Jimmy McGill quotes from Better Call Saul

Howard

I-I think I owe you the truth about Chuck. Those lanterns. He was living in that house without electricity for the better part of two years. He knew how to use those lanterns. He was careful, I saw it, I know you did too. There was never a problem. I know it's a terrible thing to... [pause] I don't think what happened was an accident.

Howard

You probably heard Chuck was retiring from HHM. But that's not the truth. The truth is that we had a disagreement, and I pushed him out. I made him go.

Kim

Chuck was sick for years. And after the bar hearing—

Howard

The bar hearing had nothing to do with it.

Kim

Okay.

Howard

The fact is, he started getting better after that. He took more of an interest in the firm, he came to work, we could leave the lights on. He was improving until the thing with the insurance, so i-it wasn't the bar hearing.

Jimmy

The insurance?

Howard

It was a ridiculous thing. I should have just let it go. I mean, God knows he's done enough for me. But he kept pushing, and I, um, I got my back up.

Jimmy

What about the insurance?

Howard

It was, uh, our malpractice insurance. They found out about Chuck's condition, raised our rates. Chuck went ballistic. He wanted to go to war. I drew a line. He wouldn't back down, so I forced him out. Never occurred to me that I could hurt him. He always seemed so strong. But he wasn't. I think he did what he did because of me.

Jimmy

[pause] Well, Howard, I guess that's your cross to bear.

Yes?

Jimmy

I'm sorry, could I just have another minute? I-I'll be real quick.

Uh, yeah, sure, Jimmy. What's on your mind?

Jimmy

Uh, look, I know you are gonna take some time to consider your options, but maybe we could settle this right now. There's a thing that we all know called opportunity cost—the time you spend looking for someone is time I could be out there working for you. And sure, there are salesmen out there with way more experience than me. But what are the chances one of them's going to come walking through that door in the next week? And is it worth the wait? Maybe. Maybe. But I could tell you this: none of them will have the connection to your machines that I do. None. I worked in the mail room. I know how important the copy machine is – deadlines, last minute changes. And I was in there. I was clearing paper jams, I was cleaning ink off gears and rollers trying to figure out where the mystery streaks were coming from. [chuckles] I was down on my hands and knees with my tie over my shoulder and ink-stained hands and a line of assistants out the door, and they're all worried that they're gonna lose their job if they don't get their document in the next five minutes. I know—I know better than anyone that the copier, it's the beating heart of any business. It goes down, it causes delays—that is lost money, that is frustrated employees, that's a negative work environment, that's a business on life support. But you plug one of your new machines into the system, that is a healthy, strong heartbeat—ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk! That is a healthy business—ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk! That is a successful business! And that's what we're selling.

Um, just...

Jimmy. Welcome to the team.

Jimmy

Really?

Damn right! Congrats! We'll get you set up with Audrey in HR, fill out your paperwork, and hopefully you'll be all set by the end of the day.

Jimmy

So just like that, huh?

Yep. Why wait when we can get you rolling?

Jimmy

You were gonna take some time though and consider your options, but, uh... I just come in and do that little song-and-dance and... I'm in?

Yeah. Right. That's right.

Jimmy

Wh—Are you out of your mind? You don't know me. I just came in off the street. You guys are like a couple of cats. I come in, wave a shiny object, you're like, "I want that!" No due diligence? No background check? No, just hire the guy that says them fancy words? I could be a serial killer! I could be a guy who pees in your coffee pot! I could be both!

...So you're not taking the job?

Jimmy

No, I'm not taking the job! Suckers. I feel sorry for you.

Mike

...And?

Jimmy

What if I told you you could turn this piece of crap into four grand, for each of us, minimum? This little fella, he's called the "Merry Wanderer." He's not much to look at, he's pretty easy to find. I got this one at a pawn shop on 4th for twenty bucks. But, he has a cousin called "Bavarian Boy," almost identical—same umbrella, same swagger. That one is worth a boatload.

Mike

And I gather you know where to find a Bavarian Boy?

Jimmy

I do indeed. He's gathering dust on a shelf in an office up on San Mateo and he's been there for God knows how long and they have no idea what they've got. To them, it's not Bavarian Boy, it's just some piece of junk Grandma gave me that I feel too guilty to get rid of. And that's where you come in. Now, this place I'm talking about, they're not exactly what you call security-conscious. There's no cameras whatsoever. There's an alarm on the door that I could probably bridge. And past that, you just pick a lock and walk over to the shelf and swap this Wanderer for that Boy. It's five minutes, max.

