“D”
In this episode: Smart Butt-head (45), Smart Beavis (45)
Whoa, check it out. deadmau5 is dead. I'll be damned.
Uh... remember that time that kid at school died?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, who was that?
Uh...
Was it Stewart?
No, Stewart's still alive. We saw him yesterday.
Oh, we did? I um, usually don't notice. I know Daria killed herself, I remember that.
Uh... she didn't kill herself, she just moved away.
Whoa, really? Wow. You know, that's kinda surprising. I thought she killed herself.
Remember when they set that grief counselor to talk to us right after, uh... whatever his name was died?
Oh yeah, yeah. He was cool. He let us call him Rick.
Yeah, he like turned his chair backwards and rolled up his sleeves.
You know, he invited me over to his apartment for spaghetti too.
Uh, that's kinda weird. You didn't go, did you?
Um, I don't really remember. Last thing I remember, I got into his van, and um, he gave me some lemonade, and then the next thing I remember, I woke up under a bridge.
Uh... are you just making this up? You never told me about this.
See, that's exactly what Rick said would happen if I ever told anybody. He would say I made it up, see?
Uh...
He's a smart guy, that Rick.
Uh... okay, Beavis.
You know, I think he can see into the future too because he also told me that my butt might hurt for a couple of days. And it did. You see that? Amazing.
Deconstruction, L.A. Song
Well I'll be damned, it's Dave Navarro.
Who?
Dave Navarro. See, umh he, uh...he was in another band, but then he quit, and now he's in the Chili Peppers or something.
How do you know?
I saw it on MTV News. [imitates the theme music] Pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee...you hear it first. Pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee!
You're a dork, Beavis.
Did you hear it from Kurt Scrotur?
No, from Tabitha Sore-End. Get it? Sore end?
I get it, Beavis. You're a dork. [Scoffs] You know the MTV News theme song.
How come the Chili Peppers have new guitar player, like, every couple weeks?
Well, I think what happens, is, um, like they join the band, and then Flea is just like kickin' ass, and like dancing and Anthony is getting all the chicks, and then like the guitar player is like, "Screw this".
Did you hear that on MTV News? [imitating MTV News theme music] Do-do-do-do-do!
Rick Dees, Get Naked
Check it out, he's got a face painted on his stomach.
If I was in them, I'd paint a butt on my stomach. And then my bellybutton would be the butthole.
Yeah, but you could just, like, you know, show your real butt, and it would be faster and, like, more realistic. Dumbass.
No, no. I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I'd paint the butt on my stomach, see...
Beavis, you're going to have about four buttholes if you don't shut up.
It's not my fault if you don't understand, Butt-head! Dumbass!
Del Amitri, Roll To Me
Oh no. This video freaks me out. It's like, you know, I get all excited when I see the chicks, but then I see these stubby dudes, and it, like...makes my testes retract into my globules.
Yeah. It gives me a special feeling in my seminefrious tubules.
I wanna do every single girl in this video.
Uhh, you wanna do, like, every girl in every video, Beavis.
No. Not really.
Uhh, name one girl in a video that you wouldn't wanna do.
Let me think...oh, I know. Um, there's that one video, you know, where they're like, "Been Caught Stealing", and um...there's that one girl and she's, like, you know, stuffing fruit and stuff down her shirt. I don't wanna do her.
Uhh...that's a dude dressed up like a girl, Beavis. That doesn't count.
Oh. Uh, let me think..."Wilson Phillips"...uh, no, yes I'd do her...ah, oh, um...no. Boy, maybe you're right. I just wanna make love to all the women of the world.
Me too.
Deus, Suds and Soda
[a violin that sounds like a siren is used throughout the whole song]
Is that the smoke alarm?
Uhh...dammit Beavis, did you burn another burrito?
Um...I don't think so.
We need to just take the batteries out of that damn thing.
Yeah, but then what if there's a, ah...never mind.
Whoa. This is freaking me out.
Yeah. This is weird.
I have a sore throat, Butt-head. [coughs] Does it sound scratchy when I talk?
Uhh, yeah, sort of.
Really?
Yeah. You're always like, [imitates Beavis] "Yeah, uhuhuhuhuhuhuh."
I don't sound like that! [coughs] I'm just gonna be quiet for a while because my throat hurts.
Okay. Good.
You sound really stupid most of the time. You're like [imitates Beavis] "Yeah, yeah, it's pretty cool because...[incoherent gibberish]"
Shut up, Butt-head, I don't talk like that! I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna be quiet. Ow! [coughs] Ow!
What's that guy patting his stomach for?
Maybe he's got like, a hurt rabbit in his shirt, he's like, going "As soon as we're done with this video, I'm gonna let you out, then I'll give you a carrot, we're gonna fix your leg..."
[interrupting] Dammit Beavis, now see, that's what I'm talking about, right there. You're going, [mockingly] "Yeah, maybe it's that rabbit in his stomach, [incoherent gibberish]..."
What the hell is this dude saying? He's like, saying "Fried egg, fried egg, fried egg,"
Fried...[coughs]...fried egg, fried, [coughs] fried egg...
Devo, Whip It
Whoa, is that Ross Perot?
Yeah. I think that's Ross Perot from a long time ago.
Oh yeah. [imitating Ross Perot] Folks, it's simple. When a problem comes along, you must whip it!
He looks like some sort of bungsnoidial buttsnoid.
[singing along] Now whip it!/Into shape!/Shape it up!/Get it straight!/Go forward!/Move ahead!/Try to detect it!/It's not too late!/[starts going out of time with the song]To whip it!/Into shape!/Shape it, uh...[realizes he is singing out of time]...go forward...move ahead, try to detect it...
That sucked, Beavis.
Well, at least I tried. You just sit there on your ass and make me do all the work.
Check out those hats.
Those are cool. You can stack one inside the other and you can have like all different colors, you know? It's like you can wear one one day and another the other day and like put 'em on your head y'know? And they can like protect you from like harmful rays.
Beavis, you're a damn weirdo.
Shut up, Butt-head. I'm not from here, you know.
Dink, Green Mind
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
