TV show quotes
In all seriousness, folks, the internet can be a treacherous place. Be careful not to submit your personal information to third parties.
Thank you, Wakko. In fact, there is only one website you can trust: www.dotwarnermalwarevirusspreaderidentitythefttrojanhorsebotcom.edy.
Order now, and use the promo code Suckers to add 50% on your purchase!
Expecting to see your two favorite mice being dumb, smart or whatever it is that they do. Unfortunately, nobody’s seen them in months. So, to fill the slot, I turned otherwise useless footage into a nostalgic streaming experience. You see, Pinky and the Brain wasn’t always the show we know and love today. In fact, the studio struggle to find a vehicle for the dynamic duo for a long long time. What you’re about to see are the original pilots for Pinky and the Brain. They’ve never been seen by anyone before. Except the archival editor who shaves his face over the water fountain. So, open wide, baby birdies! Mommy’s about to regurgitate some slop into your content hungry mouths. [begins to regurgitate, but the screen changes to a Please Stand By card]
[In a Westworld parody, a light shines a figure's belly. Ropes from a net sway in the air. A reflection of the WB Studio lot water tower sweeps over the figure's eye. Wheels of a cart spin, and a headlight shines brightly. Two mechanical hands draw a cap with pencils. Another hand adds shading to the figure's boot and pant leg. A third hand adds dark brown ink to breast pockets and a necktie. A sprayer sprays a 5 o'clock shadow on the figure's face. A metal ring lifts up with the figure on it. It's Ralph. The word "Ralph World" appears below him. His shirt spreads open revealing his belly, causing a button to ricochet at the hands]
Huh? [covers his belly with a nervous chuckle] Duh…
Mom! This is worse than my quinceañera! Stop embarrassing me, and get off my stage! [points to the Warner siblings] And send these three back where they came from. I'm guessing Dr. Seuss' garbage can.
Alright! We'll see ya!
[holding him back] Ooh! Hang on. I think Dot's about to blow.
[steams up furiously and explodes; thrives over to Cora] How dare you! You're talking to Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III!
Well, I am Queen Cora Nora Bora Bora Angora Dora Norita IV!
Are you sure? [gets up into Cora's face] Because it feels like I'm talking to a spoiled brat whose mommy gets her everything she wants!
That's not true! [pushes Dot off of her] I asked for an ice sculpture of a dolphin, but this is clearly a porpoise!
Don't worry, sweetie. Mama will fix this. She'll make it a dolphin for you.
[The Warner siblings are at an art museum, looking at some paintings and sculptures]
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
[The painting reads, "I don't get it"]
Now, that one I get.
[A painter is painting Daffy as The Thinker]
Finally, some real art!
At least someone appreciates my exquisite physique.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
Well, sibs, maybe our brains aren't sophisticated enough for this, huh? We're just silly kids with silly thoughts. Like, I don't know, what was the best thing before sliced bread?
And why do they have interstate highways in Hawaii? And why do we take the bus when the bus is the one taking us?
And how come the letter W is called "double U," but the letter M isn't called "double N"?
Good question, Wakko. And if you ate pasta and anti‐pasta, wouldn't a black hole open in your stomach?
And why is mixed fruit called a fruit salad, but mixed cheese is called a cheese board?
Why would you ever look a gift horse in the mouth unless you were a qualified horse dentist?
[walks back into the water tower as the weather pours down rain; disappointed] Well, looks like the company picnic's gonna be canceled. [sits on the sofa]
[dismayed] Aw, man. But I love the company picnic! They got games, and food, and games you play with food.
Yeah. Even though we're never invited, I really do look forward to getting kicked out every year.
Guess we could just watch WebPix until the weather clears up.
WebPix? Is that like, Net‐‐
Exactly! It's a streaming service, loaded with thousands of the world's finest TV shows and movies.
With all those options, how will we choose what to watch?
Well, that's the best part. Well, since every single thing on WebPix is top notch, we can just watch the first thing that comes up.
Can't take it anymore.
Me neither. Can't we just play food games since we missed the company picnic?
Oh, absolutely. We can do anything as long as we don't scroll through WebPix anymore. I've had a little too much of "the golden age of television." [throws the remote aside]
[A group of three kids are seen pausing the show on the TV screen]
Should we watch that?
Nah. Animaniacs is way too meta.
[The animator draws Pepe Le Pew on Yakko's ice cream cone and Yakko licks him and reacts in disgust]
Zis is not something I would usually say, but, uh, things may be moving a little fast for moi.
Hey! Bring back my health insurance ice cream, pal.
No! No! Please, mon cheri! Do not erase me! The void, she is cold and dark and‐ [the animator erases him]
[after the animator erases his body, leaving only his mouth] Give me a body before you get us sued! [the animator erases his mouth and redraws him in his original design] Ah. [the animator draws a mirror in his hand; looks at his reflection and screams in horror, dropping the mirror] I thought we were passed all this!
[talking in Ralph's voice] Duh, poor Ralph. He never stood a chance with this voice. [laughs] Change me back into a Warner. [the animator changes his voice; in Dot's voice] I meant a Warner brother. [the animator changes his voice again; in Wakko's voice] I meant...Actually, wait. I've always wanted to try this. [speaking in a Ringo impression] People used to say there were better drummers than me, even in The Beatles. People can be real jerks. [the animator changes the sound of his voice back to his own] You know, I was always more of a George guy anyway. How about I go back to being the rapier wit who carries this whole operation, and you go back to being the paint‐by‐numbers wannabe artiste. Hm?
[breathes deeply] Just walk away, Yakko. Be the bigger man. [the animator shrinks him; high-pitched voice] Small things amuse small minds. GIVE ME MY HEIGHT BACK! [the animator makes him tall and thin] And my width. [the animator stretches him out, completely widen and flat] And my depth!
Which is why we can expect sustained... [the animator changes her voice to sound like Daffy's] increases in studio profitability. Say, do we even have the right to use this voice?
This is ridiculous, Pinky. I must prove to dad, I mean, Dr. Doppler that I am worthy of his respect and utmost confidence. [hears a loud rumbling sound] Aah!
[Turns out, Pinky's tummy was rumbling]
And how will you do that, Brain?
Pinky! Don't you dare!
Oh. I’m sorry, Brain! But, I’m so hungry, my body is eating itself [his tummy rumbles] And I don’t taste very good!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Animaniacs (2020) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