Warm-up, gentlemen?

Mike

Yeah, thanks, Fran.

Jimmy

Wow, thanks.

[regarding the figurine] That's cute.

Jimmy

Isn't it, though?

Yeah. Have your food out in a jiff, Mike.

Jimmy

[sighs] Look. They're not even going to know it's gone. They look over at the shelf, they just see the same dumb tchotchke staring at 'em they've been looking at for years. There's no serial number. These things are practically untraceable. You send Pryce or some other schlub down to Dallas, next week they're having a collectibles expo. Those people are hungry for Hummels. I mean, their eyes are gonna pop when they see what we've brung 'em. And they will pay through the nose, which we will split fifty-fifty. So? It's perfect, right? We make some nice Hummel-loving lady happy, and we make a bundle. Let's do something beautiful here.

Mike

And how did you come across this valuable wunderkind?

Jimmy

What difference does it make?

Mike

Guys in the office cross you? Done you wrong?

Jimmy

[scoffs] What? You're, uh, missing the point! It's free money! You walk by a twenty on the sidewalk? No, you pick it up.

Mike

[beat] Pass.

Jimmy

What? Why?

Mike

It's not for me.

Jimmy

Not for you? Is there some problem I'm not seeing, like, with the swap or something?

Mike

Plan's fine as far as it goes, it's just not for me. And I don't think it should be for you, either. [beat] I'm sorry about your brother.

Jimmy

Yeah, thanks. What, you're really not gonna do this?

Mike

Sorry.

Kim

Um, this is... It's from Chuck. Nobody knows for sure what's in it. You don't have to open it right now, but...

Jimmy

Let's see what the old boy has to say.

Kim

O-Okay. I'll give you minute, um...

Jimmy

No, no. Stay. It's fine. And, uh, you want to hear this, right?

Kim

Yeah. If it's okay.

Jimmy

It's undated. Okay, here it goes: "Dear Jimmy, I have left many things unsaid in our relationship through the years. Rather than allow—allow these unspoken thoughts to die with me, I've chosen to record them here for you. I hope you will take my words in the spirit in which they are intended." New paragraph. "I remember quite clearly the day you came home from the hospital. You can't imagine the joy on Mom's face. I can honestly say I never saw her happier than she was on that day. You brought a shine to her life that nothing else ever did, and I'm glad of that." New paragraph. "We have not always seen eye to eye. I expect it will continue to be so in the future. However, nothing will ever change the fact that we are brothers, flesh and blood. Although we are very different people, I want you to know how much I respect what you have made of yourself in these last few years. You have taken the opportunity I gave you in the mailroom and you have run with it, becoming a valued member of the HHM family. For all the problems in your past, I'm proud we share the name McGill. I sincerely admire your energy and resilience. I used to worry about you finding a place in the world, but I'm not worried about that anymore. I'm certain now that no matter what the future may bring you'll land on your feet, and I hope when you read this, you remember me not only as your brother, but a person you knew was always in your corner." Signed just "Chuck." Well, say what you want, the man could write a letter.

Kim

S-Sorry...

Jimmy

Hey.

Kim

No, I did–I didn't mean to make it–

Jimmy

No, it's okay, it's okay. It's a nice letter. Hey...

Kim

No, just... just... just give me... just give me a minute...

Jimmy

I'm a Fanta guy myself.

Yeah, well... you can buy a truckload. [hands Jimmy some cash] Here you go.

Jimmy

Hey, whoa, whoa. This is more than we talked about.

Bavarian Boy made quite a splash at the collectibles expo. Bidding war.

Jimmy

Wow, great. But we know you could've kept most of this. I would've never known the difference.

Yeah, well, you could've left me high and dry. I'm liking this "Hummel" thing. Cash came fast and clean. Got any more where that came from?

Jimmy

Mmm... No, not really.

Oh, bummer.

Jimmy

We're gonna do this again. I'll find something.

Sounds good. When you do, call the vet.

Jimmy

Yeah?

Yeah. New job, new phone. You never know who's listening.

Jimmy

Hey, how's it going? Did you get that ink in Los Lunas?

Las Cruces.

Jimmy

Off by one.

And you've been inside?

