Alex Drake quotes from Ashes to Ashes

Gene Hunt

We found a small amount of explosives on land near the Royal Docks.

Alex Drake

Well, technically a small dog found it. He's an even smaller dog now.

Alex Drake

Please?

Gene Hunt

No.

Alex Drake

I'll let you stamp my bum.

Gene Hunt

I'll get my coat.

Gene Hunt

DI Bollyknickers, you appear to be drunk in charge of a handbag and dressed like a tart again.

Alex Drake

Oh, piss off, you lardy fascist!

Gene Hunt

We'll make a copper of you yet.

Alex Drake

Be honest, Viv. How do I look?

Viv James

Uh, fine.

Alex Drake

Thank you. Word of advice? Don't bother with poker.

Alex Drake

When they say it's difficult for rape victims to be believed, I wonder why?

Gene Hunt

She gets paid for having sex.

Alex Drake

It's not about sex, is it? It's about control, and power, and revenge.

Gene Hunt

Maybe tell me about it some other time, like when I'm in a coma, or when I'm dead.

Alex Drake

To the interview room? Where's the rape suite?

Gene Hunt

Rape suite? Is that with or without a minibar?

Alex Drake

This requires a cognitive interview procedure.

Gene Hunt

We're fresh out of cognitives. What say we just talk to her?

Alex Drake

I don't think she'll open up with a man present.

Gene Hunt

Plenty of women have opened up to me without so much as a shandy down their necks.

Gene Hunt

I am trying to help you here!

Alex Drake

Well I don't need your help! Their archaic attitude is their problem, not mine!

Gene Hunt

Wrong. It's my problem. To keep this department running smoothly, I need their respect, which I've got. They look up to me, they should be looking up to you and all!

Alex Drake

What do you want me to do, morph into a nun!? IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE SHAGGED AN ENTIRE RUGBY TEAM, IS IT!?

Ray Carling

[outside] I'll bet she has. [the rest of CID laugh]

Alex Drake

It's your fault, anyway!

Gene Hunt

How is it my fault!?

Alex Drake

Because you left me on my own, and I ended up with some Thatcherite wanker!

Gene Hunt

I told you to go to bed, alone! If you'd listened to me in the first place, we wouldn't be wasting my time, having this ridiculous conversation!

Alex Drake

The skeleton in the closet. Private education, years at Oxbridge, all counted for nothing really, because I, Alex Drake, was once a prostitute.

Chris Skelton

Bloody hell!

Ray Carling

[chuckles] I knew it!

Alex Drake

There, I've said it.

Ray Carling

[chortles] Christ on a bike!

Alex Drake

That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Gene Hunt

You're telling me you lied to get onto the force?

Alex Drake

No, actually. What I just told you was a lie. I did it to show you how your preconceptions can inform your judgements about other people, especially prostitutes. Sorry.

Gene Hunt

You know, sometime I hate you, Drake.

Alex Drake

[chuckles] So I'm not what you'd expect a prostitute to be? If I said I'd been raped, you'd believe me but not someone like Trixie, not a woman like that?

Gene Hunt

No, not hate, despise.

Alex Drake

Alright, so I'm not a hooker. But if I was, do you know something, Gene? You could never, ever afford me!

Gene Hunt

You know, you might talk with a plum in your gob, love, but I would rather go with one of them [gestures to a number of prostitutes in the background] than waste my money on some bitter, twisted, messed-up, clenched-arsed, toffee-nosed bitch like you! [Alex slaps him] You feel better now?

Alex Drake

No. [she punches Gene in the mouth] Better now. [to an astounded Chris and Ray] Come on, ladies, what are you waiting for!? Let's get pissed!

Alex Drake

You're so naive.

Gene Hunt

And you're pissing me off!

Alex Drake

Artemis. Goddess of the hunt. Good work, Viv.

Ray Carling

That you, is it? Goddess of the Hunt?

Chris Skelton

Sounds like a potent symbol of female power.

Chris Skelton

He must have bloody big ears.

Alex Drake

Wrong orifice, Chris. It's a butt plug.

Gene Hunt

It goes up your arse, Chris!

Alex Drake

Hang on, hang on! Now this is worth getting straight. I'm imagining you, imagining paying for sex with me, in my imaginary role, as an imaginary street whore.

Gene Hunt

You must have a filthy mind.

Alex Drake

Like an absolute sewer, apparently.

Alex Drake

What am I doing here really? What is the point of all this?

Gene Hunt

To dress like a tart. Wiggle your arse in my direction, and fill my days with glimpses of the depths of your depraved mind. It's good enough for me, Bolly.

Alex Drake

Excuse me, THAT is evidence!

Gene Hunt

Wouldn't worry about it, 'cause you're off the case.

Alex Drake

Oh, off the case?!

Gene Hunt

Off the case and off the team.

Alex Drake

Ooh, off the team?

Gene Hunt

Yes! Actually no, you can clean my car out.

Alex Drake

I'm off the team. [Turns to leave]

Gene Hunt

Well, you're back on it!

Gene Hunt

Drake, I want you making my car smell nice again. Drake, get back here! Drake! What are you ...? You're off the team!

Gene Hunt

[Opening her shirt] I've bloody dreamt about doing this.

Gene Hunt

Don't you dare!

Alex Drake

[Putting her hand on Gene's face, obviously dazed] I figured it out. I made the connections, and, I solved it. And you saved me. And if you saved me, maybe I can save them.

Gene Hunt

[Putting his hand on Alex's head] Yeah, I think it's called concussion.