[Saul, now going by Gene Takavic, is confronted by Jeff after he unexpectedly shows up at his home]
JeffDude, what the fuck?!
I know, it's awkward, right? But you don't have to call me Dad. Yet.
Jeff
I don't know what this is about, but all I have to do is pick up the phone and it's "Bye-bye, Saul Goodman."
Yeah, but you haven't picked up the phone yet, have ya? Or tried to strong-arm me for cash. And guess what? I know why. Because reward money–blackmail–that's not gonna tickle your pickle. I know what you really want.
Jeff
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Jeff
The game? What—what game?
The game. The one you've been watching your entire life. You got your nose pressed up against the glass, peering in while the big boys play.
Jeff
Speak English, man. What the hell are you talking about?
The game. It's right there. You can see it, but you can't touch it yet. [pause] Cars, clothes. The cash, the ladies. It's about knowing all the angles, you know? Putting it all on the line and winning big. But here you are, Jeffy. Standing outside with the suckers, trying to pay off that cab, sweating the bills. You're getting older. It's–it's so close, but dammit you just can't get in! Until now. I can make it happen.
Jeff
[beat] You?
Saul Goodman. [pause] So, here's the deal. I will show you the game, and then we're done.
[Jeff stares at Saul for another moment before smiling]
[Jeff runs around a maze in the outline of a mall. Saul, on a loudspeaker, shouts directions to him.]
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! One, Armani suits and run! Two, Air Jordan shoes for you! Three, linen shirts for free! Four, cashmere sweaters out the door! Five, Patagonias to survive! Six, swanky sweatsuits in the mix! HALT!
[Jeff stops, panting heavily]
Jeff
What?!
That's too many, you gotta be precise! Just three of each.
Jeff
Why? And why do I gotta run around like an asshole?
I already told you! Three minutes, got it? That's our window!
Jeff
Yeah, but why three minutes?
Because at three minutes, that's when security sees you on the cameras and the cops haul your ass to jail, alright? So let's go.
Jeff
Wait, there's cameras?
Sure there's cameras! They erase the tapes every seventy-two hours, so that's why you only take three of each, and only the pricey stuff. When the store opens the next morning, they won't even know they were robbed. By the time they do inventory, abra-cadabra, no more Jeffy on the tape! Right, so, three items, three minutes... It's easy. Let's go.
[Jeff walks back to the start of the maze]
Jeff
Three.
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered!
Jeff
I don't know...
Jeff
Just, this whole thing, it seems crazy!
Is this too hot for you?! Ju–You know what, just say so! You know what? Screw it. "Crazy?" I'll tell you what's crazy! Fifty-year-old high school chemistry teacher comes into my office. The guy is so broke, he can't pay his own mortgage. One year later, he's got a pile of cash as big as a Volkswagen. That's crazy.
Jeff
This sounds good to you?
Well, look at you! Hey, you're young. You're probably, uh... Fast in the feet, huh?
Jeff
Okay, I–I didn't say I wouldn't do it! I just... Had some questions about, like... logistics.
Jeff
In.
[sighs] Okay, back to one. [speaks into the loudspeaker as Jeff sets himself up] Check, test, one-two, one-two. Okay! And ready, set, action!
[Jeff begins running again]
Move, move, move! Pick up the pace! Go, go, go! One, Armani suits and run! Two, Air Jordan shoes for you! Three, linen shirts for free! Four, cashmere sweaters out the door! Five, Patagonias to survive! Six, swanky sweatsuits in the mix! Let's go, let's go, let's go!
You guys enjoying yourselves? Well, hold on to that feeling, 'cause this is it.
Jeff
Yeah, we know.
Well, in case you forget, you transported stolen goods with a value exceeding $5,000. And the truck you used to do it was rented in Council Bluffs across state lines.
Jeff
You told us to rent the truck over there, so—
[motions for Jeff to stop talking] Theft from an interstate shipment, up to ten years. Transportation of stolen goods, another ten years. Sale of stolen goods, ten years. Conspiracy to commit a federal crime—
Whoa, hold on. Conspiracy? It was your idea.
Yeah. It's called mutually assured destruction, so... if I go down, you go down.
Jeff
Man, you don't have to threaten us. We're all friends here.
I am not your friend. And if you get greedy, and you decide to come back for more, don't. Gene Takavic, you've never heard of him. Cottonwood Mall, you don't go there. You see me comin', you cross to the other side of the street.
Jeff
Dude.
Now, I need you to say it. We're done.
Jeff
[pause; laughs] Come on!
Say it. We're done. Say it.
Jeff
[beat; looks at Buddy briefly] We're done.
[pause] We're–We're done.
[Saul learns that Jeff's friend, Buddy, bailed on one of their scams and confronts him in the garage behind Jeff's house]
You're kidding me! Absolutely kidding me!
I'm sorry, man. I couldn't do it.
Do you know how much time, how much effort I put into finding the perfect mark?! I have to weed through all these saps who have wives and families at home! Find somebody who's alone, with money! And what—So you can just wimp out?!
The guy has cancer, man! I found pills in his pocket, okay? The same ones my dad took. For, like, pancreatic cancer.
So a guy with cancer can't be an asshole? [scoffs] Believe me! I speak from experience!
I can't rip off a guy with cancer. I'm sorry.
Do you know how many of the suckers we've ripped off had sob stories?! Every single one of them! Besides, it'll be months before they even realize they've been taken! This guy will already be dead! So please get back in your truck, go back to the house, and finish the job!
[beat] No, man. I can't do that! I can't!
Alright, I get it! You'll get over it, okay? Please, believe me. Before you know it, you'll forget all about it. [softly] Go.
Look, we're doing really well, right? Hear me out, okay? I mean, we're rolling in cash! We can just let this one go!
[sighs] Yeah, but I... I pulled the tape when I left! The door's locked! We couldn't get back in even if we wanted to! [Saul angrily slaps the top of Jeff's car] Jeff, come on, man! Back me up here!
Jeff
Oh, well, I... I don't know. I mean, I can see both sides kinda.
You know what? Forget it, you're fired. Just go! Just give me the camera and go!
[hands Saul his camera] Fine.
GOOD! Go, we don't need you! And I know I don't need to tell you this, but since you're such a goddamn amateur, I will anyway! Keep your mouth shut.
[Buddy gives Jeff one last glance before leaving the garage]
[to Jeff] If we're gonna do this, we should leave now.
Jeff
...We're really gonna go back there?
What did I just say? Jeff, are you in or out?!
Better Call Saul · 283 quotes
