Simon quotes from 7th Heaven

Simon

What are we gonna do about this?

Lucy

We're gonna let Mary handle it. It's her problem, not ours.

Ruthie

Please don't let them put Mary in jail again.

Simon

You say to let Mary handle it, but she's not. We're the ones getting the calls, and sooner or later Mom and Dad are gonna find out. And deadbeat or not, she's still our sister.

Lucy

Simon, your friend called me a name and slapped me on the butt in the record store.

Simon

What, you mean Norton? No way, he was just kidding around. Believe me, he couldn't have been serious.

Lucy

Simon, he slapped me!

Simon

He didn't hurt you, did he?

Lucy

Yes, he hurt me! He humiliated me, and that hurt... a lot!

Simon

Well, what do you want me to do about it?

Lucy

I want you to understand that I am not a punching bag. I am not a trash can that guys can throw their filthy thoughts or words into. I'm a person, Simon. I'm your sister. Do something.

Simon

You are going to go to my house and apologize to my mother and my sister for what you did, but not before you apologize to Heather. That's my brother's friend. She's deaf, man! How could you?

I didn't know she was deaf! Lighten up!

Simon

You knew she was a person, didn't you?

Annie

I wonder who Robbie could be going out with.

Ruthie

Whoever it is, it's not Mary.

Eric

But this is a good thing, right?

Simon

I think it was a good thing until we started liking him, now I'm not so sure.

Lucy

So what are we going to do?

Eric

There's nothing I think we can do.

Annie

There's plenty we can do. We're Camdens.

Eric

Is this your wallet?

Simon

Yeah it's my wallet.

Eric

And just where did you get a condom?

Simon

I rather not say.

Robbie

Me. I gave it to him.

Eric

Simon, haven't we always talked about sex?

Simon

In the abstract.

Eric

Well that's why we talk about it in the abstract so that one day where it becomes personal, you'll feel free talking about it.

Simon

I know what you'd say. I knew you say I was too young.

Eric

Well, you are too young.

Simon

But Dad, being too young has nothing to do with this?

Eric

How's that?

Simon

The opportunity was there. Too young or not, it made me feel like a man just to have the opportunity. That's what men do. They have sex.

Eric

Well men say no to sex when they have the opportunity, but it's not the right thing to do.

Simon

Dad, I know. I said no.

Eric

Thank you for being responsible.

Eric

You know this isn't a conversation I want to have with my son who is six weeks away from getting his learner's permit.

Simon

Four weeks.

Eric

Six.

Simon

But you said four.

Eric

Now I say six.

Simon

But the law says I could have gotten it six months ago.

Eric

Yeah, but I'm the law here in this house, six weeks?

Simon

But the law is the law outside of this house, and that law, the law that every other teenager relies on as protection from overbearing parents says otherwise.

Eric

And yet it's going to be six weeks, and if your attitude doesn't change its going to be seven, eight or nine weeks depending on when you recognize that driving is a privilege.

Simon

Yes, driving is a privilege. It's a privilege that comes at 15 and is granted by the DMV.

Eric

Let me ask you something, Do you live at the DMV? Do you eat at the DMV? Did the DMV buy you those sneakers that are in your closet that you never wear? And one more thing, is the DMV buying you dinner?

Simon

Those guy are losers man, you know that.

Yeah, I know that. That's why I'm gonna blow 'em away.

Simon

I beg your pardon?

Hey, you said it yourself, right? I mean one day they're gonna push me too far and I'm gonna blow 'em away.

Simon

But you don't mean that?

Yeah...I do. I can't take it anymore.

Simon

I understand that, but...when you start talking about actually blowing people away...

We've moved 10 times, and every time it's the same, they're all the same. All of 'em.

Simon

Shooting people won't solve your problems.

Right, should I just let--uh, what's it called, their teasing. Yeah, I should let all their teasing roll off my back.

Simon

It's better than shooting people.

Not for me.

Simon

For everyone, come on. You know you don't want to hurt anyone.

You know...I do. The only way these guys are gonna shut up is if they can't talk anymore. But look, I just wanted to call to say thanks, and don't worry, you won't get hurt.

[to Simon] What's with you, Camden?

I don't care what's with him. Just don't embarrass us like that again.

Or we might shoot you.

Simon

[to teacher] Excuse me. You had to have just heard that. You did, didn't you? You heard the whole thing, and then you just, what, hid in your classroom?!

Students aren't the only targets, Simon.

Simon

Well, can't you at least talk to their parents?

I have. The parents are just like them.

