Sami Zayn, who I say is doing his best Greg Hirsch impersonation, if you watch Succession.
I do, indeed. I'd say he's more like Tom, if you ask me. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't trust either of them.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This past week, we lost two beloved members of our WWE family: Hall of Famer Terry Funk, and the one and only Bray Wyatt. Tonight on Friday Night SmackDown, we will honor their legacy and celebrate their lives. The lives of two incredible men who have touched all of us with their passion, their creativity, and their spirit. Please join us for a moment of silence in our traditional ten bell salute.
[On the final show before Crown Jewel, Solo Sikoa calls out John Cena]
John Cena. I'm pissed off I gotta wait till tomorrow to fight you... but I got orders from the Tribal Chief. And those orders was to give you this microphone so you can say goodbye to them [points to the WWE Universe] while you still can. Because come tomorrow, [extends his thumb] you won't be able to. [holds out the microphone to Cena, who slowly takes it]
[raspy voice, not impressed] That's it? Do you realize who you're in the ring with? We've been waiting for you talk for over a year, and that's all you bring to the table? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, man, I can do this with half a voice, and it's only gonna take 90 seconds to cook ya. I'm gonna say goodbye. I'm gonna say goodbye, but I'm not gonna say goodbye to them. I'm gonna say goodbye for them. We all know the only reason you got a job here is because of your cousin. And we all see you, homie, walkin' around, thinking you're some big, badass enforcer, when you're nothing but a bargain, basement Taz ripoff! So do me a solid, Solo. Tape your thumb up extra tight, 'cause the only place it's gettin' stuck tomorrow is straight up your ass! [looks at his wrist] Yeah, that's about 90 seconds. [drops the mic and leaves, leaving Solo stunned with anger]
[During the 8-women Holiday Havoc match]
I'll let you in on a little holiday mythology, KP: every time a table breaks, an angel gets its wings. I didn't just make that up, either.
KPKevin Patrick
[as Bianca Belair slams a gift box onto Iyo Sky's head] What's in this present?
Nothing. Ask Justin Timberlake.
[as Michin hits a senton bomb on Iyo Sky] Senton through the table!
Hallelujah! Holy crap! Where's the Tylenol?
[Nick Aldis tries to talk to Paul Heyman as The Bloodline ruin the Triple-Threat match between AJ Styles, Randy Orton, and LA Knight]
Oh and one more thing...
Don't touch me!! [walks off]
[slows him down] Hey hey, when he's done celebrating [refers to Roman Reigns lording over Orton], tell him congratulations.
Now why?
'Cause he just earned himself a Fatal Four-Way match with all three of these guys at the Royal Rumble. [smiles, taps Paul on the arm and walks off, leaving Heyman visibly shocked]
[CM Punk addresses the Bloodline, but remembers something]
Paul.
Yes?
What's the favor you wanted to ask of me if I do you this favor?
[comes to Punk distressed] Take me with you! [The Bloodline is shocked]
Solo, Solo, I acknowledge... [Solo mouths off "say it"] the fact that I don't see the Bloodline standing in front of me, I see a bunch of fake-ass Usos, and [points to Solo] a phony cosplay Tribal Chief!
[The Bloodline rushes the ring, but leave when Cody Rhodes appears and he gives CM Punk a bat]
Solo, you fashion yourself the head of the Table right?
Damn right, damn right!
I've already beaten one head of the Table. So why don't you leave your family backstage, Kevin and Randy won't accompany me. We settle this here, we settle this TONIGHT!
KOKevin Owens
Hey, Bloodline! If you thought we were gonna wait until Money in the Bank, you're even dumber than you look.
Hey, Kev, check it out. The Bloodline has been crawling up my ass for over two years. They put me on the shelf for 18 freaking months. So at Money in the Bank, we put The Bloodline down for good.
