[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House]
GGeneral
I think that should give you some idea of how delicate the balance of power is in the middle east.
GGeneral
You didn't understand a word of that did you, Mr. President?
GGeneral
Okay, do you want me to get Professor Leibstrom to explain it?
[the General goes underneath the table and, after a brief struggle, a sock puppet appears at the edge of Bush's desk]
GGeneral
(as Professor Leibstrom) Hello again, Mr. President. It's Me, Professoer Leibstrom.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Professor Leibstrom! Ha Ha!
[camera pulls out to reveal the General, crouching under the desk while operating the sock puppet]
Quick General! You're missing the Professor!
GGeneral
I think Professor Leibstrom had better explain this. (as Professor Leibstrom) Hello!
BBush
Oh, I get it. The General leaves and then you come in. Don't think I know what's going on, because I do!
GGeneral
(as Professor Leibstrom) You do?
BBush
You two had a fight!
GGeneral
(as Professor Leibstrom) Uh... yeah, that's right.
BBush
Oh, Professor Leibstrom, you shouldn't fight with the General. Fighting never solves anything!
[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is staring at a painting of himself]
General, this mirror isn't working.
GGeneral
Sir, that's a painting.
GGeneral
No time to explain, Sir. I have an urgent call for you on the satellite video link. It's, uh... Saddam Hussein.
[TV drops down from roof. The screen shows Saddam Hussein in his office]
SHSaddam Hussein
Ah, Mr. Bush. So you want to bomb old Saddam, eh? Fair enough. But would you want to bomb... Tiddles?
[a kitten jumps onto Saddam's desk. Bush and the General gasp]
SHSaddam Hussein
Or Fluffy? or Tufty?! Yes, gentlemen, from now on myself and all military targets will be protected by a kitten shield. [stroaking kittens] Won't they? Yes they will! Yes they will! End Transmission.
Can I have one, General? I gotta have one of those cute furry things!
GGeneral
If you insist, sir.
[General gives Bush a fake, Saddam-style mustache]
Yeah! [turns to painting] Awww, but I don't look no different.
GGeneral
Oh, Hairy Moses!
[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House. Bush is playing with army soldiers and tanks]
GGeneral
Good news, Sir. Iraq seems to be co-operating fully with UN inspectors. Looks like an all-out conflict can be avoided.
[having a tantrum] I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! I WANNA WAR! All the other cool presidents have had wars!
[Starts throwing his toys at the General]
GGeneral
But Sir, you just had a war, and you didn't even finish that one!
Well I'm gonna hold my breath until you let me have another one.
[Bush holds his breath. His face starts turning blue]
GGeneral
Oh, now sir! Oh, I think I'd better fetch Professor Leibstrom.
[General goes underneath the table and brandishes the sock puppet]
GGeneral
(as Professor Leibstrom) Hello!
Ha Ha Ha Ha! Professor Leibstrom!
GGeneral
(as Professer Leibstrom) I know! Instead of having a war, why don't we have an ice cream?
Yeah, an ice cream! With Chocolate sauce!
GGeneral
(as Professor Leibstrom) Oh Yeah.
GGeneral
NO! (as Professor Leibstrom) Sir, nobody else wants a war... except perhaps Britain.
Let's have a war with Britain then!
GGeneral
Oh, Hairy Moses!
[Bush and General are in the Oval Office in the White House]
GGeneral
Sir, I must protest in the strongest possible terms!
General, I'm the president of the United States of America. When I say jump, you jump.
[General starts to jump up and down]
GGeneral
Mr President, why the jimny do we have to have a bouncy Whitehouse?
Because all the terrorists bombs will just bounce right off of it.
GGeneral
(sarcastically) Oh, silly me!
Look at this! (Bush starts to jump up and down) I can do a star, Egypshine, Bruce Forsite!
Okay, I'm bored now. Let's play darts!
GGeneral
NO MISTER PRESIDENT!!!!
[a popping sound is heard and the bouncy Whitehouse starts to deflate. Bush starts to cry]
GGeneral
Well, it's your own fault.
{The camera fades and the viewer rejoins after the bouncy Whitehouse has been fully deflated]
General, I never thought I'd say this... blow up the Whitehouse! (sobs)
GGeneral
Ugh! (starts to inflate the Whitehouse using his breath)
[Bush and the General are in the Oval Office in the White House, where Christmas decorations have been put out. Bush is holding a present wrapped in wrapping paper; the present is in the shape of a puppy]
Oh, come on General! What is it?
[dog in wrapping paper barks]
GGeneral
Now no opening util tomorrow, sir.
GGeneral
[the General walks off screen]
[alarms go off]
General! The flashing warning thing's gone off! General? General?!
CComputer
WARNING: potential hostile inbound. Request action.
Okay George, don't panic. Now what is it dad used to say?
[George Bush Senior appears in a thought bubble]
GBGeorge Bush Senior
Son, don't ever, ever, EVER... press the red button.
Something about pressing the red button.
[Bush presses the red button and the camera cuts to a shot of the moon, where a sleigh passes infront of it. The sleigh is shot down by defences. the General appears]
GGeneral
Sir, what in god's name is... can you smell roast venison?
[The sleigh crashes into the room. Bush inspects the wreckage and puts on some disembodied antlers]
Look General, I'm a lion! Moo, moo!
GGeneral
That's uncanny, sir.