Hey, you asked for me, and I have come. I want to tell you this was a wise move—very smart, because I’m here to help everyone—all parties—but mostly you. Uh, those two detectives—They just gave me an earful. And what they were telling me is—it’s problematic. I’m gonna pitch it back to you so I know we’re on the same page. A neighbor lady saw a suspicious van parked across the street from the Kettleman’s house two nights in a row. She wrote down the license plate. It was your license plate. Cops tracked your van and you, searched it, and found blood on the floor. So... here we are. Um... um... they’re calling the FBI in on this, [Jimmy sits down] which makes it federal. That’s a bad thing, Nacho. That’s–that’s very bad, but if you tell me where the family is, if–if you give them up now—full cooperation, deep remorse—I feel very good about knocking your sentence down to the minimum: 18 years. They take this good-behavior thing very seriously, so start here, right here. Tell me the family is okay. Tell me the kids are okay. [beat] You want to tell me your thoughts and weigh in? Does this sound like a plan that you can get behind?
NachoYou miserable piece of shit. You set me up.
Nacho
You gave my score to another crew, and now you’re setting me up.
I... What the—What? Did the cops beat you? ‘Cause you’re talking like a person with head trauma.
Nacho
You think you’re funny?
What are you saying? Are you saying that you have nothing to do with this? That was your van outside the house. You weren’t there?
Nacho
Yeah, I was there. I was casing the place, figuring out the best way in and out, what time they went to bed. All that. They were fine when I left. That’s it.
You have nothing to do with the Kettlemans?
Nacho
I was never in the house.
What about the blood in your van?
Nacho
They DNA my ride, all they’re gonna find is the blood of your skate-rat twins, plus whatever piss and shit you leaked out when you were in there. Nobody's been in the back of that van since.
Nacho
Here’s what I understand, councilor. I told my plan to one other person. One: You. Now here I am, under arrest. Go figure.
I don’t know anything about a setup or another crew.
[Nacho slams his shackled wrists on the table, startling Jimmy]
Nacho
You know what? I don’t even care. The cops are out there right now, poking into my business, and if they find something on me or my partners, for real, it’s gonna be bad for you. Really bad.
Nacho
You get me out of here today... or you’re a dead man.
[Nacho has been released now that he's been cleared of involvement in the Kettlemans' camping trip]
Well... I believe I did more than what you asked of me, so, uh, that would make us square, yes? Great. You need a ride?
Nacho
Camping? You expect me to believe that shit?
Yeah, I know it. The things people do, huh?
Nacho
They decide to go camping right after I run my little offer by you?
Could be argued that all of life is one great coincidence.
Nacho
Somebody told those people to, um, go camping. Somebody warned them.
They’re very woodsy. And between you and me, they’re pretty rash when it comes to the decision-making. I mean, they're not really the plan-ahead types.
Nacho
Yeah, I'd cut the cute attitude right about now if I were you. You ratted on me. There will be consequences.
Hey, if somebody warned the Kettlemans, it was probably somebody who was worried about those kids.
Nacho
You know how much trouble you caused me?
You didn't need any help getting caught, okay? The neighbor ID'd you. You were sloppy. Any trouble you might have... that's on you. Not to mention the blood in your van. Here's a thought... Ajax, Formula 409! You have no idea the tap dance I had to give those cops to get you out of here. You gave them probable cause out the wazoo. Now, and whoever that somebody is who may have warned the Kettlemans got them out of there before you did anything even more stupid. You should be thanking this good samaritan. Because whoever he is, he did you a favor.
[Mike meets with Nacho at his father's car upholstery shop]
Nacho
How'd you find me? [Mike snorts] Why are you here?
Baseball cards. The way I figure, you saw that midlife-crisis of a vehicle and wisely decided to cut ties with the man, and I don't blame you, I did too, and then you ripped him off. Now, I'm sure those baseball cards looked like an easy way to make a few extra bucks off that idiot–teach him a lesson, too–but you underestimated just how big an idiot you were dealing with.
Nacho
[chuckles] No, I'm pretty aware.
Well, then you underestimated how attached the man was to those cards; so attached, he called the police and reported them stolen. Now, they're nosing around.
Nacho
That sounds like a you problem.
No, I think it's very much an us problem.
