Dr. Robotnik quotes from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic

Oops! You're in trouble, Doctor.

Robotnik

I'm never in trouble, I make trouble!

Sonic

You spelled "kidnapped" with a "C." (revealing the word "Cidnapped")

Robotnik

So? When I take total control of Mobius, that's the way everyone will spell it!

Robotnik

Failed again, did you?

Scratch

Why, no, your supreme awfulness, in fact we succeeded wonderfully!

Grounder

In a kind of negative way.

Robotnik

SILENCE! YOU DUMBBOTS WOULDN'T KNOW SUCCESS IF IT BIT YOU ON THE BUMPER!

Robotnik

What's going on here?!

Scratch

Uh, oh… we were just, uh… waiting for the news, your nastiness!

Grounder

Yeah, that's right! We wanted to see if we did anything rotten today.

Robotnik

SILENCE!

Yes, your rottenness!

Robotnik

How many times do I have to tell you two dingbats to do something useful with your spare time, like, uh… kissing my feet?

Robotnik

Of course,they will. There's nothing more sacred than the bond between a boy and his pet! As I know all too well!

Grounder

Aww, you had a pet?

Robotnik

Mr. Bobo was more than a pet, hew was a villain's best friend! Brave, trustworthy, loyal, always willing to share his lunch! Oh, I miss that little cockroach!

Coconuts

As soon as I saw the dreamamajig, Dr. Robotnik, I knew you'd want to know about it!

Dr. Robotnik

Indeed! If I had that machine, I could terrorize all of Mobius!

Coconuts

I guess this means I'm finally gettin' my promotion, huh?

Dr. Robotnik

(shoots out of his chair) Promotion?! What for?! You should have swiped the machine and brought it to me, you nincombot!

Coconuts

But, but, eh... (Dr. Robotnik gives him a mop and bucket)

Dr. Robotnik

I'm demoting you to scrub monkey, third class! Now go and mop up the dungeon! (Pulls a lever and Coconuts falls into the dungeon. Then the door opens and Scratch and Grounder fall through)

Dr. Robotnik

Snoo-PING AS usual, I see?

Scratch

Not me! I didn't hear nothing about Von Schlemmer's dreamamajig!

Grounder

Er... me neither! Especially I didn't hear the part about the clown!

Dr. Robotnik

Stop jabbering, you dingbots! I'm formulating a plan to take advantage of this unexpected turn of events!

Grounder

And the brilliant idea is, your sneakiness?

Scratch

It's a work of genius!

Dr. Robotnik

Idiots! I haven't thought of it yet, you boot-lickers!

Grounder

Ooh. But when you think of it...

Scratch

I know it'll be marvelous!

Dr. Robotnik

That's true... Ahah! I have just come up with a magnificent scheme! (points at his feet) Now you may lick my boots! (Scratch and Grounder stick out their tongues in disgust)

Scratch

Urrgh!

Grounder

(disgusted) I hate this part!

Dr. Robotnik

Fools! Idiots!

Grounder

Oh, you called?

Robotnik

AHAHAHAHA! I really put one over on that rube! This sack of gold can finance a whole army of robots to trample Mobius into submission!

Scratch

You're my hero Dr Robotnik sir. You're rotten to the core, BAHAHAHA!

Robotnik

Thank you, and to show how much I appreciate you two numbskulls, I'm going to give you a tip.

Scratch

Wow, aha, great!

Grounder

Oh, boy, a tip!

Robotnik

The tip is: "always buy new shoes in the afternoon, after your feet have expanded".

Scratch

I'll, uh, try to remember that.

Grounder

Yeah, me too, in case I ever get feet.

Robotnik

I bet this nugget alone is worth...[smells it]...hmmm? Strange. It smells like...chili beans. [eats it] It IS chili beans! STALE CHILI BEANS! Covered with gold paint!

Grounder

That was a pretty tricky hillbilly.

Robotnik

Coconuts!

Coconuts

[enters room] You want me, your putridness? You want me?

Robotnik

I was bamboozled by Sonic, and it's all your fault!

Coconuts

What are you talking about?! I wasn't even there!

Robotnik

Shut up! I'm the boss, I can blame whoever I want to! I am demoting you down to mop-up duty!

Coconuts

But, but, but, but, but,...[moans]...where do I start?

Robotnik

By standing on that X!

Robotnik

Ha!

Coconuts

NOT AGAIN!

Robotnik

If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get even with that scheme-stopping spine-headed hedgehog!

Robotnik

You still haven't gotten Sonic?

Grounder

Um, no, your supreme cruelness, Sir!

Robotnik

What about all my evilly genius traps?

Scratch

Uh, [chuckles] The hedgehog seems to be enjoying them!

Robotnik

I arrange an all-expenses-paid adventure holiday for the hedgehog, and he has the unmitigated gall to have fun?! I hate that hedgehog!

Robotnik

You idiot! I would've captured that hedgehog if it wasn't for you! Whoever you are! [Quark pops out]

If it wasn't for you, you ridiculous fool, I would've gotten rid of that hedgehog!

