(To Malik) There you go, Green Tree Frog tea.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(When the Count tells everyone he wants them to move to Australia.)
Australia?! Are you insane?
Either that or he's an idiot. Or both.
What have you got that Ingrid wants?
What're you talking about?
It's just I've never seen her be so nice to anyone... ever.
You seem to know a lot about me, Mr...
Roquelaire. As VHC's security chief it's my job to know. Like I know that your sister has been listening in to our conversation for the last five minutes.
[He opens the door and Ingrid is there.]
Not listening in actually, I... just didn't want to leave Vlad alone with a stranger.
I laugh in the face of pointy wood.
We're going to destroy the High Council, kill the other vampire clans, divide their territories between us...
... and rule the world, I suppose. Yes, yes, how very original. Yawn, yawn, yawn.
(When Ramanga returns.)
He seems... urgh... madder than I remember him.
Dabbling in necromancy can do that.
(Tapping his fangs) Titanium gold. Designer!
Vulgar and fake. They suit you perfectly.
Yes.
(When Talitha is trying to encourage Vlad to reconnect to his vampire powers.)
Make a fireball.
Make a fireball... okay... I think I've got it...
[He thrusts his hand out, but only a small spark appears.]
Pathetic.
I guess we're back to rubbing two sticks together.
(After Malik's been dusted by Ramanga)
Dust to dust. (Disposes of Malik's ashes in the fireplace) Fool.
I think Malik getting dusted hit her hard.
Ingrid, with feelings? More chance of Renfield winning Miss Transylvania.
(When Renfield is once again trying to persuade the Count to turn him into a vampire.)
But I so want to be a vampire, Master. And with all this bother going on, if you were to bite me now I might be able to help, and you were gonna bite me in thirteen leap years time anyway.
(Laughs) Oh, Renfield, Renfield! Is there no limit to the depths of your stupidity? A leap year is made up of four normal years. So thirteen leap years is actually forty! No... sixty! No, that's not right either.
Fifty-two, idiot.
Fifty-two years away and by then, you'll be far too frail and dribbly to bother with.
(Sadly) I see. Fooled again.
Well, it's not really that difficult.
(Vlad is trying to appease Renfield after Ingrid has given him a whole bottle of Backbone potion.)
Come on, Renfield. You're part of the family.
(Ingrid gives him a look)
...Sort of.
When's my birthday, then?
(Long pause as Vlad, the Count and Ingrid exchange blank looks.)
And I bet you can't remember my first name either.
(Hastily) Keith!... Nigel?
Susan.
Susan!
It's Percival. Per-ci-val. Oh, you're all gonna pay for that!
(When Renfield has shut down the defences around Garside and needs a code to reinstall it.)
Very well. Do that computery thing and... and I'll bite you, you snivelling slug!
Oh, no. You're not tricking me again. Bite me first, then I'll give you the code. Two minutes.
You doubt my word?
Course I do. Coz you're a big fat liar! Two! Minutes!
Fat?! I'm the same size now as I was back in 1680!
I've created the world's worst vampire.
Well, maybe you could give me a few tips.
Yes, yes. Get used to being hungry.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Young Dracula pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.