Jimmy

No, I haven't had the honor. But I used to be a lawyer. [two bikers get up and eye Jimmy suspiciously] Emphasis on "used to be!" And I helped a lot of gentlemen such as yourself and your friends here. And one thing I learned from working with my clients in the New Mexico corrections system is that private conversations are few and far between. The man is always listening on those landlines, so... Word to the wise, if you want to talk to your friends on the inside, there is a simple solution.

Yeah? What's that?

Jimmy

[takes phone box out of his hands] This little baby. It's the most compact model on the market. It can be hidden in... any number of places. And, uh, if you buy it from me with cash, it's completely untraceable.

[pause] How much?

Jimmy

Sorry, guys. You had your chance. I'm all sold out.

Give me your money.

Jimmy

I'm a narc, remember?

Well, we saw you got cash. Hand it over.

Jimmy

Nice try. Look, Pee-Wee, Scooter, Skippy, it was very good to meet you boys. Good luck with the junior achievement project. I–I gotta go.

Jimmy

Howard. Everything okay?

Howard

Everything's fine. How are you doing?

Jimmy

I've been better. I'm heading up to the DA's office for my PPD check-in, so you know...

Howard

Yeah.

Jimmy

[pause] You sure you're okay?

Howard

I'm supposed to be in court in, uh... about twenty-five minutes.

Jimmy

Big case?

Howard

Not particularly.

Jimmy

So, what's up?

Howard

[sighs] Nothing. Just... [chuckles] You ever have insomnia?

Jimmy

Not really.

Howard

Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Jimmy

Don't they have pills for that? [Howard chuckles again] I'm sorry, I gotta ask. What's... What's eating you?

Howard

Jimmy... [pause] I think I've shared enough. More than enough. Let's leave it at that.

Jimmy

I get it. You know what, Howard? You do yourself a favor, and you go see someone. Actually, I have the number of a shrink. I got it for a client. And he's supposed to be great. [looks for note Kim gave him earlier] I think... I've got it right here actually.

Howard

Uh, thanks. I'm already seeing someone.

Jimmy

Really?

Howard

Twice a week.

Jimmy

Is he any good?

Howard

Yes.

Jimmy

[pause] Well... Good seeing you, Howard.

Howard

You too.

Have you thought about what you're gonna do once your PPD is up?

Jimmy

I have some plans.

Okay. Such as?

Jimmy

Until then, I'll show up here every second Monday of the month like clockwork. I'm gonna keep my job at the cell phone store and in nine months and twenty-four days, I will get my law license back. My partner and I, we'll get a new office. It'll be like it was, but bigger and better. Everything will be better. I'm gonna have more clients, I'm gonna win more cases, I'm gonna be a damn good lawyer. And people are gonna know about it.

Okay. So... lawyer.

Jimmy

Yeah. Lawyer.

Kim

Hey, there.

Jimmy

Heeeeey... Giselle.

Kim

[chuckles] I was thinking we could just be Kim and Jimmy today.

Jimmy

Uh, okay. Those two aren't all bad.

Kim

Rumors and hearsay. How's work?

Jimmy

It is a job... and how about you? Work's good?

Kim

Yeah! Actually, I have news. Good news—Great news, really. It could change things for Wexler-McGill, but... I met with Rich Schweikart today.

Jimmy

Really?

Kim

Yeah... Well, y'know, they took on Gatwood, so I've been meaning to follow up, and... anyway, we were talking and he offered me a job.

Jimmy

Again? What, he can't take no for an answer?

Kim

They want me to run their banking division. Build it, really.

Jimmy

...You're not seriously considering it?

Kim

I'd be coming in as a partner.

Jimmy

But I thought things were going okay with Mesa Verde since, uh—

Kim

Yeah, they are! They were... my workload has gotten a lot more complicated lately. I've been taking on some pro bono work: Overflow from the public defender's office.

Jimmy

PD overflow? When did you-? Why?

Kim

...I like it. I'm good at it. And...I'm helping people, Jimmy. And I know that sounds cheesy, it's-it's whatever, but it's the truth.

Jimmy

No! It, uh, makes a lot of sense. [pause] I have been thinking about criminal law myself, lately. Y'know, for when I get my license back.

Kim

Really?

Jimmy

Yeah. You know, like you said, y'know, you're helping people. I'm thinking an office in one of these refurbished bungalows, downtown by the courts. Y'know, stick around where all the people who need help are... Boy, it has a nice ring to it now. Wexler-McGill, criminal law.

Kim

[hesitantly] That all sounds great. The thing is...if I go to Schweikart & Cokely, I have all those associates to help cover Mesa Verde. It’ll keep paying the bills and free me up to do the work I really care about.