Nacho
[starts walking away] Yeah, well, I'll guess I'll just have to take my chances, but... [gestures for him to go] good luck to you.
Y'know, I was hoping you'd see our dilemma and do the right thing... [Nacho shrugs] but I think what we have here is a carrot-and-stick situation.
Nacho
...Oh, yeah? This the stick? Hmm? You come here threatening my family? Huh? Because you're gonna need a bigger stick, old man.
I'm not here to threaten your family... and the name of the stick is Tuco Salamanca. Now, if you don't play ball, so to speak, and Tuco finds out about your little side business... that a big enough stick? However, I'd prefer the carrot. I think you will, too.
She's a little tricky around the corners, so–and you gotta go with the premium gas. I know it seems like a scam, but it makes a huge difference. And I would get here washed at least once a week, and spring for the hand wax. You're gonna want that extra layer of protection for the clear coat. She deserves the best.
Nacho
I'll make sure the boys at the chop shop are real gentle with her.
Nacho
You'd think I'd be caught dead driving that thing? It looks like a school bus for 6 year old pimps.
[Nacho is discussing his plan to have Mike kill Tuco]
Nacho
You got a better plan? Go on, tell me. I'm all ears.
You sure about this? Killing your partner, heh... that's a bell you don't unring.
[Nacho pauses, then pulls back his shirt to reveal something lodged in his shoulder]
Nacho
You see this? You know how I got this? Back in '96, '97, Tuco and I were working with these bikers out of Riverside County. They were selling this peanut-butter crank; real shit, y'know, but cheap, we could sell it as fast as we got it. Anyway... Tuco develops a taste for it, and crank does not bring out the best in people - made Tuco erratic. Our connect was a guy called Dog Paulson. One day, Tuco's settling up with Dog. He decides to put on his lie detector. Dog's like, "What the hell," you know; Tuco just keeps staring at him, then he goes real quiet. "You think I'm an idiot, Dog?" He thinks Dog is supplying his competitor, trying to cut Tuco out. Dog, he denies it, "no way, not me." Tuco doesn't even raise his voice, but suddenly he's got a sawed-off and... right in Dog's face. I was behind him. Sickest thing I ever saw to this day, and this? [pulls back his shirt again] A piece of Dog's skull under the skin, a little piece of him. I tried digging it out, but it's in there pretty good. Y'know, not the kind of thing you go to the doctor's for. The thing about it was... Tuco really liked Dog. Kinda felt bad about it afterwards, but when he's using: [popping sound] Loco, crazy. There's no other way to put it. And he's using again: Crystal, much bigger kick. [shrugs] So... it's like you said. If Tuco finds out about my, y'know, independent ventures... it's gonna be Dog all over again. It's him or me.
[Mike drives to the El Michoacan restaurant after alerting the police of Tuco's location. As he pulls into the parking lot, he hits Tuco's car. Tuco and Nacho notice this and stop their deal inside the restaurant.]
What the fuck? Did you see that?
Nacho
See what?
That old man... just hit my car.
[Mike comes inside while Tuco stares him down.]
Let me see. Um... give me the #4. The pollo, por favor. That's to go.
Hey, you. Hey, gramps! You just hit my car.
[laughs; to Nacho] Check out Mr. Magoo here. [to Mike] Yes, sir. You see that car that you parked your piece of shit next to? That's mine. You just ran into it.
Nacho
Hey! I saw it, too. You gonna stand there and deny it?
I offered to do this the right way. If you can't accept that, then I can't help you. [Tuco takes his keys and throws them to Nacho] Aw, come on, guys!
I'm gonna make this real simple for you. Give me your wallet and maybe you'll walk away from this.
[pause] I'm not giving you a damn thing.
No, homes? [reveals gun underneath his shirt to Mike] Give me your wallet!
Let's just stay calm here.
[laughs] You see me sweating, bitch? [shoves Mike] Wallet! [Mike looks to his right] Wallet! Wallet.
[Mike reluctantly takes his wallet out of his back pocket]
[snatches wallet from Mike's hand and takes out cash] There's like, 400 here!
[Nacho hears sirens in the distance]
You got some crazy lip on you, old man! Your life, worth 400 bucks?
Nacho
Hey, Tuco! Time to bounce!
