Edina quotes from Absolutely Fabulous

Edina

..And if you're a bloody psychic psychologist how come I'm always having to phone you?

Edina

Couple of weeks and I'll be bending like Madonna, won't I darling? I'll be able to kiss my own arse from both directions!

Edina

[To Saffy] Why does everything you wear look like it's bearing a grudge, darling?

Edina

I'm a fat person, that's the end of it! Me! The woman who got stuck on an eating loop in Yo! Sushi! I mean, honestly, sweetheart! If they keep it coming round of course I'm gonna eat it, aren't I!?

Edina

I don't want a great, big fat bum like J'Lo, do I, darling? Laughs I mean, how high have that woman's heels got to keep that nancy off the pavement now?

Edina

[to Emma Bunton] Well, darling, the trouble with you is you're not ... you're not kinda giving me anything! You know, if you want something from the tabs, you gotta give them something back! You're just kinda flatlining it, nice and sweet, are you? And they want a little bit of a heartbeat. They don't want to know your mum's your best friend, do they? They want you to be some one-armed lesbian asylum seeker! They want the full cellulite shots! They want a 40-in-the-bed perv orgy with your Spice mates! They want you mainlining, arm jacking, smack crack nightmare, darling! They want you-They want you filleted and splayed on the butcher's block so they can photograph all your organs for Heat magazine! I mean frankly, for once, I would like to see you foaming at the mouth, stinking of piss in the gutter with this little thumb stuck up Justin Timberlake's arse and you wearing nothing but a Gucci belt!

Edina

[On the phone to Saffy] Yeah, all right, darling... Well listen to me, we're coming home now... Didn't you get my note?.. Well all right, that's fine, we'll come home now, darling... Yeah, let's forget about education, shall we sweetheart? D-Dio..bio..versity.. and everything like that, sweetheart... We'll just come home now and live in the domain of ignorance, shall we, and watch Teletubbly videos if that's what you want!.. Yeah, all right, we'll see you in a minute... No, I am not drunk! How could I be drunk? I'm at the bloody zoo!

Edina

Darling, being gay is the best excuse you'll ever have not to be boring!

Edina

(while Patsy chokes on the turkey) Oh, I knew this would happen!

Patsy

What will you drink if you stop drinking?

Edina

I shall drink water.

Patsy

[Blank look]

Edina

It's a mixer, Patsy, we have it with whisky.

Edina

You are what you eat, remember?

Which makes you a very large vegetarian tart.

Edina

I mean what you two don't seem to realise is that inside of me, inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out.

Just the one, dear?

Edina

[to Bubble] You, remember, cancel my aromatherapy, my psychotherapy, my reflexology, my osteopath, my homeopath, my naturopath, my crystal reading, my shiatsu, my organic hairdresser. And see if I can be re-birthed next Thursday afternoon.

Bubble

[Crossing her fingers] Consider it done!

Edina

I wonder how you do go about it.

I should imagine you would have to go to Romania.

Edina

Oh don't be stupid, darling. I'm sure they could send over a selection and I could pick one.

Edina

I'll just be able to send them back, won't I sweetie? Hmm?

Patsy

Sell 'em on. Mark 'em up, sell 'em on!