You Can't Do That on Television · Season 1, Episode 1
Listen Kevin, you're not getting me to wear a skirt on TV! No way! I won't do it!
Oh? Why, are you afraid that somebody's gonna mistake you for a girl?
Yeah. I mean... [pauses] You little rat!! [chases Kevin off the link set angrily]
How do you spell "totally ignorant"?
F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L S-C-H-O-L-A-R-S-H-I-P.
Today our hidden camera is... drum roll please... [drum roll sound effects from Kevin Somers] the snow sculptures at Dow's Lake. So get down there and see yourself on TV. Don't leave everything to us! I mean, it's not really fair! Here we are slaving away all day and not a word of thanks from you, and you sit out there and enjoy yourselves! Well, just let me tell ya, I'm not taking this anymore! I'm going home to Mother! [starts to walk away, but the sound of a spring malfunctioning is heard and Christine freezes in place. Ross comes on to investigate]
Uh-oh, uh-oh, looks like the sponge sprocket's gone. I'll have to take this to the workshop, I guess. [picks up the frozen Christine and carries her off set] I told 'em they should've hired Lindsay Wagner!
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