Jimmy

...So, you'd kinda get to have your cake and eat it, too.

Kim

Kind of, yeah.

Jimmy

[sighs] I'll be right back.

Kim

No, Jimmy—

Jimmy

What? I-No, I just-I gotta hit the head!

Jimmy

I say do it. It's a great opportunity, and you should jump on it.

Kim

You mean that?

Jimmy

Yeah. Kim, you gotta do what's best for you.

Kim

You sure?

Jimmy

Yes. I can't ask you to wait around for me... and who knows? Ten months—a lot can happen.

Kim

Yeah. Yeah, who knows.

Jimmy

Yeah. So, to Schweikart and Cokely... and Wexler.

Jimmy

Hey, I see a lot of empty cubicles out there. What's going on?

Howard

We're doing some reorganizing.

Jimmy

Just making the office more feng shui, I take it?

Howard

We've had some setbacks.

Jimmy

Paying out to Chuck's estate?

Howard

That is part of it. And to be frank, the firm's reputation is... not what it was.

Jimmy

So what's the plan?

Howard

The consultants call it "rightsizing".

Jimmy

No, I mean, what's the plan to get HHM back on its feet? [pause; Howard doesn't answer] Are you kidding me? I just referred a client to you guys. You're welcome, by the way. And you're telling me this place is falling apart? Get your shit together, Howard!

Howard

Excuse me?

Jimmy

Oh, please. You suffer one little setback and you're gonna let your entire legacy go?!

Howard

"One little setback?"

Jimmy

Fine, your pain is very special. Woe is you. Just stop wallowing, okay? This place is all you've got! That and your hair—which, let's face it, clock's ticking there too, so... You wanna save your business? You wanna save your dignity? You're gonna have to fight! Hey... you're a shitty lawyer, Howard. But you're a great salesman. So, get out there and sell.

Howard

Fuck you, Jimmy!

Jimmy

There you go. Use that.

Jimmy

Didn't know I had friends, did ya? So, what's it gonna be? Fast or slow? It's gonna hurt like a bitch either way. [one of the teenagers starts whimpering] What was that? Slow? Let me... [pulls duct tape off]

We're sorry, man, alright?! We're sorry!

Jimmy

Yeah, you are. Very much so.

We're gonna leave you alone, okay? We—We won't mess with you anymore.

Jimmy

Easy to say now, but what about tomorrow?

I—I swear, man. I swear I'll do anything you want me to.

Jimmy

Cross your heart and hope to die?

Yes! Yes, man!

Jimmy

[quietly] You mean it?

Yes. [another piñata gets knocked down] Yes! Look, after this, you'll never have to see us again. [the other two teenagers quickly nod in agreement]

Jimmy

And you will spread the word that I'm off limits?

Yes! Yes, yes! We'll tell everyone! We'll say, "Don't—Don't mess with the cell phone guy."

Jimmy

[pause] Alright, we're done. [to the masked men] We're done!

Jimmy

I think they get it. Seriously, guys, we're—we're done. Okay, we're good, alright? [the men walk right behind the teenagers with their bats] That's enough. [another piñata goes down] I appreciate the enthusiasm, but... he got the message.

That's right! Listen to what he says! Listen to what he says, I got the message!

Jimmy

Alright, you know what? If it's that important to you, go ahead.

No, no, no, no! No! No, please! [Jimmy turns him around so he faces one of the masked men] No, no, please. No! No, no, no! Please, no!

Jimmy

You get one warning... and that was it. [drops bat and walks away]

Jimmy

You made it! Come on in. Picture a reception desk right here, alright? It's always nice to be greeted by a friendly face. Now, over in this corner we got a fireplace with a cozy waiting area: Couch, couple chairs, water cooler, electric kettle, maybe an assortment of teas? Now, this is my office, in here. Guess what? These are all original fixtures, so that's... Uh, we're four blocks from the courthouse here. So, how convenient is that? There's a bathroom and it's–it's... cute, heh! [opens bathroom door and quickly closes it] Phew, we're gonna get that cleaned out. Um, there's a shower in there for when you're buried in discovery late at night! This is for the partner, corner office: Lots of natural light, and that's great for your circadian rhythms. Uh... cherry blossoms! That's nice! And uh... [walks from one wall to the other while counting his steps] Six! It's pretty big. Um, there's a kitchenette down the hall, it's kind of perfect for snacks or uh, BYO lunch, heh. Get one of those snazzy Keurigs, put that in there. Stick a few potted plants around, make the place nice... What do you think?

