[while putting on a costume on Brian for a school play] Hold still, Bri. I don't wanna stick you.
You look great, B. Sort of like the Pope's son.
I'm in a play at school. I'm Friar Tuck. One of Robin Hood's merry men.
No kidding. We had a Robin Hood on Melmac.
Did he take from the rich and give to the poor?
No, he just robbed the hoods off people's cars.
Honey, please. ALF, would you leave us alone?
Fine. I'll go bother Lynn. What's all this stuff?
It's a project for my sociology class. I'm putting together our family tree.
Who chopped it down? Was it me, again?
ALF, why don't you make a family tree?
Yeah, it's a fun way to remember your ancestors.
Well, I don't remember much.
My father was always breaking things, and my mother sat around eating all day.
It's amazing you turned out so well.
Thanks. But sometimes I do blow my nose on the wrong towel. [Kate and Lynn stare at ALF] What?
[Willie and Kate found out that ALF left the Tanners]
You want to get the coffee?
I'll get the eggs. [sighs] Well, I see ALF's had his breakfast.
At least he didn't eat the tape recorder. [finds ALF's note] What is this?
Probably his grocery list.
Kate, listen. [reads ALF's note] "Dear Earth family, the depth of my shame is so great. I've decided to leave. Press play for further details." [he press play on ALF's tape as he hears opera playing] "That's my "Carmen" tape".
[singing on his tape and makes his announcement] "Yo, Tanners, it's me ALF. Hope you don't mind me recording over your Carmen tape."
No, no, your version is much better.
[on tape] "As you now know, I'm not there. I've decided to run away to a place where peace and tranquility allow for the contemplation of life's vicissitudes."
What does he know of life's vicissitudes? I still have to put up the toilet seat for him.
[on tape] "Perhaps 1 day when I can deal with my seedy lineage I will see you all again. Farewell. I love you all. Now back to more classical music." [sings opera until the tape is turned off]
Willie, where could he have gone?
[Willie is listening to ALF's recording]
[on tape] As you now know, I'm not there. I've run away to a place where peace and tranquility allow for the contemplation of life's vicissitudes.
[comes to the living room] Willie, I couldn't find him anywhere.
Well, where could a 3 foot, hairy alien go and not be conspicuous?
Steven Spielberg's house?
[Brian comes to the living room]
No. But my Friar Tuck costume is gone. Maybe he went to Sherwood Forest.
No, Bri. Sherwood Forest is in England. ALF only took enough food to get to Canada.
Oh, it's hard to explain, Bri. Y-you'll understand when you're older.
Well, older than me. I'm still trying to figure it out.
[arrives home] Nothing. Where could he have gone?
Someplace where peace and tranquility allow for the contemplation of life's vicissitudes.
Well, that's what he said on the tape.
No, no, uh, besides that. Wait a minute, ALF wanted me to send my allowance to a bunch of monks. Listen to this. [reads ALF's note] "Peace and tranquility, life's vicissitudes." It's from the Brothers of the Peaceful Dominion.
That's it! He's joined a monastery.
Face it, ALF, you're not monk material.
Well yes I am. I came with all the qualifications. Sloth, Greed, Gluttony.
Those are the Seven Deadly Sins.
I thought the Seven Deadly Sins were those guys from Snow White.
Those are the Seven Dwarfs.
We prefer to call them "little people".
Come on home, ALF. We miss you. Nobody cares about your past.
Well, gee, I don't know. Tonight's my turn to bang the dinner gong.
Okay, you got a deal. You came all this way to get me. If you want me back so badly. You deserve me.
Well, just give me a second to say goodbye to the bros, okay? Yo, I'm leaving! [the monks cheer] I thought this was a silent order.