The Bloodline looks in this ring and you know what they see? They see three victims. I don't see three victims. I see one of the most dangerous men on the planet, somebody that's headlined Wrestlemania. I see my friend, Kevin Owens. And I see a 14-time world champion, a first ballot Hall of Famer, a man who's responsible for me standing here, The Legend Killer, Randy Orton. And here's what else I see: I see a sold-out world's famous arena, Madison Square Garden. You see, magic like this or crowd like this, I should be defending my WWE Championship here tonight against a worthy credible opponent. Instead, I'm fighting a war with The Bloodline, I respectfully I thought I already finished at Wrestlemania. [NYPD shows up] Solo, look at me. At Money in the Bank, I don't know why we're calling it The Bloodline because I don't see a boss. I don't see a Tribal Chief. I don't see the Head of the Table. I see a seat filler.
[Solo reiterates his leadership of the Bloodline. The other members have acknowledged him, but when he asks it of Paul Heyman...]
Solo, I love you...
I love you, too.
[anguished] ...and I acknowledge... [readies ula fala garland] that you are NOT MY TRIBAL CHIEF!!! [throws away ula fala and mic, and gets slammed by a furious Solo's Samoan Spike]
Oh, my God! Samoan Spike to the wise man!
The biggest mistake of Heyman's life, and it might be his last.
[as Paul is on the mat] I loved you! You hear me?! I loved you! I tried! I tried! You understand me?! I loved you! I tried! Jacob, get him up there!!
Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, we lost one of the biggest and most globally recognized icons in the world. A man I grew up watching, was fortunate enough to share the ring with, and like so many of us, were honored to call a friend. The truth is, he captivated millions of people and inspired them around the globe. We would not be standing here right now, all of us together, if it was not for him. So please, help us honor him now, as we give a ten-bell salute to Terry Bollea, the one, and the only, the immortal, Hulk Hogan.
[CM Punk has had enough of the tongue-lashing from Becky Lynch over having nobody by his side facing her and mocking him as a disgrace to Chicago]
Becky, this is the situation I wanted to avoid, because you know, I know, everybody knows, I would never put my hands on a lady. Thankfully, I got somebody who will. [AJ Lee's music kicks in]
[Backstage, Drew McIntyre appears to confront Nick Aldis]
Nick, I've had a chance to calm down since Elimination Chamber. Now, let's be reasonable. I'm the face of your brand. We had an agreement when I won this title. There will be no rematch for Cody unless he wins the Rumble, unless he wins the Chamber. He won neither. So make this right.
Make this right?
Make it right.
Reasonable? I'll tell you what's unreasonable, is you looking me in my eye and telling me time after time that you were gonna let things happen the way they should and leave it alone, and you couldn't do it. So you went back on your word, I went back on mine. So now, it's time to put up or shut up. Defend the Championship tonight... unless, of course, you want to forfeit the Championship.
[attempts a small smile] Forfeit the title? It always feels like Drew McIntyre against the world, doesn't it? I've beat Cody before. I'm gonna beat him tonight because the only way he'll take this title from me is prying it from my cold, dead hands.
All right. Lace 'em up tight.
[A furious Drew McIntyre comes out after losing the Undisputed WWE Championship to Cody Rhodes]
Aldis! Aldis, you can take that contract and shove it up your arse! [to a fan] Move! [climbs over the barricade] Hey, you see what happened last week?! [stands on the commentary table] My damn title was stolen from me! You couldn't help yourself, could you, Nick?! You had to make sure your golden boy Cody Rhodes got the title match before WrestleMania! You're gonna get out here right now, and you're gonna make this right! I'll stay here all night long--
[walks out; interrupting] Let me explain this to you in plain English. There is nothing to make right. Part of being Champion, as you well know, is defending the Championship, and I made you do that in a fair one-on-one contest. A contest in which, by the way, you head-butted a referee, and it still didn't go your way. And now you're out here playing the victim again. Drew, you're looking for somebody to blame. What you should be really looking at are the consequences of your own actions. [steps into the ring]
The consequences of my actions? Yeah, beside the fact Jacob got involved, you had to make the match with Cody, yeah, yeah, yeah, even though we had a deal. He lost the Royal Rumble. He lost the Elimination Chamber. But you had to make sure the corporate Champion got his belt, right, you corporate stooge!?
