BUUUURT REYNOLDS! IS ON LINE ONNNNNEEEE!!!!
“The Man from Jupiter” · Season 3, Episode 4
In this episode: Malory Archer (6), Burt Reynolds (3), Pam Poovey (2), Cheryl Tunt (2)
And just how long has he been your hero?
Since ever!
[Scene cuts to a flashback where a younger Archer is dressed as the Bandit, running around in a cardboard box with markings like the Trans Am in the movie Smokey and the Bandit]
[Singing] Eastbound and dowwwwwn!
[Scene cuts back to Archer and Mallory]
I thought that was Richard Petty.
Which doesn't even merit a response.
[Pam and Cheryl are looking at pictures of Burt Reynolds online]
I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! ... Not that you would.
[To Cheryl] I swear, if you throw that computer on the floor one more time, you'll wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under somone else's name!
[Burt and Archer are going down an elevator that is taking a long time to get down]
...You're kidding me.
I know, it's like, the world's slowest elevator.
...Why don't you get a bat-pole?
$9000.
What?
Lowest quote I got.
Well, that's ridiculous.
I know. It's just basically putting a pole where the garbage chute is, but all the co-op people were like, "But what are we going to do with all the garbage?"
Well, you just dump the garbage down the same chute. Then you will have a soft pile of garbage to land on.
Yeah, if you're coming in hot, I know, it's a win-win.
Plus, you were going to pay for it yourself. No assessment or anything.
Exactly.
...Ridiculous.
Preaching to the choir, pal.
That's not your car?
Yeah. What?
Nothing... I just didn't know they sold those to men.
[Burt Reynolds does a stunt during a car chase that causes a police car to land ontop of another]
HOLY SHIT! Burt Reynolds!
Hey, pay attention and you might learn something.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my giant, throbbing erection!
[Burt slams on the brakes, causing Archer to fall forward and hit his nose the dashboard. He comes back up holding his nose]
How about now?
It's gone. I'm all ears.
That Burt Reynolds is so freaking awesome!
Yeah, he... kinda is.
After this, I am going to go home, watch Hooper and masturbate until my fingers bleed.
[Cheryl and Archer stare at her]
Just tape them up!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.