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195 QUOTES

A character in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Phil Coulson quotes from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Played by Clark Gregg · 195 quotes · page 5 of 13

Phil Coulson

Most-quoted character in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: in 195 of its 679 quotes
Most scenes with: Melinda May (47), Mack Mackenzie (27), Daisy Johnson (25)

Scenes with Phil Coulson 179

Hello?

Coulson

Who is this?

Agent Coulson, I'm glad you got my message.

Coulson

Raina, as I live and breathe.

It's been a while since we've spoken.

Coulson

I'm kind of in the middle of a manhunt; can we make this quick?

Why? You need time to trace this call, don't you? I take it then you haven't tracked down Mr. Creel or the item he stole.

Coulson

What do you know about that?

I know Hydra's about to get their hands on it.

Coulson

Congratulations.

Let me be clear - Mr. Creel is working for Hydra. I am not.

Coulson

Why the breakup? Bad dental plan?

Hydra has only one thing on their minds - world domination, which is so 1945.

Coulson

What do you want Raina?

It's what I don't want. Which is the obelisk falling into the hands of people who don't understand it.

[Simmons enters her home gun drawn to find Coulson]

Coulson

Did you think I wouldn't find out?

[Simmons lowers her gun]

Coulson

Sriracha? Beer? That's all? What kind of diet is that?

Well, I also have tea. And if my diet is such a concern, then perhaps dead-drops shouldn't involve fast food.

Coulson

We'll revisit that protocol.

Coulson

This is fun, right? Isn't this fun? Look - [Holds up his sleeves] Cufflinks!

I will pay you $500 right now for a pair of flats.

[Hears a noise over the comms] Wait. What was that?

Coulson

Yeah. That's May.

Is-is she okay? Is everything okay?

Coulson

Yes. She's laughing. I think the worst of it's over now.

[Walks up to Coulson] My face hurts.

Hold on, are you saying that I'm an alien?!

Coulson

It's a theory.

No, a theory is what scientists use to prove things in nature, this is you telling me that I might be an alien! That's not something you just say like it's no big deal!

Coulson

I was trying not to rattle you.

Guess what? Epic fail!

I'm still a part of your team.

Coulson

My team? You th-- You are not, nor you'll ever be, on my team. You dropped Fitz-Simmons out of a plane. You murdered Victoria Hand and Eric Koenig. You betrayed every one of us, you deluded son of a bitch! The only reason you're alive is because you were of use! And the only reason you're being transferred is because your brother is of more use.

In the history of bad ideas, this is light years ahead of everything.

Coulson

No. Trying to bring dead agents back to life using alien blood blows everything else away.

Coulson

What are we talking about? Tesseract-level power?

CJDr. Calvin Johnson

Sure. I don't know what that is.

Coulson

You realize we're talking life and death here.

I know! It's exciting, isn't it? I mean, both sides racing to the temple, life and death, flesh and blood, emotions! Who knows how it'll shake out? All I know is, my baby's gonna be right there in the center of it.

"They'll never take us alive!"? Really? A little over the top, don't you think?

Coulson

I only had a day to come up with this whole thing. Besides, if I let you write the script, no one would say anything.

Coulson, your people make decisions based on logic.

Coulson

Usually.

Usually. As do mine.

Coulson

Leaving Skye with us is the logical choice, I promise.

No. No. That is not what I mean. Asgard is millennia beyond you in our pursuit of science and knowledge. And we have learned there are some things that can never be understood.

Coulson

Is this little talk one of 'em?

Nice office. Lots of light.

Coulson

You haven't even delved into the record collection.

I have no plans of moving in. You may not know who I am, but I -

Coulson

Oh, no. I actually know quite a bit about you, Robert. You started in S.H.I.E.L.D. young, like me, dropped out for awhile when your wife passed, but then came back with a vengeance, rose to command the Iliad three years later and, by all accounts, became one of the best commanders S.H.I.E.L.D. ever had. I know this because I spent months searching for you when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, because I'd heard you were a good man, 'cause I wanted you on my team.

GGonzalez

I wish I could say the same. I wish you were the man you were even two years ago. But by all accounts, you're not.

Coulson

You didn't know me then, and you don't know me now.

I know that Fury brought you back from the dead.

Coulson

Right. I didn't ask for that. But I've come to appreciate the gesture.

And that he filled your veins with alien blood. God knows what that did. Weaver thinks it made you into some kind of a messenger for an alien race. Can you say with certainty that that's not true?

Coulson

You really think they're gonna help you?

Everyone on your team is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. We'll let them make their own decisions.

[Shoots Gonzales in the back with an Icer] Already made mine.

Coulson

That's really a nice entrance.

[Hunter writes down "L. Hunter" on a napkin and shows it to Coulson.]

Coulson

What's that?

You offered me a permanent position. Consider that my contract. So, what's the plan, boss?

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