[Nacho drops the keys, then gets in his van and drives off]
You... are one lucky old man. [Mike suddenly grabs Tuco's boxing gloves necklace] The hell? Let go!
[Mike knocks Tuco's gun away, and the two start a fist fight. Tuco throws several punches at Mike. Mike notices two cop cars pulling into the parking lot as Tuco beats him]
OOfficer
Hands up! Now! On the ground!
[bloody-faced] That all you got?
OOfficer
Get on the ground!
[Tuco laughs madly and lands a punch to Mike's eye]
[Mike opens his door to find Nacho with Hector's money]
Nacho
I volunteered. Only safe way for us to talk.
[Mike lets him in and counts out the money]
Nacho
You really pushed it in there. That thing we did? He finds out, we're both dead. You get that, right?
[playing dumb] What thing we did?
[Nacho nods and goes to leave, but stops when Mike holds out some money]
Nacho
What's this?
Nacho
What for?
We made a deal, I didn't hold up my end. Your problem is coming back sooner than we expected.
[Mike meets with Nacho at their usual place]
Nacho
I've got something I need to know, and I need to know it fast.
Nacho
We got hit the other day. A truck headed south got hijacked. Someone stole a quarter of a million. Now Hector's flippin' out, lookin' for who did it. Thing is... I think it was you. They left the driver hog-tied, not a mark on him. Anyone in the game would've capped him without a second thought. But this driver? He's still breathin'. I thought to myself, "Who's the guy who'll rip off a couple hundred thousand in drug money and leave a witness? Who's the guy who won't pull the trigger? You." I'm not here to squeeze you. You wanna rip off the cartel, that's your business. But here's the thing. I'm picking up that driver, Hector's orders. We're gonna see what he knows, and if he knows you, that's bad for both of us.
That shouldn't concern you.
Nacho
But he was in on it, right?
The driver had nothing to do with it.
Nacho
Then who?
Nacho
You're telling me you did this without someone on the inside? Not possible. How did you know about the truck? How do you know about the tires?
All I can tell you is, you guys aren't half as smart as you think you are.
Nacho
So the driver doesn't know anything?
Nacho
He hear your voice?
Nacho
Right now, Hector's looking at the competition, but he hears the driver say it was some old gringo...
He didn't hear me. He saw a guy with a ski mask, that's it.
Nacho
And you're sure of that?
Nacho
You better be right. [starts to walk away]
Why wasn't it in the papers?
Nacho
What?
The truck robbery, the cops keeping it out of the papers?
Nacho
The cops? The cops don't know shit about it.
Nacho
Is that... what this is about? You wanted to put the cops onto Hector? Why?! You are nothing to him! He forgot all about you!
Nacho
You put me in the shit... just 'cause you got it in for Hector Salamanca? [reaches for his gun] Listen, you put the cops on him, you put them on me. Doing it for the money, I get it, but this shit? That's insane.
You need to calm yourself down... and you need to take your hand out of that pocket.
[Nacho moves his hand away and rubs his head in frustration]
And just so you know, it's over. I'm done with your boss.
Nacho
[sighs] Whatever. [starts walking away]
Why wasn't it in the papers?
Nacho
[stops] 'Cause we cleaned it up.
Nacho
We got lucky. After you left, a good samaritan came along and said "Oh my god, oh my god." He cut the driver loose. The driver calls us, we came out, got the truck... made it like it never happened.
...And that good samaritan?
Nacho
Hector shot him in the face. We buried the guy out in the desert. Like I said, we cleaned it up.
So your father, his shop. Where does he get his upholstery?
Nacho
...From, uh, the distributor.
And where is the distributor?
Nacho
...Jalisco.
Jalisco. Uh, I want a new way to get my stuff over the border, a legitimate business.
Nacho
Right, but the chicken man...
Temporary. I want a new front, my own.
Nacho
Don Hector, my father is a simple man. He is not in the business.
Nacho
Don Hector, please...
Don't worry about it, I take good care of Poppy. He make good money, a lot more than with his little sewing machine.
[Arturo enters to deliver some news to Hector.]
Lionel talked to our guy in Los Lunas. Looks like Tuco knifed a guy. But he definitely broke a guard's jaw. They got him in solitary.
