Dez quotes from Austin & Ally

Austin

[eats some chilli]

Dez

[to Nelson] Any normal person who eats my chili will feel like their mouth is on fire.

Austin

[begins panting and fanning his mouth]

Dez

So they'll grab the fruit juice.

Austin

[grabs the fruit juice, drinks it]

Dez

But the acid in the fruit will just make it worse.

Austin

[does a spit take]

My chili's so hot, you have to stick your own tongue in fire to cool it off.

Dez

Oh yeah? Well, my chili's so hot that NASA uses it for rocket fuel.

My chili's so hot, it's the second leading cause of global warming.

Dez

Well my chili's so hot, you have to put a smoke detector in your underwear before you eat it.

My chili's so hot that they're thinking about renaming the Sun "My Chili".

Dez

Yeah? Well, my chili's so hot that... It...

What's the matter? Can't think of anything else? Don't feel bad- I also won 1st place in the Smack Talk Showdown.

Dez

You need two things. The best Ally you can be, and boxing a kangaroo!

Ally

How could it help me with the audition?

Dez

I don't know, but guarantee your going to wow them!

Dez

Well, that no-good hack wouldn't know talent if it hit him over the head!

Austin

He signed me.

Dez

That guy knows what he's doing.

Ally

Are you guys putting salami on cereal?

Austin

Yup. We couldn't decide if we wanted breakfast or lunch, so we're having both! We call it, blunch.

Dez

Mhmmm. Frosted crispy bites and salami. Is there a better combination?

Ally

How can you eat that?

Dez

Oh, she's right! We forgot the mustard!

Trish

So how's the new song coming?

Austin

Great! I'm almost finished.

Dez

Yup! Except for the music, the lyrics, and the song title, it's pretty much done.

Trish

Next week you have a gig at the beach club, rehearsals with your dancers and 2 days in the studio.

Austin

Yes!

Trish

I know, you have a lot of exciting stuff next week.

Austin

No... Yes! 'Cause I don't have anything to do this week! I can have my first vacation all year!. This calls for a cocktail weenie.

Dez

Wooh! Vacation! I say we go to the beach every day, play video games and sleep in till noon.

What up!

Ally

You realize you still have school, right?

Austin

Awe... Thanks for ruining my vacation.

Austin

I love being on a vacation.

Dez

Too bad it's been raining or we could've gone to real beach to see real beach babes.

Austin

Don't worry. I made some calls. [Two girls enters Sonic Boom] Hello, ladies. Oooh I love my life.

Dez

I love your life too.

Austin

Can one of you put sunblock on me?

Dez

I'm on it buddy.

Austin

Dez! I wanted the beach babes to do it!

Dez

With their little hands it would've taken forever!

Ally

Austin, is it true? You wrote it about me?

Austin

Yeah... It's true. I should have told you earlier, but I couldn't. You told me to write about someone I care about and... That's you.

Ally

Do you still have feelings for me?

Austin

Psss... No... Yes... I-I don't know... All I know that I love being friends with you, and I don't wanna ruin that. That's why I couldn't say it was about you.

Awww!

Ally

I get it. I'm glad that we're just friends, but... I kinda hoped that it was about me.

Awww!

(doing the handshake) "What up?!"

Dez

"Dude, that's our thing!"

Austin

"Sorry Dez, I just got excited."

(Doing the handshake) "What up?"

Dez

"That's better"

Austin

Well, we know who's not getting picked.

Ally

We choose Lucy!

Seriously?!

Seriously?

Seriously?

Seriously?

Austin

Seriously?

Austin

[Stops kissing] A-A-Ally I'm so sorry I met with another songwriter. I knew your career was taking off and I'd thought you'd leave me.

Ally

Aww Austin, I'll always be here for you. I'm sorry I ever doubted our partnership. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Austin

So we're good?

Ally

[Nods] Yeah.

Trish

Uh uh um. Sorry to interrupt your moment, but what the heck was the kiss all about?

Ally

[Both Stammer] Uh... It's called acting?

Dez

Yeah, that was a lot more than just acting. [Mimicks Ally]

Austin

I told you we can be professional. It was for the movie, man.

Ally

Yeah, just for the movie man. [Stammers again] You're a really good actor Austin.

Austin

You too, Ally. Huh huh huh. Goodbye.

Ally

Yeah. [Both run off in opposite directions]

Dez

I don't know Trish. We shot dozens of scenes already. Trust me. Neither one of them is that good of an actor.

Dez

Good morning, actors! Nothing like a good night's sleep to help you forget all the reasons why you're mad at someone.

Ally

I haven't forgotten. I'm still mad at him for meeting with another songwriter.

Austin

And I'm still mad at her for not wanting to be my partner!

Dez

Hm... So, what I'm hearing is, you both didn't get enough sleep.

Trish

You guys better snap out of this. I promised Jimmy Starr a rockumentary, not a you-guys-are-both-acting-like-spoiled-brats-umentary.

Dez

Yeah, how am I gonna fit that on the poster?

Trish

Let's just rehearse. We're gonna read through the next scene, then shoot it.

Dez

[starts reading from the screenplay] "Fade in. Ally's charity event is about to be a total bust when Austin rushes in to save the day. Ally hurries over with gratitude in her eyes. [whispers] And, action, Ally...

Ally

[reading from her script in monotone] "Thank you for saving me, Austin. Thank you, thank you, thankyou" [glares at Austin] Do we really need dialogue here? Sometimes a look says all the words for you.

Austin

What scene are you gonna do?

Dez

We're gonna shoot the scene where you guys have one day to write a song.

Austin

You mean for the Helen show?

Dez

No.

Ally

You mean for Austin's first performance in the mall?

Dez

No.

Austin

You mean for the Hot Summer Jam contest?

Dez

No.

Ally

You mean for the time when we--

Dez

--Man, there are a lot of times you guys only have one day to write a song.

Trish

Yeah. When this movie is over, we really need to work on your time management.

Trish

[phone rings] Ally, where are you?

Ally

I just got off the plane. Where are you guys?

Trish

We're by Gate 27.

Ally

Me too. I don't see you.

Dez

[gasp] Like your song! *sings* We're at the airport, but you don't see me! You got off the plane, but you don't see me!

Trish

Stop it.

Austin

I don't get it. How could we be at the same gate and the same airport, and not see each other?

Ally

'Cause, maybe we're not at the same airport? Which Portland are you in?

Austin

Portland, Oregon.

Ally

I'm in Portland, Maine.

Austin

There are two Portlands?

Ally

We're 3,000 miles apart.