Xena: Warrior Princess quotes

353 total quotes

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Joxer: Here's the grub for the spud.
Xena: What's this?
Joxer: You asked for baby food.
Xena: Babyback ribs are not baby food, Joxer.

Joxer: I can't have you dying again and not have you know.
Gabrielle: Know what?
Joxer: Oh brother, I had this all worked out in my head and now...
Gabrielle: Joxer, will you hurry? Please.
Joxer: I love you. I'm in love with you.

Joxer: Why is everybody telling me to think? I think, I just don't show it.

Message from Lao Ma: The hawk and the dove must be made one with the wisdom.

Solan: Hades told me that in the Elysian Fields, you don't even know that you're dead. You just live the same day over and over, thinking your family's going to be home any minute, but they never come. The next morning, it just starts all over again.
Xena: That's so you don't miss the people you left behind.
Solan: If not missing you means not seeing you, I'd rather stay here. At least this way, I'd still get to be with you.

Xena: Am I getting to old for this?
(Talking about fighting as four soldiers rush her)
Xena: Nah. (Smiles)

Xena: I am pregnant, not brain damaged.

Xena: It's easy to preach peace when you live in heaven. Where is come from you gotta fight for what you believe in. Why don't you come along. It's not everyday that you get to witness the twilight of the gods. It should be a good show.

Xena: It's impossible, i cannot be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack,you'd know that getting pregnant requires certain physical requirements that I haven't have for a long time... I'm talking a very long time. no one, zilch, zippo, I'm a love-free zone, therefore it is utterly impossible that I be UP-THE-DUFF! So what's you're diagnosis now?
Physician: Mood swings! (Xena lets him go and he falls over)
Xena: I thought so!

Xena: Joxer, never pie a pregnant woman!

Xena: The only reason why people like Eli exist is because people like us defend them when they won't defend themselves.
Gabrielle: (Angrily) So Ares is right? The whole future is shaped by warriors? (Walks away)

Xena: We're going to be together now, Eve. You and me and your brother, forever and ever ... you hear that Solan? Forever.

Xena: You guys cut it pretty fine with that attack.
Gabrielle: Huh.
Xena: Nearly ran out of foreplay...just about had to go through with it.
Gabrielle: Xena, when someone invents an accurate time-keeping device, then I can synchronize the plan better.