Rich quotes from Better Call Saul

Mr. McGill, Rich Schweikart of Schweikart and Cokely. We're the law firm representing Sandpiper Crossing assisted living. How are you this evening?

Jimmy

Quite well, thank you. How are you?

Rich

Doing fine. I'm sorry to call so late. Did I catch you at a bad time?

Jimmy

No, no. No, it's fine.

Rich

It's just that you're whispering.

Jimmy

I'm at the opera.

Rich

Oh? What opera?

Jimmy

Magic Flute.

Rich

Mozart, lovely. Well, I'll try not to keep you. We received something from you today, and we're not quite sure what.

Jimmy

It's a demand letter.

Rich

Ah... Well, it was a little confusing 'cause it was written on...

Jimmy

Well, I had to write it quickly because your clients were in the process of destroying evidence!

Rich

Mr. McGill, if you're talking about "shredding documents", it's neither irregular nor illegal. Every business in America does it.

Jimmy

You say potato, I say spoliation.

Rich

Maybe you should walk me through what you're alleging here.

Jimmy

I believe it's all in the letter.

Rich

Uh, I–I'm not saying it's not, but it's a bit hard to read. Next time, I'd use double-ply.

Jimmy

Let's not fixate on the medium, okay? Let's look at the message. Now, your clients are facing multiple counts of elder abuse, and fraud, and deceptive and unfair trade practices, and that's just the start, okay? I'm not a betting man, but I bet the farm I'll find more.

Rich

Mr. McGill, are you related to Charles McGill?

Jimmy

He's my brother.

Rich

Yeah? How's he doing these days?

Jimmy

I–I fail to see the relevance of this.

Rich

Well, frankly, the only reason that I made this phone call was out of respect for Charles, on the off chance that you might be related to him. My partner suggested that the best response would be to send a Rule 11 letter and have you sanctioned, but I didn't want to jump to that immediate length.

Jimmy

How about you stop trying to rattle my cage and just, you know, respond to the merits?

Rich

This is my response, Mr. McGill. You have no good-faith basis to threaten any litigation. This is a shakedown, and we both know it. Now, if you push this any further, my hands will be tied. Sorry for interrupting your evening. Enjoy The Magic Flute.

Jimmy

[after Schweikart has hung up] Blow my magic flute!

Rich

Well, let's get started. We've read your revised demand; it's quite a laundry list, very creative.

Jimmy

Yeah, creative. Like the way your clients have been billing my clients? Because that's, like, Salvador Dali creative.

Rich

That's cute–you know you're not gonna make this stick. Setting aside evidentiary concerns–

Jimmy

Whoa, your guys couldn't afford ten bucks for a padlock? That's on them: public property.

Rich

Maybe a judge sees that your way, maybe he doesn't, but the damages for elder abuse? The statute requires proof that there was some undue influence. Someone threatening the residents of Sandpiper Crossing.

As far as I understand it, no one has claimed that there was a guy with a knife telling them to hand over their lunch money.

Rich

There are a lot of assisted living facilities out there that may be disreputable, but that's not the case with our client, not even close. All their facilities, all 12 of them, every single one, five-star rated. You go to any one of them right now, and you know what you'll see? You'll see happy, healthy residents. Sandpiper takes care of these people, they don't bilk them...but, we looked into it and some of your clients have, in fact, been overbilled. It's a–it's an accounting error. It doesn't rise to the level of fraud–not even close.

We've calculated the damages. All told, it's $46,320.

Rich

Mhm. So, here's what we're prepared to do: we're gonna make your clients whole. A check for the 46 and change right now, and on top of that, we'll give you another 46K to cover your expenses. So what's that, 92? Let's call it $100,000, even. We admit to no wrongdoing, and your clients release all claims. [leans back in chair]

Jimmy

I think you're gonna need to do better than that.

Rich

Ah. This was in your demand letter. They're syringes. So? I-I don't know if you know this, but that's a pretty standard item in an assisted living facility.

Jimmy

Correct, but it's not what it is that matters. It's where it's from.

Rich

Lincoln, Nebraska?

Jimmy

Go Cornhuskers. [beat] Well, since you're not picking up what I'm putting down, I'll explain it to you. Nebraska, although they both begin with the letter N, actually turns out to be a different state than New Mexico, so your client accepted shipments across state lines for its enterprise. I-in the U.S. mail, no less!