What?! All he had to do was six months! He'll be in there forever! [knocks over the table] Aah!
Nacho
Really?
He called me... for obvious reasons.
Nacho
Look, I'm not here to rip him off. He has the stuff, right?
I need to know what you're planning.
Nacho
What's it matter to you?
I know they're for Salamanca. Nitro pills. Your boss has heart problems.
Nacho
You already got it all figured out. Why are you asking?
How are you going to make the switch?
Nacho
[sighs] Hector keeps the pills in his coat pocket. When he hangs up his coat, I'll make the switch.
Hm. He goes down, then what?
Nacho
His heart goes out, that's it.
Lot of eyes on Salamanca. You do this, how are you going to stop them from finding out it was you?
Nacho
Are you trying to tell me not to do this?
I'm not telling you anything. Just want to make sure you know what you're getting into.
Nacho
I'm not "getting" into anything. I'm in it. I've got no choice. Hector wants to use my dad's business. My dad is a straight-arrow, he won't stand for it, which means he goes to the police, which means... he's a dead man. And that's not happening.
You get caught, it could get worse.
Nacho
You don't think I know who I'm dealing with?
[Mike goes to Nacho's van and takes out the gas cap]
Nacho
What are you doing?
[Mike pries open the gas cap to find nothing inside, then puts it back]
There are more people than the Salamancas to worry about here. Now, if you manage to pull this off without a bullet to your head, and switch those pills... then switch 'em back.
Nacho
"Switch them back." Why?
Anyone gets an itch about the medicine not working, they're gonna check those pills. You do this - switch them back.
Nacho
...So. You gonna let us make this deal?
You got the money? [Nacho takes an envelope out of his pocket] Good. Now, before we do this, I'm gonna need one more thing from you.
[Mike takes out his notebook and clicks his pen]
[Nacho is sitting at a table in his father Manuel's kitchen with a glass of milk. His father approaches him. The dialogue is in Spanish.]
Nacho
Hey, Dad.
I was falling asleep to the news.
Nacho
Yeah, I know.
[Manuel sits across from his son]
Nacho
Papa. A man is going to come to your shop. Soon. A bad man.
Nacho
He'll want to run the place for a while. And you'll have to let him. Do you understand?
Nacho
[beat] Hector Salamanca.
Nacho
I've been working for them again. I know what you're thinking. You can scream at me, disown me, never speak to me again. But whatever happens, you must do what he says. I know what you're gonna want to do. But you can't. You can't, Papa. Do what he says, this will blow over in a few weeks. If you don't... I swear. I swear it will be over soon.
How can I believe anything you say?
Nacho
Promise me you won't do anything stupid. Promise me, Papa. Please.
[beat] Get out of my house.
[Nacho quietly gets up, empties the glass of milk into the sink, and leaves.]
[Gus and Juan Bolsa meet with Nacho and Arturo at a Los Pollos Hermanos warehouse after Hector's stroke. The dialogue is in Spanish.]
[to Arturo] You I know. [to Nacho] You I don't.
Nacho
Ignacio.
Don Hector had a stroke. We don't know when he will be back. But listen to me: Salamanca territory stays Salamanca territory. Nothing changes. Collections continue as before. The count must be exact. Anyone crosses a line, you stop them. You have a delivery tomorrow night. You pick up, you package, you distribute. All as you've done before. Do you understand? [Nacho and Arturo both nod] You do this right, things could go very well for you. Go.
[Nacho and Arturo both leave the room]
The old bastard, he's always been trouble. But he keeps his house in order. Gustavo. What do you think?
Someone will move against the Salamancas. Which brings... war. Which brings... chaos. Which brings... the DEA.
[Manuel comes home from work to see that someone broke in, sitting in the kitchen. The dialogue is in Spanish.]
Leave now. I don't want you here. Leave. Answer me! I don't want to play games. I told you to get out of my house. You must go, right now!
[Manuel turns on the lights to see Nacho bandaged up]
...My God. Mijo? What have they done to you? [picks up a phone]
Nacho
No.
Nacho
Papa. Please. Don't call anyone. I won't be safe if you do.
[Manuel reluctantly hangs up]
Nacho
I'm okay. Can I rest here a little?
Better Call Saul · 283 quotes
