A character in Absolutely Fabulous
Played by Joanna Lumley
Absolutely Fabulous · 92 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Absolutely Fabulous: in 38 of its 92 quotes
Most scenes with: Edina (23), Saffy (13), Jackie (2)
PatsyEy, Eddy, Eddy, remember that weekend with Mick and the boys? Laughs Fantastic!
Fabulous days, darling. [To Saffy] Patsy used to go out with Keith Moon, sweetie.
PatsyYeah, sort of. I mean, I woke up underneath him in a hotel bedroom once.
Yeah, still, that was going steady for the 60s, believe me.
She told me you had a tattoo on your unspeakables!
I didn't!
PatsyEddy?
I didn't. Unmentionables, I said.
That could be anywhere on her!
My New Year's resolution, sweetie… to have more fun! What's yours, Pats?
PatsyOhh, well, I think I'll just try to be more relaxed.
You? More relaxed? What is that, dead? Well, that cancels out my resolution.
Did you have the same father?
No one knows. Mother was such a slut.
PatsyIt could have been any of the men in any of the bars in France. Y'know, she was always the entertainment.
Before slot machines?
She was the slot machine!
[Edina and Patsy are looking at the pornographic magazine 'Razzle,' that Saffy found in her brother's room]
It's disgusting! That is so degrading to women!
PatsyWhat do you mean? She's got the whip!
PatsyAnyway, I just have to tell these tragic, little wannabes, do you know what I tell them? I say, darling, "just stick your fingers down your throat, hack off your tits, keep taking the tablets and don't come back until you're looking like something!" Y'know?
Yeah, I remember you.
[Edina and Patsy have just returned from a Marilyn Manson gig]
PatsyShe tried to crowd surf and the tide went out!
The sea just parted, darling. I don't know how it happened
They've probably never seen anything that old flying at them before
Right, time for another little drinky before we go.
Where are you going?
New York.
I didn't think they let people with drug convictions in.
Darling, it's not a conviction.
PatsyJust a firm belief!
PatsyIt's a good photo, isn't it? I think the photographer really caught something
Syphilis. [Patsy kicks Saffy in the shin]
PatsyPut that book down, you're not showing me up.
[To Edina] You see everything but yourself! You always have the best view in the room because you're not looking at you!
You burnt and scarred my best friend!
PatsyWho??
Titicaca.
PatsyOh. [nods]
Her name is Sarah!
Darling, she was standing with her little pigtails too close to a candle!
PatsyAct of God.
You were holding the candle!
My life is like a constant winter.
Yeah, well she never thawed, did she?
PatsyRigor mortis set into her in puberty
She's so cold, I bet she has her period in cubes
Oh, tell her about your chocolate idea!
Oh, right! Well, just near where we sell the sunglasses--
PatsyNo. One whiff of a cocoa bean and our customers would fly like vampires before garlic! Jeremy's must remain a sterile oasis free from street eaters and coffee carriers. Aseptic! And razor sharp as our customers' hip bones! These women shop for lunch! Labels are their only sustenance! Their skeleton legs and their Manolo Blahniks have worn trenches down the pavements of Sloane Street!
I understand.
PatsyTheir arm sinews with just enough muscle left in their arms to lift up a credit card! Be clean! No chocolate!
[Fleur gently claps]
Genius.
PatsyHave I made myself perfectly clear?
As ice.
Transparent.
PatsyAnd if you ever try anything like this again ... I WILL KILL YOU!
[Patsy blows her cigarette smoke in Saffy's direction]
[Cough] Mum!
Oh, don't be so stupid, smoke can't get in there, darling. Smoke can't touch the baby. If it could you'd have come out looking like prosciutto, believe me.
PatsyOr Donatella, liver sausage in a wig
PatsyI was at work today...
Now we're all in shock!
PatsyThe girls were off, so I was on the floor...
Nothing new for you!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Absolutely Fabulous pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
