[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House]
I think that should give you some idea of how delicate the balance of power is in the middle east.
GBGeorge Bush
I see, General.
You didn't understand a word of that did you, Mr. President?
GBGeorge Bush
No I did not.
Okay, do you want me to get Professor Leibstrom to explain it?
GBGeorge Bush
I think that might help.
[the General goes underneath the table and, after a brief struggle, a sock puppet appears at the edge of Bush's desk]
(as Professor Leibstrom) Hello again, Mr. President. It's Me, Professoer Leibstrom.
GBGeorge Bush
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Professor Leibstrom! Ha Ha!
[camera pulls out to reveal the General, crouching under the desk while operating the sock puppet]
GBGeorge Bush
Quick General! You're missing the Professor!
[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is staring at a painting of himself]
GBGeorge Bush
General, this mirror isn't working.
No time to explain, Sir. I have an urgent call for you on the satellite video link. It's, uh... Saddam Hussein.
[TV drops down from roof. The screen shows Saddam Hussein in his office]
SHSaddam Hussein
Ah, Mr. Bush. So you want to bomb old Saddam, eh? Fair enough. But would you want to bomb... Tiddles?
[a kitten jumps onto Saddam's desk. Bush and the General gasp]
SHSaddam Hussein
Or Fluffy? or Tufty?! Yes, gentlemen, from now on myself and all military targets will be protected by a kitten shield. [stroaking kittens] Won't they? Yes they will! Yes they will! End Transmission.
GBGeorge Bush
Can I have one, General? I gotta have one of those cute furry things!
[General gives Bush a fake, Saddam-style mustache]
GBGeorge Bush
Yeah! [turns to painting] Awww, but I don't look no different.
[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is playing with army soldiers and tanks]
Good news, Sir. Iraq seems to be co-operating fully with UN inspectors. Looks like an all-out conflict can be avoided.
GBGeorge Bush
[having a tantrum] I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! All the other cool presidents have had wars!
[Starts throwing his toys at the General]
But Sir, you just had a war, and you didn't even finish that one!
GBGeorge Bush
Well I'm gonna hold my breath until you let me have another one.
[Bush holds his breath. His face starts turning blue]
Oh, now sir! Oh, I think I'd better fetch Professor Leibstrom.
[General goes underneath the table and brandishes the sock puppet]
(as Professor Leibstrom) Hello!
GBGeorge Bush
Ha Ha Ha Ha! Professor Leibstrom!
(as Professer Leibstrom) I know! Instead of having a war, why don't we have an ice cream?
GBGeorge Bush
Yeah, an ice cream! With Chocolate sauce!
(as Professor Leibstrom) Oh Yeah.
NO! (as Professor Leibstrom) Sir, nobody else wants a war... except perhaps Britain.
GBGeorge Bush
Let's have a war with Britain then!
[Bush and General are in the Oval Office in the White House]
Sir, I must protest in the strongest possible terms!
GBGeorge Bush
General, I'm the president of the United States of America. When I say jump, you jump.
[General starts to jump up and down]
Mr President, why the jimny do we have to have a bouncy Whitehouse?
GBGeorge Bush
Because all the terrorists bombs will just bounce right off of it.
(sarcastically) Oh, silly me!
GBGeorge Bush
Look at this! (Bush starts to jump up and down) I can do a star, Egypshine, Bruce Forsite!
GBGeorge Bush
Okay, I'm bored now. Let's play darts!
[a popping sound is heard and the bouncy Whitehouse starts to deflate. Bush starts to cry]
Well, it's your own fault.
{The camera fades and the viewer rejoins after the bouncy Whitehouse has been fully deflated]
GBGeorge Bush
General, I never thought I'd say this... blow up the Whitehouse! (sobs)
Ugh! (starts to inflate the Whitehouse using his breath)
[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House, where Christmas decorations have been put out. Bush is holding a present wrapped in wrapping paper; the present is in the shape of a puppy]
GBGeorge Bush
Oh, come on General! What is it?
[dog in wrapping paper barks]
GBGeorge Bush
It's a book, ain't it?
Now no opening util tomorrow, sir.
[the General walks off screen]
GBGeorge Bush
I love Christmas!
[alarms go off]
GBGeorge Bush
General! The flashing warning thing's gone off! General? General?!
CComputer
WARNING: potential hostile inbound. Request action.
GBGeorge Bush
Okay George, don't panic. Now what is it dad used to say?
[George Bush Senior appears in a thought bubble]
GBGeorge Bush Senior
Son, don't ever, ever, EVER... press the red button.
GBGeorge Bush
Something about pressing the red button.
[Bush presses the red button and the camera cuts to a shot of the moon, where a sleigh passes infront of it. The sleigh is shot down by defences. the General appears]
Sir, what in god's name is... can you smell roast venison?
[The sleigh crashes into the room. Bush inspects the wreckage and puts on some disembodied antlers]
GBGeorge Bush
Look General, I'm a lion! Moo, moo!