Hi, ALF, what you watching?
I'm not watching, I'm studying.
Studying what?
The petrie method of childbirth.
[a clip from The Dick Van Dyke Show plays]
But this is The Dick Van Dyke Show.
Exactly. You see, Rob Petrie was the consummate TV father. That's why Ritchie turned out to be such a mensch.
Well, dad told me where babies come from and he never mentioned The Dick Van Dyke Show.
Your father is a good man but sometimes I think his hefty bag's not twist-tied.
[another clip The Dick Van Dyke Show shows]
Brian, I have told you a hundred times not to leave your baseball glove on the floor!
Oh-oh, here comes Crabzilla!
Sorry, mom. How was your nap?
Obviously, not long enough.
Look, ALF, a woman's body goes through a lot of changes when she's pregnant. She can't always control her emotions. Oh. I'm sorry if I've been hard on you guys.
That's alright, mom. Dad says no matter how cranky you get we should just humor you.
You can tell your father to take his humor and sit on it.
Sure, mom, whatever you say.
Hey, hey, just because you're trucking a wide load doesn't mean you shouldn't observe the social graces. You know, the worst Laura Petrie ever did was an occasional, Oh, Rob.
Laura Petrie?
I'm studying up to help you have your baby.
And you're studying,
The Dick Van Dyke Show.
Of course. ALF, that's very sweet of you to wanna help but in this particular case I think Willie is a little more qualified.
Yeah? Then where is he, huh? Answer me that, huh? Where, huh? Where, huh, huh, huh, where?
[comes home from work] I'm home.
I hate when he does that.
Something I should know about?
Only if you write for The Alan Brady Show.
Nothing I should know about.
I'm placing myself at the ready to assist mommy dearest over there with her blessed event.
Uh, traditionally, ALF, that's the father's role.
Really? On Melmac, the father's role was to stand back and yell, Pull, pull.
Don't you mean, Push, push?
No. On Melmac, the mother gave birth while the father went skeet shooting.
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