Joey Wheeler quotes from Yu-Gi-Oh!

Joey Wheeler

Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. [flashback to Yami Yugi, Seto Kaiba and Dartz's duel] I remember being trapped in a duel, [flashback ends] but... how did I end up floating around in here?

[offscreen] Joey? Is that you?

Joey

Yugi! Long time no see!

I'm glad you're all right!

Maximillion Pegasus

Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"?

Pegasus!

Pegasus

If we don't escape soon, we never will!

Joey

Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? [spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael, Seto Kaiba and all many people had soul captured inside the bubbles] Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh...

It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse!

Joey

What's that!?

Pegasus

Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power.

Joey

It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food!

We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz!

Joey

Huh? But how see gonna do that? [looks at Seto Kaiba] Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there!

Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey.

Joey

I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge.

He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before.

Joey

Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card.

Pegasus

There is one thing that can help.

Joey

Huh?

Pegasus

It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other.

Joey

In this card can beat Dartz?

Pegasus

Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right?

Joey

Right.

Pegasus

What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery.

I don't get it. What's the secret?

Pegasus

I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans!

Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh?

Pegasus

During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever!

[Sees Yugi standing with his back to them] Is that Yugi?

Tristan

Nah, it's the Pharaoh.

No, Tristan, I think Yugi's back!

Mokuba

He does kinda look shorter.

[in tears] It is you, Yugi!

Téa?

I thought we'd never see you again!

It's good to see you, too.

Joey

All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head.

Hey, Joey!

The gang is back!

Tristan

Don't forget about me!

Yugi, the Legendary Knights have set you free.

Does that mean you beat Dartz?

Yes, Yugi. But as soon as our duel ended, he disappeared into some vortex, and I have a bad feeling the worst is yet to come, but at least we'll face it together.

Joey Wheeler

[to Dartz] That does it! Bring it on, you mutant!

Not the best time to be insulting him, Joey.

Joey

That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there!

I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything!

You can do this, Pharaoh!

My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners!

Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts!

NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?!

Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through!

Joey

Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free!

Look! It’s the portal that led us here!

Joey

Alright! Home sweet home here we come!

[offers Mokuba to give him the microphone; speaks to the crowd] All right… I'm gonna make this brief. This is not a show. It's the ultimate test of survival, and it will push everyone involved to their limits. If you came for a friendly game, then I'd suggest you go home. This is a ruthless battle! And in the end, only one duelist will remain standing! Now, if everyone's clear, let's move on! From this moment forward, Kaibaland is a battlefield! So trust no one, and may the best duelist win!

[chanting] Kaiba! Kaiba! Kaiba! Kaiba! Kaiba! Kaiba!

Joey

That show-off! He's just lucky he's not dueling!

[thinking] I know one of these punks is trying to ruin me! And before this tournament's over, I'm gonna find out who!

Duke

Hey, where is Joey?

[shocked] Joey! What are you doing here?!

Joey

Hey! There's a two-for-one sale on wienies!

Tristan

Joey!

Mokuba

You should on the Amazon Adventure trail!

Joey

Guess again, pal! Joey doesn't duel on an empty stomach! I gotta bulk up for my first match.

Mokuba

Wake up! Your first match has already started!

Joey

Huh?!

Mokuba

And if you don't get your butt over to that dueling site in the next 10 minutes, THEN YOU'LL BE DISQUALIFIED!

[as Joey activates his Graceful Dice magic card] Ah-ha! I had a hunch you might try that! And that's why I played this… Legendary Gambler!

Joey

No! What was that?!

This trap card automatically activates whenever my opponent rolls a die. So if I roll a higher number than you, your card is cancelled out!

Joey

WHAT?! [rolls a 4] Four!

[rolls a 5] Too bad!

Joey

So what?! Joey always has a backup plan! [activates his Skull Dice trap] Now, Skull Dice will lower your monster's strength depending on what number I roll!

The Legendary Gambler is a continuous trap card which means I also roll again!

Joey

[rolls a 5] Five!

[rolls a 6] Oh, well! Read it and weep!

Joey

No!

Looks like we're back where we started! So, Wandering Mummy, attack his Swordsman! I know you, Joey. Better than you know yourself.

Now I play… a magic card known as Ancient City!

Joey

What is that thing?

Well, as the card's name suggests, it's an ancient city, but that's just the beginning of my archeological assault! Next, I sacrifice Wandering Mummy… in order to summon my Ancient Giant! Of course, it comes with a slight catch. As long as it remains face up on the field, I have no choice but to attack you with it. And if I don't attack, then I lose 300 of my Life Points.

Tristan

Joey doesn't stand a chance against that thing!

I'd suggest summoning a monster if you'd like to stay in the game, Joseph.

Joey

I can arrange that. In fact, I'll play five for the price of one! Go, Goblin Attack Force! Now, knock his Ancient Giant right out of the ballpark, boys!

