[Jeff runs around a maze in the outline of a mall. Saul, on a loudspeaker, shouts directions to him.]
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! One, Armani suits and run! Two, Air Jordan shoes for you! Three, linen shirts for free! Four, cashmere sweaters out the door! Five, Patagonias to survive! Six, swanky sweatsuits in the mix! HALT!
[Jeff stops, panting heavily]
That's too many, you gotta be precise! Just three of each.
Why? And why do I gotta run around like an asshole?
I already told you! Three minutes, got it? That's our window!
Yeah, but why three minutes?
Because at three minutes, that's when security sees you on the cameras and the cops haul your ass to jail, alright? So let's go.
Sure there's cameras! They erase the tapes every seventy-two hours, so that's why you only take three of each, and only the pricey stuff. When the store opens the next morning, they won't even know they were robbed. By the time they do inventory, abra-cadabra, no more Jeffy on the tape! Right, so, three items, three minutes... It's easy. Let's go.
[Jeff walks back to the start of the maze]
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered!
Just, this whole thing, it seems crazy!
Is this too hot for you?! Ju–You know what, just say so! You know what? Screw it. "Crazy?" I'll tell you what's crazy! Fifty-year-old high school chemistry teacher comes into my office. The guy is so broke, he can't pay his own mortgage. One year later, he's got a pile of cash as big as a Volkswagen. That's crazy.
BuddyI'll do it.
Buddy
I think it'll work.
Well, look at you! Hey, you're young. You're probably, uh... Fast in the feet, huh?
Okay, I–I didn't say I wouldn't do it! I just... Had some questions about, like... logistics.
[sighs] Okay, back to one. [speaks into the loudspeaker as Jeff sets himself up] Check, test, one-two, one-two. Okay! And ready, set, action!
[Jeff begins running again]
Move, move, move! Pick up the pace! Go, go, go! One, Armani suits and run! Two, Air Jordan shoes for you! Three, linen shirts for free! Four, cashmere sweaters out the door! Five, Patagonias to survive! Six, swanky sweatsuits in the mix! Let's go, let's go, let's go!
You guys enjoying yourselves? Well, hold on to that feeling, 'cause this is it.
Well, in case you forget, you transported stolen goods with a value exceeding $5,000. And the truck you used to do it was rented in Council Bluffs across state lines.
You told us to rent the truck over there, so—
[motions for Jeff to stop talking] Theft from an interstate shipment, up to ten years. Transportation of stolen goods, another ten years. Sale of stolen goods, ten years. Conspiracy to commit a federal crime—
Buddy
Whoa, hold on. Conspiracy? It was your idea.
Yeah. It's called mutually assured destruction, so... if I go down, you go down.
Man, you don't have to threaten us. We're all friends here.
I am not your friend. And if you get greedy, and you decide to come back for more, don't. Gene Takavic, you've never heard of him. Cottonwood Mall, you don't go there. You see me comin', you cross to the other side of the street.
Now, I need you to say it. We're done.
Say it. We're done. Say it.
[beat; looks at Buddy briefly] We're done.
Buddy
[pause] We're–We're done.
[Saul learns that Jeff's friend, Buddy, bailed on one of their scams and confronts him in the garage behind Jeff's house]
You're kidding me! Absolutely kidding me!
Buddy
I'm sorry, man. I couldn't do it.
Do you know how much time, how much effort I put into finding the perfect mark?! I have to weed through all these saps who have wives and families at home! Find somebody who's alone, with money! And what—So you can just wimp out?!
Buddy
The guy has cancer, man! I found pills in his pocket, okay? The same ones my dad took. For, like, pancreatic cancer.
So a guy with cancer can't be an asshole? [scoffs] Believe me! I speak from experience!
Buddy
I can't rip off a guy with cancer. I'm sorry.
Do you know how many of the suckers we've ripped off had sob stories?! Every single one of them! Besides, it'll be months before they even realize they've been taken! This guy will already be dead! So please get back in your truck, go back to the house, and finish the job!
Buddy
[beat] No, man. I can't do that! I can't!
Alright, I get it! You'll get over it, okay? Please, believe me. Before you know it, you'll forget all about it. [softly] Go.
Buddy
Look, we're doing really well, right? Hear me out, okay? I mean, we're rolling in cash! We can just let this one go!
Buddy
[sighs] Yeah, but I... I pulled the tape when I left! The door's locked! We couldn't get back in even if we wanted to! [Saul angrily slaps the top of Jeff's car] Jeff, come on, man! Back me up here!
Oh, well, I... I don't know. I mean, I can see both sides kinda.
You know what? Forget it, you're fired. Just go! Just give me the camera and go!
Buddy
[hands Saul his camera] Fine.
GOOD! Go, we don't need you! And I know I don't need to tell you this, but since you're such a goddamn amateur, I will anyway! Keep your mouth shut.
[Buddy gives Jeff one last glance before leaving the garage]
[to Jeff] If we're gonna do this, we should leave now.
...We're really gonna go back there?
What did I just say? Jeff, are you in or out?!
Better Call Saul · 283 quotes
