Dr. Robotnik quotes from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

Robotnik

Just get this bomb within' five miles of him!

Robotnik

He's out there still! Mocking me with his scurrilous speed! Standing between me and my dream of total domination of Mobius!

Scratch

[turns on the light] Are you talking about Sonic?

Robotnik

TURN OFF THAT LIGHT!!! Can't you see I'm brooding?

Scratch

Oh yeah, sorry. [turns it off again]

Robotnik

That's better. As I was saying, I hate that hedgehog! And I want him captured NOW!

Grounder

But how are we ever gonna find him?

Robotnik

My deluxe highly-calibrated Hedgehog-omitor has picked up his trail in the Marble Zone. You leave at first light! [presses a button, activating a springy platform that sends Scratch and Grounder soaring outside]

Scratch

BUT IT'S STILL–

Grounder

...DARK OOOOOUT!!!

Robotnik

So? I'm a little impatient.

Robotnik

If this doesn't work, I'm going to make chicken broth out of both of you!

Grounder

Can you make broth out of robots?

Grounder

Sure, why not? A little salt, a little pepper, I'm sure we'd be delicious!

Robotnik

Who is this?! I can't talk now! I'm waiting for important news from the ice territory!

Ah, listen up, Your Rottenness - Sonic was just here!

Robotnik

Haha, it's working! My sneaky, devious, underhanded scheme is working!

Scratch

Any sneaky, devious, underhanded scheme in particular?

Robotnik

Yes! My secret agent Breezie has got Sonic running in circles all over Mobius!

Scratch

Breezie is your secret agent?!

Robotnik

Of course!

Grounder

Then why did you send us to capture her?

Robotnik

That was the brilliantly sneaky part of my devious and underhanded scheme!

It was?

Robotnik

Yes, you dumb-bots! How else could I get Sonic to think Breezie is on his side?

Scratch

(after a brief silence) I knew it all the time!

Grounder

I knew it before you did!

Scratch

Great acting job I did when we captured her, huh?

Grounder

(sarcastically) Yeah, great acting. You almost had me thinking Robotnik put a brain in your head!

Robotnik

(punches Grounder, sending him flying into a wall) SILENCE!!!

Grounder

Yes, Your Miserableness.

Robotnik

[showing Scratch and Grounder a new machine] Well, gentlemen, how do you like it?

Grounder

Hmmm...

Scratch

Uhhh... oh, we love it!

Grounder

Yeah, it's the best one we've ever seen!

Scratch

If we were gonna build ourselves, we'd make it exactly like that.

Grounder

Exactly!

Scratch

One question.

Robotnik

Yeeeees?

What is it?

Robotnik

[looks frustrated for a moment] It's my new Eggo-Matic-Tunnelizer and Town Terrorizer! [points down to a nearby village] See that ugly empty space in front of my fortress?

Scratch

It's not exactly empty, Your Maliciousness.

Grounder

That is that whole village right there.

Robotnik

In six hours, that village will be gone!

Scratch

Gone?

Robotnik

Vanished! Destroyed! Obliterated! I'm flooding it! I'm going to tunnel down to the main Mobius reservoir, steal all its water, and turn that town into Lake Robotnik! [laughs evilly]

Grounder

Need any help?

Robotnik

NO! I want you two to go help Breezie eliminate Sonic! This is one time I'm going to do some rottenness and that hedgehog won't stop me!

Grounder

But what will happen to all the people?

Robotnik

In a word... they'll all be SUNK! [cackles]

Robotnik

How dare you interrupt me now!? I want my monument finished in time for Robotnik Day!

Grounder

Woo! I didn't know there was a Robotnik Day.

Robotnik

Of course there's a Robotnik Day! I just declared it one minute ago! In honor of myself!

Robotnik

Is my new Casino Night Zone ready?

Grounder

Uh, no...

Robotnik

No?! I spent over a million mobiums on that place! I made it a top priority! How can my new Casino Night Zone not be ready?

Grounder

Because it's locked and I have the key.

Robotnik

Well, then go open it, you nincombutt, you stupo-you miserable mess of microchips!

Grounder

I'm doing better, he didn't call me a hopeless hunk of junk.

Robotnik

And make it fast you hopeless hunk of junk!

Robotnik

You’ll be happy to know that a thousand Mobians have staked their freedom on your victory.

Sonic

It’s a safe bet, egg-belly!

Robotnik

Not for your little sidekick. Remember : if you win, he’s DOOMED.

Sonic

You don’t honestly expect your scumbot to beat me, do ya ?

