Dick, I believe you're up.
DDick
I don't have anything for show and tell. I just found out I have liver cancer.
I'm giving you a zero for the day.
“Office Spaceman” · Season 3, Episode 14
In this episode: Roger (4), Stan Smith (3), Avery Bullock (3)
[after finding the photo of Roger in the paper] How did this happen?
I have no idea. I leave the house in disguise, but six Rob Roys later, things happen that I can't be responsible for. Like buying this puzzle. Why the hell did I buy this puzzle?
[begins tearing the nearly complete puzzle apart]
I hate puppies! Get out of that tea cup! That cup is for tea!
[Roger and Stan pretend to meet for the first time at the CIA]
What's your name?
[through clenched teeth] Stan.
Hmm, I already know a "Stan". I'm going to call you Mortimer. Now, run and fix me a coffee.
[Stan doesn't move]
Today, Mortimer James!
[turns to Bullock]
I add his middle name when I'm dissapointed in him.
I'm not ready to die! Not before Shatner!
Our Alien Task Force clearly needs some rejiggering. Ray, you're no longer in charge.
RRay
Of what?
The Alien Task Force.
RRay
What the hell's that?
The task force you've been in charge of!
RRay
Oh. How did I do?
I need a new team leader.
JJackson
Sir, I'm your man. I will not rest until the alien and all his accomplices are brought to just...
[to Bullock; pointing at Jackson] He told me he hates you.
What? Jackson, is this true?
JJackson
...Yes.
Get out of my sight! Smith, how do you feel about me?
You're okay, I guess.
Good, then you're the man for this job.
"I told you to listen to me." He did. He totally did. "P.S. Francine called, Lady Peckinpaw is dead." Eh.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.