Rich

Are you trying to make this a RICO case?

Like our client is John Gotti, or something?

Jimmy

Well, you know as well as I do, RICO's used mostly for business beefs. Sedima establishes a pretty low threshold for RICO provisions to kick in. Interstate commerce is a bitch, huh? As soon as we establish a pattern to–what was your word–uh, "overbillings?" I prefer the classic term of fraud. You're looking at treble damages, so your 100 grand? I think you know where you can stick it.

Rich

...Will you give us a moment?

Rich

Well, what number exactly did you have in mind?

Chuck

Twenty million.

Rich

Excuse me?

Chuck

You heard me.

Rich

Oh, you can't expect-

Chuck

Twenty. Million. Dollars... or we'll see you in court.

Rich

I have to say, watching you in court today. It sure did bring back some old memories for me. One in particular, anyway.

Kim

Yeah?

Rich

I was a year out of law school at this firm in Boston, and I was finally out on my first big case: this huge employment discrimination suit, that thing kept us in billing for a decade. Anyway, we landed this monster, and I find out I'm second chair to one of the partners on the preliminary hearing. And I think, "This is it. This is what will define the rest of my career." So, the hearing's getting closer and closer - I even get this new suit that I can't afford, I split it over three credit cards. I'm probably still paying it off to this day. So, I go in bright and early. I'm wearing my new suit, prepping my table, and in walks the opposing counsel. There's four of them: one senior partner and three high-level associates. These guys have been litigating longer than I've been alive, but I think: "Ehhh, I'm good. I got my boss coming, it'll be fine." So I'm sitting alone at my table, waiting for my boss to show, and I'm waiting... and I'm waiting... and then suddenly, they're calling us to order, and I realize that no one from my firm is coming—it's just me. So I think, "Alright then, this is the moment!", and I get up there and I argue like my life depended on it. I'm sweating, and I'm arguing statutes left and right, and I'm doing okay, respectable. But I'm just a BB gun to these four howitzers... and I lose, of course. It was inevitable... but later it hit me... that my boss never intended to show. And they laughed about it; they patted me on the back, said it was my trial by fire, and I laughed with them, but y'know, it never really sat well with me. You want them to have your back. Because at the end of the day, it wasn't about proving my mettle - my boss had a tee time he didn't want to miss. I wasn't there long.

Kim

...Could I ask why we are here?

Rich

You know, I've had my eye on you for a while. Since that Kettleman thing. It was an excellent deal you got for them, and I'm wondering... why someone who can put together a deal like that is arguing a losing position with no backup.

Kim

I have no complaints about HHM.

Rich

That's great. However, if on the off chance that you're pondering a change, Schweikart & Cokely would be more than happy to put your talents to good use.

Kim

Uh—

Rich

Of course, we'd have to have a more formal meeting, work out specifics, but we think you would be a great fit.

Kim

Well, I'm flattered, but there's clearly an ethical issue here.

Rich

Well, of course, we'd take you off Sandpiper, and rest assured - we wouldn't be expecting any information about HHM's strategy. Look, we're a large, diversified firm; just think what you could do with our resources, and the freedom to really spread your wings.

Kim

[beat] That's... I owe a lot to HHM.

Rich

Your tuition debt? We can take care of that.

Kim

That's very generous.

Rich

Well, give it some time to think about it. You give me a call and we'll set up a meeting with the rest of the senior partners, and to be clear... we're talking partner track.

Rich

[to Kim] I'm thinking you could take a break from Mesa Verde.

Kim

A break?

Rich

Actually, a pair of mineral rights beefs just came in. They practically have your name on them. You can split your time between that and your pro bono clients.

Kim

Mesa Verde is my client.

Rich

And they still will be. I'll just step in and take point, just on a temporary basis. And, of course, it goes without saying, this won't affect any of your compensation. And that includes your bonus.

Kim

You know, Mesa Verde is fully informed of any potential conflicts. Kevin signed it off himself.

Rich

Still, I think you're going to need to take a break. [gets up to leave]

Kim

I don't understand where this is coming from.

Rich

Don't you? [pause] Kim... Sometimes the less said the better.

Kim

And why is that?

Rich

Do we have to?

Kim

Yes, we do.

Rich

Alright. First, I had to twist your arm to get you down to Tucumcari for the eviction. Then, you put the full court press on Kevin to change sites. That doesn't work, and–abra-cadabra–your boyfriend's opposing counsel.

