Dez quotes from Austin & Ally

Ally

I don't see him.

Trish

You don't think he missed his flight?

Dez

Found 'em!

Trish

Where is he?

Dez

Oh, not Austin. Flame-O's, the world's hottest cheese-puffs. You can only get these in airports. (Dez tastes one and his mouth catches on fire.)

Ally

(Her phone rings) Austin? Dez, shush! Go ahead Austin. Yes, Dez finally found Flame-O's. Where are you?

Austin

I just got off the plane. Where are you guys?

Ally

We're by the arrival gate.

Austin

I don't see you.

Ally

You're in Washington D.C, aren't you?

Austin

Yeah why?

Ally

We're in Washington State.

Austin

There are two Washingtons?! Why do they keep doing that?

Ally

I can't believe we're 3,000 miles apart again. This stinks. By the time you get here, we'll only have a half-hour together.

Austin

I don't care how much time we have. I just..wanna see you.

Ally

I just wanna see you too.

Trish

[takes the phone from Ally] You know who else wants to see you? 10,000 fans who bought tickets for tonight's concert. You better be on the next flight. You're supposed to be on stage in 8 hours!

Dez

[bangs frying pans together] Rise and shine sleepyheads! Time for Dez's world famous tour bus breakfast!

Trish

What time is it?

Dez

I just told you time for Dez's world famous tour bus breakfast! *bangs frying pans together again and Austin and Trish take them away, but Dez pulls out another pair and bangs those together*

Austin

Dez! Every time you cook it's a complete mess.

Ally

Yesterday you burnt the toast so bad we had to evacuate the bus, then you forgot to put a lid on the blender and splattered smoothies everywhere!

Trish

[pulls blueberry out of her hair] I'm still pulling blueberries out of my hair.

Dez

[takes blueberry and eats it] Well no messes today now how do you like your omelettes?

Austin

Forget it Dez! I'm just gonna go to the diner and get us some breakfast burritos.

Dez

Nonsense I have fresh eggs. [leaves then comes back in with a chicken which makes all the plates break]

Austin

Well, he did say fresh.

Trish

I don't have anybody... I'm all alone.

Dez

(looks at her sympathetically) You aren't completely alone... I'm still here for you.

Trish

...You're right. You haven't been my assistant... you've been my...

Dez

(excited) Friend?!

Trish

I think we both know you've been more than a friend.

Dez

(gasps)

Trish

(signals for Dez to kiss her)

Dez

(bends down, kisses Trish)

Ally

(walks in, sees Trez kissing)

(pull apart)

Ally

(screams)

(scream)

Ally

Hold the ketchup! Are those the real silver shoes from The Wizard of Oz?

Austin

Yeah. What gives? Aren't they supposed to be ruby?

Ally

In the movie, but true fans like me know that they're silver. They were silver in the book and the play. Ooh, I should include that on the next museum tour!

Dez

Ooh, you're wearing Dorothy's slippers and the Wicked Witch's socks.

Austin

The socks are mine.

Dez

Wow, you wear some crazy clothes.

This is a children's menu from Humpys' Burger Barn. The restaurant that used to be here? I find these all over the place.

What?

Dez

But how do you explain the blood stain and the giant "X" marking the treasure?

That blood is ketchup and the "X" is a half-finished tic-tac-toe game.

Trish

Okay. I want to see who does the best job hanging up Christmas lights.

What does that have to do with being Santa?

Trish

It doesn't have anything to do with me getting a promotion...Pfft... Why would you say that?

Dez

Oh, I love hanging lights. This shouldn't be too hard.

Austin

Well, that's the last of the decorations. (walks over to Ally)"

Ally

(looks up) Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe again. (laughs nervously)

Austin

(laughs nervously) Wha'ddya know? (romantic music plays as they lean in)

Trish

(Dez and Trish barge through) Look Out!

Dez

Austin Dolls coming through!

Austin

They're here!

Austin

This isn't right! (Austin doll has long hair)

Ally

They all have long, flowing princess hair! ...Long, flowing, gorgeous princess hair...

Trish

The toy company also makes Princess Priscilla dolls. There must have been a mix-up at the factory.

Austin

I can't give these freak show dolls to the kids! It'll ruin their Christmas.

Dez

I have to write Santa a new letter. I am not replacing my teddy bear with one of these mutants.

Ally

Ronnie, writing songs for Austin makes me a better artist. And that's the artist you signed! So let me get right to the point. I will keep writing for Austin, you will not drop me from the label, and you're gonna like it!

Dez

Yeah, you tell him, Ally! (Ally high fives him and he falls)

Hey, no one talks to Ronnie Ramone like that. I'm impressed, and a little frightened. Look, Ally, I'd rather let you keep writing for Austin than lose you as an artist.

Ally

Really? Thank you, Ronnie, you will not regret it.

I better not.

Ally

I get it! She has good skin.

Dez

Ooh, jealous much?

Ally

I'm not jealous. I just get this weird, burning feeling in my chest every time I think about Austin with another girl.

Trish

Yeah, that's jealousy.

Carrie

Flowers! Pizza!

Dez

Wait, there's something else I got you! [lugs a goat crate]

Carrie

A goat! You really do like me! [they hug]

Austin

You know what, this whole time, I've been trying to please you. But why should I care what you think? Why should I care what anyone thinks? I know I rock.

Ally

Yeah.

Trish

He's back!

Dez

The Electric Avenger!

Brandy

I want my blankie, I want my Bear-Bear, I want my yogurt, I want a unicorn that breathes fire!

Dez

That is it, young lady! I have had enough of your temper tantrums! Now you listen to me or you're getting a timeout! You're the actress, I'm the director. Now stop acting like a baby, get on the beach, and be the mermaid! Have I made myself clear?!

Brandy

Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir. I'll be good, I promise.

Dez

While you do that, I'll practice my parade wave. (Waves hand)

Trish

(Waves back at him)

Dez

Oh, you're practicing yours, too?

Trish

No, I just want you to leave. Goodbye!

Austin

(runs into the store) "I am the Electric Avenger!"

Dez

(runs into the store) "And. I'm his trusty sidekick, Spark Plug!"

Ally

Austin, you look awesome! And Dez, you look like…a garbage can"

Dez

I was so busy working on Austin's costume, I don't have enough time to work on mine. But, I'm still a Superhero who keeps the streets clean of crime! And trash

Ally

Not again!

Dez

But I like purple.