Simon

So what are we gonna do about this!?

Robbie

You're not going out with a pregnant girl.

Simon

Why not?

Robbie

Why! Because you feel sorry for her. Dating is difficult enough without dating someone who's got a complicated life. And you're too young for those complications....way too young.

Annie

[to her kids] You know what's really unfair? What's really unfair is that your father and I have worked around the clock for 20 years to give our children a good home. To send our children to school. To buy them the clothes that they want to buy, and yet those children, the very same children that we sacrificed ourselves for over and over again think that they should decide who gets what and when they should get it.

Simon

No...

Annie

Don't speak. I will give your sister Mary anything I want to give her, anytime I want to give it to her, because I love her and I am happy that she is home. Mary needs us. She needs her father. She needs me. And she needs you. And I've got some news for all of you: we need her. We need to embrace each other and support each other because that's what families do. And until you're ready to do that, you know what? You can just live out here! (referring to the garage) You've got a change of clothes, one week's allowance and some school books. You're more or less on your own. Until you're allowed the privilege of telling me that just how much you regret you're total lack of respect for me and my decisions. And then at that time, if I like what you have to say, I just might let you back into the home that your father and I created. Until then, take care of the rebellious one known as Ruthie. You can come in and use the toilets, nothing else! Not the kitchen, not the laundry, not the shower, not the phone and not the TV. Enjoy.

Simon

I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here to survive. And once I do, unlike you and Mary, that's it for me. I'm never coming back.

Matt

Yeah, I remember 15. Let's go.

Eric

Did she tell you why she quit?

Simon

No. But it wouldn't be like me to ask my mom why she does anything. She's my mother, but she's your wife. Maybe you can ask her, or maybe not. I don't know how those things work.

Simon

How do you do that?

Uh, do what?

Simon

Be so popular. Everybody knows you. Everybody likes you. You hang out with the coolest kids in school. Face it, man, if this school had a king you'd be it.

Hey, people know you, too.

Simon

People know me as some school do-gooder. Saint Simon, son of a minister.

Maybe but that can be cool, too. I mean you're always doing the right thing, even if it doesn't make you the most popular guy. And doing what's right counts for something

Simon

Yeah, it counts for me having no fun this year. I'm sorry, I'm tired of doing the right thing. I want people to like me because I'm wild and crazy and fun. You know, not-not because I'm good I want to hang out with your friends. Your friends are the best.

You don't even know my friends

Simon

They're popular, and they have fun. What else do I need to know?

Ha-ha! You hear the news?

My parents took off for the weekend. Which means...party. Oh I already lined up the women, man. It's gonna be a blowout.

So, are you in?

Oh, I'm so in, I'm already there! Whoo!

Simon

Yeah, I'm in too!

Um, Tom, Mike, you know Simon.

Uh, Simon Camden. You're that minister's kid.

Simon

My dad's a minister, yeah.

I don't think you'd feel comfortable at my party. It's not gonna be a religious affair.

Simon

My dad's the minister, not me.

So, you want to come to my party, huh? Okay. Okay, fine. Come.

Simon

Great! I'll get the address from Morris. I'd better get going -- I don't wanna miss my bus. I can miss my bus.

We're out of here.

Yeah.

Simon

See you guys later!

I'll call you later.

Simon

Right. I'll see you tonight.

What are you doing?

He wants to come to the party, let him come.

Simon's not ready for one of your parties.

Mary

[to Simon] You don't get it. You just don't get it. And you want to know why I know you don't get it? Because for over a year I didn't get it.

Ruthie

[to Simon] You know, you've been throwing up most of the night, so we haven't had a chance to talk. What is wrong with you, huh?

Simon

I didn't know I was drinking alcohol.

Ruthie

Well, you should've figured it out. What kind of role model are you trying to be?

Simon

I'm not a role model.

Ruthie

Yes, you are. Sam and David and I look up to you. And with Matt leaving, and he is leaving, you're the resident big brother of the house. Robbie's here and that's great, but I depend on you and tonight you let me down. You let everyone down.

Simon

I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear?

Ruthie

No, I don't want to hear anything. What I want is for you to stop trying so hard to fit in with other people and start trying harder to fit in around here. I want you to sober up for good and start becoming a man, the kind of man I can look up to.

Simon

[when the phone rings] Hello?

Is Kevin there?

Simon

Maybe, whom should I say is calling?

Just tell him he has a phone call kid.

Simon

I don't think so.

Tell them it's Patty-Mary.

Simon

I need more information, Patty-Mary.