Caroline Channing quotes from 2 Broke Girls

Han

According to Netflix, last night I watched half the Takens and all the Insidiouses-es. All of them!

Max

Relax. You probably just sleep-watched them. And you probably also sleep-ordered 28 boxes of tampons on Amazon.

Han

Max, you hacked into my accounts? That's illegal! And beyond what I thought you were intellectually capable of!

Caroline

Not much of a hack when the password is "Hanstoppable."

Earl

That's a breach of trust, girls. Did you order me those shoes?

Han

Dammit! I should have gone with "Han Golden Pond."

And is this your same-sex partner?

Max

I will be if that gets me in the will.

Caroline

Bernard, this is Max. She's my roommate.

Yes, that's what we called them back in the day.

Caroline

I'm Periscoping.

Max

Isn't periscoping when you do mouth stuff on a guy while he keeps a lookout for the cops?

Caroline

Not all sex has to involve the threat of an arrest, Max. Periscope is a social media app that streams live videos to your followers. Tell everyone in Brooklyn who loves food festivals that we'll be at the Taste of Bushwick tomorrow.

Max

Or you can follow me into the bathroom while I change, and they can see some bushwick right now.

Caroline

Where are the fliers? I bet we could get a lot of business there.

Max

No! We are not doing business! Tonight is supposed to be fun.

Caroline

Well, I find business fun, but okay. One day, you will appreciate my ambition.

Max

And one day, I will try lettuce, but not tonight. No fliers.

Caroline

No fliers.

Max

No fliers.

Caroline

I just think this is a missed opportunity.

Max

"Missed Opportunity" was my stripper name at the Salty Dog. Look, I don't wanna work tonight. Which also happened to be my catchphrase.