Not so fast, slugger! Activate Ordeal of a Traveler! This card is about to make the game more interesting. I choose a random card from my hand, and you have to guess whether it's a magic, trap, or monster card. If you guess incorrectly, your monster is returned to your hand. Guess correctly, and you can attack. So what type of card do I have in my hand? Let's go. You've got a 1-in-3 chance.

Yugi's grandpa is beating Joey at his own game!

Tristan

'Cause he knows Joey's strategy. He did teach him how to duel, after all.

Joey

Well, here goes. It's a trap card-- or a magic card. It's a monster! [having trouble guessing] I NEED MORE TIME!

I'm not getting any younger.

Joey

All right, my answer is… you're holding a trap card!

[imitates buzzer] Survey says, "monster card!"

Joey

That was my next guess.

I'm afraid your goblins will have to wait. Now, my eyesight's not what it used to be, but it looks to me like you're defenseless!

Joey

[setting a card facedown] I end my turn.

Sounds good to me.

Joey

All right, you wanna see some mad skills?!

Bring it on, kid!

Joey

Here goes! Look out! Time to give my luck one more shot with a magic card called Roll of Fate! This card allows me to draw up to six new cards depending on what number I roll, just as long as I remove the same number of cards from the game.

Now, Legendary Gambler, cancel out his roll!

Joey

Wheeler gets a four, and the freak in the mask gets… a three! He shoots, he scores, he draw four cards! That's what I call a hand!

Please tell me you're bluffing.

Joey

You're about to find out, pal.

Joey

The only thing I'm scared of is that hairdo. [turns to Zigfried] Hey, buddy! Pinky the Clown called! He wants his ring back!

Oh, like you're in any position to be making fun of anyone's hairdo.

Joey

I heard that!

Duke

Take it down a notch, will you? You're too high-strung to duel.

Joey

Who you callin' high-strung?! I'm cool as a cucumber!

Tristan

Oh, yeah. Real cool.

Joey

I'm not in a mood!

Tristan

You want a piece of me? [he and Joey scuffle]

[attempts to break up the scuffling duo] Can you two grow up for five minutes? [she gets pinned against the wall] I need some female friends!

[in unison] He started it!

All right, herr Joseph, since you're clearly at a disadvantage in so many ways, why don't you make the first move?

Tristan

[calling out] He's just messing with your head, man!

Duke

Yeah, don't freak out. Remember, stay focused.

Joey

Try to keep up! All right, let's see here. [becomes shocked when he has four spell cards and two high level monsters in his hand]

Tristan

Gee, I wonder if he's got a bad hand.

I'm gonna say "yes."

Joey

[thinking] I can't play a single monster!

You're beginning to sweat. Is the molten lava getting to you or is it something else?

I'm in shock.

Joey

And why's that?

[chuckles] Beating you is more fun than I thought.

Joey

Just go.

Fine. I'll begin by activating this magic card… Nibelung's Treasure! This affords me the ability to extract another magic card from my deck and place it on your side of the field. So I present… Nibelung's Ring! And I also draw five cards.

Joey

[as the ring is equipped to his monster] So what's the deal with the ring?

There's no need to thank me, just consider it a gift. But we'll talk more about my generosity a bit later. Now, I must call upon the three divine sisters! The Goddess Urd, the Goddess Verdande, and the Goddess Skuld! Now it's one underdog against three divas.

Joey

You mean four divas.

Now, let the fun begin with the Goddess Skuld! Activate your Scepter of Revelation, and foresee the future! Each turn from now on, I'm able to see the top three cards in your deck, and rearrange them any which way I please.

Joey

Huh? That's not fair!

Tristan

Joey's future isn't looking too bright, guys.

Interesting cards. Let's start by placing the middle one on the top. Then the first card, and then the third.

Joey

Huh? I don't see what that's gonna do, but it's your call.

You'll understand once I call upon Goddess Verdande! Her Scepter of Guidance gives me the opportunity to guess what type of card rests on top of your deck. If I happen to guess correctly, then you're forced to play that card facedown on the field!

Joey

No way!

Now I will go out on a limb here and say...your top card's a monster!

Joey

Since you're the one that put it there, I'm not too impressed.

Well, either way, you have to summon it facedown, so let's have it.

Joey

Whatever.

Finally, I call upon Goddess Urd! Each turn, she gives me the opportunity to guess the identity of one of your facedown cards! If I'm right, it's removed from play.

Joey

Say what?!

Let me take a wild guess. It's Panther Warrior. Looks like I'm right! Awww, parting is such sweet sorrow, isn't it? [chuckles]

First he took out Jinzo, and now it's Panther Warrior?

But those are Joey's best monsters!

Tristan

Not anymore.

I think I've done enough damage. So go. And if you could, step it up a bit. I'm getting bored.

Joey

It's official. He is the most annoying opponent I've ever faced.