Saul Goodman quotes from Better Call Saul

Hey, you're a scientist, right? So, I have a question: What would you do if you had a time machine?

A time machine?

Yeah. Um... From a scientist's point of view, you can go backwards, forwards, uh... Where would you go?

[looks back at Saul] A meaningless question. [coughs] "Time machine"... Time travel–the kind of time travel that you're thinking of–is a scientific impossibility. It would violate the second law of thermodynamics.

Uh, but what about wormholes?

Oh!

Well, I was watching Nova, and Alan Alda seemed to think—

[stands up] Oh, well then Alan Alda is the expert! Oh, Christ, are you kidding me?! Quantum mechanics? We're discussing that now?! Stay in your lane!

It's just a thought experiment. There's gotta be something you'd go back and change, if you could.

[pause; drinks his water in one sip] You are not talking about a time machine, which is both a real and theoretical impossibility. You are talking about regrets. So if you want to ask about regrets, just ask about regrets, and leave all this time-traveling nonsense out of it!

Okay! Regrets, then!

Regrets?

Yeah.

My regrets. Alright, well... My regrets.

Well... [beat] When I was a graduate student, I started a company with some... [shrugs] at the time, I thought they were my friends. Our goal was to commercialize... discoveries that I had made. And... at a certain point... [pause] I stepped away. I thought I was doing the gentlemanly thing. But little did I understand that they were artfully maneuvering me into leaving my own creation. And, had I stayed, oh... [scoffs] Well, I wouldn't be down here with you.

So, you started a company. Is it still around?

Oh, yes.

Is it successful?

Very.

How could you never tell me about this? We could've done something with this! Wrongful termination. Intellectual property theft. Uh, patent fraud. I mean, I could've sunk my teeth into this!

You'd have been the last lawyer I'd have gone to.

Yeah. Sure. [sits back down]

So, what about you?

What?

Regrets.

Wait, I got one!

You know what? Never mind.

[clears throat] When I was 20, um... 22, I pulled a slip-and-fall outside Marshall Fields. I did! And I was stupid and young, and I was trying to show off. So I hit the ice as fast as I could, I biffed it so hard, I heard a crack! Phew. Wasn't the ice, it was me. [chuckles] I actually hurt myself. I mean, [taps his right knee] my knees have never been the same.

...A slip-and-fall?

Yeah, that's... how I put myself through bartending school.

Right, so... So, you were always like this.