Kim

I told you, I explained the situation to Kevin and Paige.

Rich

Yeah, I know you did. And I'm sorry to say... I'm just not buying it.

Kim

Rich! Rich, hold on! What are you saying exactly?

Rich

Let's talk in my office.

Kim

You are accusing me of something! Go ahead and say it! Are you talking about malfeasance? Working against my clients' interests? What?

Rich

Please...

Kim

Rich, tell me! You know I worked my ass off to get here. You know that!

Rich

Yes, I do know.

Kim

So, tell me! Please tell me why I would risk everything for some squatter? Why?! I don't understand. Are you–Are you trying to protect the firm? From what?!

Rich

Kim, I am not trying to protect the firm. I am trying to protect you.

Kim

I don't need your protection. I need to represent my client!

Rich

[pause] If that's how you want it.

[in the commercial] My bank took my home over a technicality! And I never missed a single payment! It's not right, it's un-American!

[in the commercial] Yup!

Jimmy

[in the commercial as Saul Goodman] Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Have you or a family member been wrongfully evicted from your home by Mesa Verde? Then you may be entitled to a large cash settlement. Call 505-503-4455 today!

Kevin

Are you kidding me?!

Paige

None of that is true! It's defamation!

It's libel!

Kevin

That's my father you're making a fool of!

Kim

Jimmy, turn it off! You know you can't do this!

Jimmy

[as another commercial starts] Shh, this is a good one.

[in the commercial] I went into my bank to withdraw cash for groceries, and I came out with a rash. I–I can't stop itchin', it's everywhere!

[in the commercial] Yup!

Jimmy

[in the commercial as Saul Goodman] Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you or a family member visit a Mesa Verde branch and come into contact with black mold? Then you may be entitled to a large cash settlement.

Paige

There's no way in hell you can legally run these!

Jimmy

Hmm, maybe. But, you know, we'll fight it out after they run in New Mexico, Arizona, Utah, Texas...

Rich

No. No, we will stop it before it ever gets that far.

Jimmy

Some might call that prior restraint. You know what? You could stop us. Some news outlet will pick it up, they'll run for free.

[in the commercial] ...went into my bank to open my safety deposit box, and Mr. [bleep] was standing there with his pants down! Bare genitals!

[in the commercial] Yup!

Kevin

My dad never ever did anything like that!

Paige

None of this is true. This is all fantasy!

Kevin

It doesn't matter. This trash airs, our reputation is in the toilet!

Kevin

Stop! Stop it! That's enough of this horseshit! Jesus!

Jimmy

There's lots more. You know, I can leave you this one because I got plenty of copies.

Paige

What do you hope to gain with all of this?! We agreed to Acker's ridiculous demands, and you... don't run this garbage?!

Kim

It's illegal to do that. No lawyer can play one case off another. [to Jimmy] It is unethical and it is blackmail!

Jimmy

She's right. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. [turns lights on] Which leads me to my next topic. [opens photo book] This is...Olivia Bitsui. She is a photographer; in fact, she took this self-portrait. It's really lovely. [turns page to show a man on a horse] Here's another picture she took fifty-four years ago.

Kim

Kevin, say nothing.

Kevin

Kim, I got this.

Kim

Kevin, I am strongly advising you...

Kevin

I know this picture...

Kim

Kevin!

Kevin

...my dad bought it fair and square! I have a copy of it hanging in my office at home!

Jimmy

I think we all just heard Mr. Wachtell admit that he owns a copy of Olivia Bitsui's photo. A photo that looks remarkably like the official Mesa Verde logo!

Kevin

That's right. We own it!

Jimmy

You own a copy of the photo, you don't own the rights to it! That's copyright infringement!

Rich

You'll never be able to prove that!

Jimmy

Well, you know what? [walks back to the projection on the wall and holds the photo up to a still of the Mesa Verde logo] Wow. Looks like a mirror image there. So, I think I can convince a judge and probably a jury that Mesa Verde misappropriated Ms. Bitsui's intellectual property. [to Kevin] It's not your fault, sins of the father. But... we filed an injunction, so you're gonna have to take down all your horsey logos or throw a big tarp over them til we can get this thing settled. Shouldn't take more than... I don't know, a couple of years? We'll be seeing a lot of each other. Til next time.