Jenkins Gordon Jenkins. Are you sure that's right?
That's fine.
Can't we develop one product that doesn't end up being used to kill people? Even our fat-free cinnamon roll led to that new sticky bomb.
VeronicaYou're so moral and perfect all the time. Do singing birds and mice dress you and brush your hair in the morning?
No. Although my dad does call me "Princess." And there is a grumpy dwarf in my building.
VeronicaA female mentor would have been very valuable for a young Veronica, bursting with potential, yet vulnerable, like a fawn in the woods, but tough, like a fawn in the woods with a machine gun.
So you're saying you, or this terrifying, murderous fawn, could have used some guidance?
VeronicaYes, we would have liked that. We're going to raise more money for this charity than it ever has before. The forest will run red with the blood of woodland creatures who doubted little Veronica and will now pay with their furry little lives.
There's really no middle ground with you. Either you don't care at all, or you care 100-and-crazy-percent.
VeronicaWhat else is there? Now saddle up Linda, and say goodbye to common sense.
No. We're not done here. This woman opened her heart, and that happens so rarely you could hear the hinges squeek. I will not let you slam that rusty heart door shut.
VeronicaGo Linda, release your anger!
You will not crush this woman's spirit and love, you spineless, condescending bureaucrat.
VeronicaGood Linda, only your hatred can destroy him!
You sir, are a bad egg!
VeronicaYes, now strike!
[after headbutting man]: Wow. Where did that come from?
VeronicaI am a good mentor!
VeronicaIt's not fair, all you people with your kids...Pal-ing around after hours, networking, advancing your careers. And I get left behind just because I don't want to turn my uterus in to a human veal farm.
Well, some call it the miracle of life, but okay....
VeronicaWorking on Galaxy Omega would be so exciting—being able to communicate with animals. I've always wanted to tell a giraffe how stupid it looks.
I've always wanted to ask a baboon why they're called baboons; it's such a ridiculous name. Baboon!
There may be other applications, beyond insulting animals. Like, learning about the environment.
VeronicaUgh, don't we have enough humans complaining about that? Now I've got to listen to some hippie bear whining that I'm eating all his salmon!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Better Off Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