Robotnik

Ridiculous?! What business is it of yours, anyway?

[pulls out crown and puts it on his head] Why, I plan to take over the entire planet of Mobius, and declare myself absolute ruler, of course!

Robotnik

Of course. Now, about this, uh, uh...[indistinct mumbling]...WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

[pulls out poster] And when I'm through with this miserable planet, I'm building it a shrine to me, Brandon Quark, M.D., Ph. D., C.E.G.!

Scratch

What does C.E.G. stand for?

Crazy Evil Genius, natch.

That's Quark, egg boy! [jumps out on Robotnik's belly] And I've never seen anything as preposterous as you!

Robotnik

Check a mirror, duck butt!

Okay! So I had a little lab accident with a duck! But it's all just water...

Robotnik

...Off a duck's back! [pushes Quark off] With my scientific genius, you haven't got a chance!

[looking at Scratch and Grounder] You call those wind-up toys scientific genius?! Get a load of this, egg boy!

You summoned me, Dr. Quark?

This is a D.U.F.U.S, Designed Unit Flexible Underling Substitute, the most powerful weapon on the planet! And now for a little demo, Robotnik!

I am a prototype D.U.F.U.S., capable of 2,486 offensive modes!

Robotnik

This planet isn't big enough for the both of us!

Your belt isn't big enough for you! [He pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts Robotnik's belt, revealing his underwear. Robotnik, in embarrassment, pulls up his pants.]

Robotnik

Look who's quacking!

I'M NOT A DUCK! I'M NOT A DUCK! I'M NOT A DUCK! [pause] I propose a contest. Whichever of us captures Sonic the Hedgehog shall have sole dominion over Mobius!

Robotnik

You got it! There's nothing like a fair fight.

[to themselves] And this will be nothing like a fair fight! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Scratch

Oh, I gotcha now!

Where are the prisoners?

Scratch

Oh, er, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, they're still in there!

Grounder

No, they're not! They...

That is improbable! My sensors cannot sense them!

Scratch

Well, open the door and see! [D.U.F.U.S. opens the cell door and looks in.] Oh, no! YOU let them out! Look! The cell is empty!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I refused that! I have committed an error! That is impossible!

Robotnik

The hedgehog is ours! What a team we make! Robotnik and Quark!

That's Quark and Robotnik!

Robotnik

Join me for a little gloating in Sonic's cell?

I'm inviting you to join me! [towards cell] D.U.F.U.S.! Are you there?

What shall I do? It's Dr. Quark!

Grounder

Lie!

That is against my programming! My circuits are hurting!

Scratch

Well, once Dr. Robotnik and Quark see what YOU did, your circuits will be hurting even more!

Having fun?

Robotnik

Turn out that light!

That's not just a light.. it's my solar polar molar!

Robotnik

In that case, shut your mouth!

Not before my solar breath burns Sonic into Hedgehog chips!

Sonic

Sounds like a great party!

I'll bring the dip!

You are the DIP!

Robotnik

Careful! If the solar ray touches my Darkinator, There's no telling-

Robotnik

[weakly] WhAt mIgHt hAppEn...!

This failure was probable to a factor of 245,764 to 1.

Oh, can it!

Of course, the mathematical probability can be altered; if you are to combine forces, the success slash failure ratio, is 4062 to 1.

Combined forces? per-posterous idea!

Robotnik

Absurd idea, I like it!

Might work.

Robotnik

[has stopped his large tank] Why that ego-maniac! [spots sign] "Welcome to Quark Land?" [he, Scratch, and Grounder walk over to Sonic and Tails, disguised as soldiers]

Sonic

Welcome to Quark Land. You have obviously arrived to enlist in the glorious war against the inferior Robotnik. Hail Quark!

Hail Quark!

Grounder

Hail Quar... [Scratch bonks him on the head] ...OW!

Robotnik

That's it! This time he's gone too far! It's duck-hunting season, boys!

Scratch

Dr. Robotnik!

Grounder

Throbbin Screech is on!

Scratch

It's showtime! Bahahaha!

Robotnik

Silence! We're not watching his show; we hate his show!

Grounder

No we don't; it's our very favorite. (Scratch pounds him against the wall.) We'd rather watch reruns of Bart the Barfy Bumblebee any day.

Hey, this is fake money!

Robotnik

Of course, I'm a fake nice person. Throw him in the dungeon!

You'll pay for this! I can't stand dishonesty!

Robotnik

First, I place the Chaos Emerald in the activation altar. Then, I decide which part of Mobius I wish to sink into the sea, and then...

Sonic

Your old pal Sonic shows up and stops everything!

Robotnik

How did you find me you spiny spoil-sport?

Sonic

I figured Easy Eddie would bring you the ring, and once you had it, you couldn't wait to use it!

Robotnik

It's mine! Give it to me!

Sonic

No way Egg-belly, I'm taking this ring somewhere you'll never find it!

Robotnik

I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!