Wakko Warner quotes from Animaniacs (2020)

Wakko

My sandwich! [notices a sandwich in the middle of the hall of lasers, which was old, moldy and gone bad] Just where I left it!

Wakko

Somebody ate my donuts! [holds out an empty donut box]

Wakko

Well...That's the strongest alibi I've ever heard. Consider yourselves lucky. Because when I find the person who did this, I'm gonna turn their faces into mashed potatoes with butter and gravy! [starts breaking down, depressingly] Oh, man. Mashed potatoes with gravy was one of the donut flavors! [crying]

Yakko

Alright guys, there's a lot of pressure on our first lines. They gotta be funny, they gotta be irreverent, and most of all, they got to be carefully crafted.

Wakko

But you just wasted yours on. [American accent; imitating Yakko] "Alright guys, there's a lot of pressure on our first lines."

Yakko

And you just wasted yours on. [Liverpool accent; imitating Wakko] "But you just wasted yours on...'Alright guys, there's a lot of pressure on our first lines.'"

Dot

To be-

Yakko

[covering Dot's mouth] Wait, don't! Make sure it's good first.

Wakko

Yeah, it's all on you, Dot.

Yakko

[quickly interrupts her again by covering her mouth] Maybe something reminiscent of the 1st season?

Wakko

But, modern to show them that we're not your dad's Animaniacs.

Yakko

But, not so modern that you'll alienate your dads because they're a key part of our demographic! [Dot took a deep breath as if she was trying to say something, but she, once again, is interrupted] Don't overthink it.

Dot

[annoyed, bangs her brothers with a huge mallet] 22 years later and I'm still a knockout!

Yakko

Hello, I'm Yakko Warner. All joking aside, reboots are symptomatic of a fundamental lack of originality in Hollywood. A creativity crisis fueled by terrified executives clinging to the past like rats to the debris of a sinking ship.

Dot

Yeah! Have you know shame?!

Here's your check for the Animaniacs reboot, you sellouts!

Wakko

Yeah, but when we sell out, we KNOW we're selling out, so it's cool.

Wakko

We need a doctor.

Yakko

[while holding a phone] We can't. Hippocrates is on vacaction.

Dot

[hops into Yakko's arms] A vacation?! That's a great idea!

Wakko

[while looking at the gold medals] Look! Foiled-wrapped chocolates!

Dot

Oh, how fancy!

Wakko

Looks like we're gonna have to become "Gold Meddlers"!

Dot

Title of the sketch?

Wakko

Title of the sketch.

Dot

Yakko really depends on the support of his family. I recently spoke to his brother.

Wakko

And I recently spoke to his sister. They both agree:

[shrug] He can't swim!

Yakko

Ah, Equestrian. The event where the horse does all the work, and the human takes all the credit.

Wakko

[folds his arms] You'd know a lot about "taking all the credit", Mister Countries-of-the-World Song.

Yakko

Finally! Our Giuseppe Arcimboldo tribute sculpture is complete!

Dot

And it only took us three months!

Wakko

Who's Giuseppe Arcimboldo again?

Yakko

I'm glad you asked, Wakko. [begins to sing] In 16th Century Italy... [the doorbell rings] Eh, guess the song will have to wait. [opens the door, and sees an unusual man chuckling, causing him to scream by surprise]

Howdy, I'm your new neighbor. [one of the sound stages is moved and replaced with a barn] I'm Dwayne Lapistol. Just came by to introduce myself an' show ya my buns. [his bum flexes]

Yakko

Goodnight, everybody!

Not those buns, these buns! [brings out cute bunny rabbits]

[smiling] Aw!

Dot

Gentlemen, it's time to go to...WAR!!!

Yakko

WAR!!!

Wakko

[holds up a sandwich] LUNCH!!! [beat] Oops, sorry. War. It's time to go to war! [eats a sandwich]

Dot

[with an extreme close-up] Let's do this!

Yakko

Yakko Warner! The Yak-attack!

Dot

Dot Warner! And don't call me "Dottie"!

Wakko

Wakko Warner! I've got an appetite for destruction!

Yakko

[about the Dingos] Whoa. I thought they were just gonna eat all the bunnies.

Dot

Nope, the only thing that's biting here is the satire.

[tied in a sack in the back of a truck with his remaining "buns"] You can't do this to me! I'm a responsible bun owner! I'll prove it to the world! We all have the right to bear buns! [one last bum flex]

Yakko

Not here. This is a kid's show. [pats the truck]

Dot

After this, no more hillbilly allegors.

Wakko

Oh, I get it! This entire episode has been a metaphor for shoes!

Yakko

[sarcastically] Yeah, Wakko, because America has too much high-capacity shoe violence.

Wakko

Well, what is it then? Eggs? Motorcycles? A variety of salad dressings? What?!

Dot

We'll tell you later when you're a little older.

Dot

He's an influencer, now.

Wakko

I thought he was a shi-tsu.

Yakko

Goodnight, everybody!

Yakko

So, it's agreed. In today's episode of Animaniacs, the Warners will torment a... [selects an idea] narcoleptic...

Dot

[also selects one] Dairy cow who's also a...

Wakko

[selects one, using his tongue] Vampire? [he and Dot both sigh]

Yakko

Hey, this is... [sighs] Who am I kidding? Face it, guys. We're out of ideas.

Dot

It does feel like we've been doing a lot of the heavy lifting in this reboot.

Wakko

Yeah. Didn't this show used to have more characters?

Yakko

You know, you're right. Whatever happened to Rita and Runt, Minerva Mink, the Hip Hippos, Steven Seagull, Chicken Boo, Buttons, Walter Wolf...

Dot

[sees the wedding ring on Grubb's finger] A wedding ring? Why... [look at Grubb's gross face] ...you must have a great personality.

Wakko

Or he's rich.

Yakko

[whispers] Could be a green card marriage.

[backing away; composing himself] Là Señora Grubb loves me very much, thank you!