Robotnik

Honestly ? Of course not. I never do anything honestly. You must throw the race ! Then those Mobians will be my slaves.

Sonic

I can't do that !

Robotnik

It’s the Mobians or Tails! You decide! (laughs evilly)

Robotnik

(repeatedly) YOU MUST LOSE THE RACE, LOSE THE RACE, LOSE THE RACE, LOSE THE RACE! MOBIUS OR TAILS, OR TAILS, OR TAILS, OR TAILS!

Grounder

That should stop it! (threw the stone down)

Sonic

I didn't mean, that the people can go too slow... (seeding the falling stone) YIKES!!! GAGA-GAAAAAHHH!

Sonic

Major fender-bender. Robotnik is not gonna be happy.

Robotnik

[furiously] You did what with my Egg-O-Matic?!

Coconuts

[nervously] Uh, I sorta borrowed it.

Robotnik

[angrily] "Borrowed it"?! You stole it, you pseudo-simian sap! [points at Coconuts] Give it back at once!

Coconuts

[stammering] Oh, right. Give it back, ye-yeah yeah, I'll give it back. I... Oh, uh... I can't.

Robotnik

[spitting at Coconuts] You can't?!

[in unison] We can!

Robotnik

My Egg-O-Matic! Oh, no!

Grounder

Coconuts totaled it, your supreme sliminess.

Coconuts

[nervously] I had a little accident. Eh, just a little accident. [chuckles nervously, then shrieks as Robotnik jumps]

Robotnik

Don't ruin my baby! [places hand on his forehead] Oh, I need to sit down. No, Coconuts, you need to sit down!

Robotnik

I detest that Catty Carlyle! She's singing about Sonic! So I've invented this radio wave locator to find her and stop her! (Machine starts beeping) There! That's where the song is coming from!

Grounder

From this machine?

Robotnik

Nooo, imbecile! That flashing light shows where the song is being broadcast from! This is where the REBL radio station is!

Grounder

(reading the note Robotnik hands him) "Single 700-pound villain looking for suitable companion."

Robotnik

Whoops! Uh, wrong paper. Give me that!

Grounder

(whispering) We better apologize to Dr. Robotnik!

Scratch

No, let's just go to our rooms!

Robotnik

(grabs the two) Where do you dumb-bots think you're going?

Grounder

(whispering) Ah, busted!

Scratch

We thought you were sleeping, oh gluteus maximus!

Robotnik

How could I sleep when everyone on Mobius is singing that blasted "Sonic's Song"?! It must be stopped! I've got it, I'll put an end to all music on Mobius; no humming, no singing, and no radio. (A bird lands on the tree nearby and starts whistling Sonic's Song, while Robotnik loses his temper) Argh, and no whistling! You blasted... (Bird lays an egg which hits Robotnik in the face)

It's great to be back palsy, but you didn't have to arrange an escort. A simple message to my fax machine would have worked fine.

Robotnik

And I'll deliver a simple message to your throat!

No need to be angry, I have decided to refund your money, you say the gravity stopper didn't work right?

Grounder

Oh no, it worked fine. It was the gravity-defying net that didn't work.

The net? Well, why didn't you say so? I don't cover the net, so, no refunding needed.

Robotnik

Cheater! Rapscalion! You've sold me countless traps, and none of them work!

Correction, Robotnik, it's your two stoogebots that don't work. My machines have worked as they are supposed to.

Robotnik

You have a point, Weasley.

Robotnik

If you bring Lucas and Sonic back to me, you can name your prize - anything!

Scratch

Your Egg-o-matic hovercraft?

Robotnik

Yes!

Scratch

This fortress?

Robotnik

Yes! I said ANYTHING!

Grounder

You mean, like, like that wrench set over there?

Robotnik

(groans) Even the wrench set!

Grounder

See ya! (Gets a wrench thrown on his caterpillar track and falls face forward on the floor) I can't move!

Scratch

What are you griping about? You wanted the wrench set, didn't you? [Runs away]

Grounder

(whispering to Scratch) Psst, Scratch! It's the Robotnik Hotline.

What'd you say? ...Duuuhh, what was dat?

Grounder

My tummy rumbling?

That's da strangest tummy rumbling I ever hoid.

Scratch

Not really. It always sounds like that when Tails eats onion rings. (Grounder picks up the phone.)

Onion rings?! Dah, of course! How could I be so stupid?

Grounder

Oh, uhhh... beats me. (burps while still on the phone. Robotnik hears this at his Emporium)

Robotnik

For Grounder's sake, that better have been a wrong number!