Huell

So, no more cell phones?

Jimmy

No, but this is what the phones were for. So, if you were a lawyer, this would be a great place, right?

Huell

If I was a lawyer? Nope. Big glass high-rise, fortieth floor.

Jimmy

"Big glass high-rise".

Huell

Yep. When I'm not on my boat.

Jimmy

What can I do you for?

[holds up business card] This you? Saul Goodman?

Jimmy

Uh... That's right, officer.

[chuckles] You wanna know where I got it? Off a drug dealer who got sprung today, 'cause he was using a drop phone that you sold him.

Jimmy

Huh.

Doesn't it bother you that you're peddling to a bunch of low-lifes who use these things to sell drugs?

Jimmy

What my customers do with the phones after they leave my possession, that's their business.

Let me ask you a favor, alright? Get your van out of here, park in front of a grocery store in Corrales—you know, some place nice—and... and sell there. You know, I'm sure there's a lot of... lot of soccer moms who could use some phones.

Jimmy

I don't know. I think my customer base is right here.

Get some new customers.

Jimmy

I don't feel the need to. See, I got a permit, and I'm collecting sales tax. And this is a legitimate business, right? So, anyone who wants to buy a phone from me is free to do so!

I'm asking nicely, okay?

Jimmy

Yeah, and I respectfully decline.

[pause] You're gonna go this way, huh?

Jimmy

There it is. What's it gonna be? What, is it gonna be littering or rolling through a stop sign? Hey, how about you plant something something in my glove compartment!

You know what, pal? Just take it easy, okay?

Jimmy

Well, maybe this is why people need privacy! Maybe this is why they need my phones! Maybe you're the problem!

Okay, so as long as you make a buck, the whole world can just go in the crapper?

Jimmy

Yeah!

Jimmy

[sees Huell walk up to them menacingly] No! No, no, no, no, no! Stop! He's a cop!

Jimmy

He's a cop.

Jimmy

This is all just a mistake. My friend got confused, okay? He was just trying to do his job. I hired him for security, he was trying to protect me. You were in plain clothes. He had no idea you were a police officer.

Oh, he knew alright.

Jimmy

How?

I picked him up three years ago.

Jimmy

Really?

Yeah. Pickpocketing.

Jimmy

[looks at Huell] Wha... Three years, that's a long time. I mean, how can you be sure it's the same guy?

Seriously?

Jimmy

Officer, look. You were right, I was wrong.

Were you now?

Jimmy

Yes, and you know what else? You will not see me out here selling my phones ever again, alright? So, just do me a favor. Let's just shake hands, avoid the paperwork, and we just go home.

Do you a favor? [shrugs] I was asking you for a favor.

Jimmy

Fair enough.

Oh, I asked you nicely, and you told me to go, "screw myself." [gets in his car]

Jimmy

I don't... I don't think I used those words.

See you around.

Huell

Two and a half years.

Jimmy

Yeah, they always go for the max. Come on now, they'll calm down.

Huell

[snorts] PD didn't make it sound promising.

Jimmy

Heh, the guy, he's—he's just a burnout. He's trying to soften you up for an easy deal, alright? There's no way you'd do that kind of time!

Huell

You're goddamn right.

Jimmy

You're goddamn right... wait. What—What do you mean?

Huell

I'mma bounce. I got places I can go.

Jimmy

No. Uh, no, that's not a good idea, Huell.

Huell

Better than goin' in!

Jimmy

C'mon, you'll have a warrant on you, and that shit doesn't go away! You know, three years from now, you're pulled over for a broken tail light, and now you're not just a guy who shoved a cop; you're a guy who shoved a cop and ran.

Huell

Well, I just won't drive with a broken tail light.

Jimmy

Sooner or later, they're gonna catch up to you.

Huell

They didn't catch D.B. Cooper.

Jimmy

Why don't you—Why don't you give me a shot at this? I... I think I can fix it.

Huell

Yeah?

Jimmy

Yeah. What if I told you, you're not going in?

Huell

Like, not at all? Not never? 'Cause that's what it's gonna take.

Jimmy

Yeah, never, alright? Just don't skip.

Huell

How you gonna do that? You ain't even a lawyer!

Jimmy

[scornfully] "A lawyer." Dude, I don't need to be a lawyer, alright? I'm a magic man. Will you have a little faith in me?