Don't you dare call me that! You know who I am! You know where I came from! You want to talk about the Rumble? You want to talk about the Chamber? Oh, you mean those two matches where you screwed Cody out of his shot? Real rich, for the guy who claims to keep getting screwed. So you listen to me. You did everything you could to prevent Cody from getting a fair shot, and now I understand why. 'Cause the first time he got one, he beat you. [McIntyre furiously jumps off the commentary table, steps into the ring and marches right up to Aldis]
You know it, and I know it. THIS IS BULLSHIT! Now, you are gonna make this right, or else!
Or else what?
[Jacob Fatu's music hits and he marches out to the ring]
Well, just when the threat level seemingly could not get any higher, enter the Samoan Werewolf!
JTJoe Tessitore
The temperature has risen here in Phoenix. [Fatu steps into the ring]
CCrowd
[chanting] Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
JFJacob Fatu
[to the crowd] Yadada mean?! [the crowd cheers; to Drew] Fix? [scoffs] Fix what? Huh, Drew? You wouldn't even be Champion if it wasn't for me. So let's state the facts. I fixed this situation last week so Drew McIntyre is no longer Champion. So this isn't about him. [points to Aldis] This isn't about Cody. This isn't about anybody else. So you pointing fingers…
CCrowd
What?
FFatu
…you blaming people…
CCrowd
What?
FFatu
…blaming the ref…
CCrowd
What?
FFatu
…blaming Nick…
CCrowd
What?
FFatu
…blaming everybody else.
CCrowd
What?
FFatu
But let's keep it 100 with you.
CCrowd
What?
FFatu
I'm the one that screwed your ass. So let me break it down to you, Drew. What the hell… you gonna… do… about it?
What am I gonna do about it? You want to know what I'm gonna do about it? You, Nick, Cody, these people… I'm done with you all. [marches up to Aldis] I quit. [leaves, much to Aldis' shock]
JJoe
[shocked] Quit? What? Drew McIntyre's just walking off, Wade.
JFJacob Fatu
Yadada mean?!
CCrowd
[cheering; chanting] Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
FFatu
I'm limping, busted open, cracked ribs, and it's all got to do with one person. It got to do with you, Drew, huh? What the hell? What the hell is wrong with you, huh? You tried to take me out? You tried to end my career, huh? You tried to take food of my fam-- Man, you tried to take food off my kids' table, Drew! What, you thought kicking my teeth down my throat was gonna keep me down? What, you thought hitting me in the head with the title was gonna keep me down, huh?! You thought hitting me with the car, pulling me out through the windshield and banging my head on the car until you see blood, you thought that was gonna hold me down?! Hell, you thought throwing me off the side of a building was gonna hold me down, huh?! HELL NO! HELL... NO!! [winces at the pain in his ribs]
CCrowd
[chanting] Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
FFatu
Hey, Drew, you did all that, but I'm still standing. I'm still here! And as long as I got air in these lungs, then that means every week, every week, Drew, I'M GONNA DOG WALK YOUR PUNK ASS! [does the Fatu shake and winces again. Drew McIntyre's music hits. A battered McIntyre stands in the entrance way]
Look at you out here, playing the victim. You're not the victim, Jacob. I am. You started this whole thing when you... you accused me of a crime I didn't commit because I'm Drew McIntyre. I'm always guilty until proven innocent, right? Well, you're Jacob Fatu. You're straight guilty because you're a damn criminal! You committed the crime, and you did the time, and ever since you got out, you stole. You stole. You stole. You stole my title. You stole WrestleMania from me. You stole everything from me! Talking about taking food off your family's table, taking food from your kids' mouth? THAT'S MY FOOD! I want to... Look me in the eye, Jacob. Look right in my eyes with your stupid, beady eyes 'cause I mean this from the bottom of my heart. SCREW YOUR DAMN KIDS! [Jacob angrily starts to limp towards McIntyre until Nick Aldis arrives]
Enough! Enough. You just stay right there, Jacob. Both of you just stay right there. It's obvious to me, especially after talking to medical, that neither one of you are in any condition to beat the hell out of each other again here tonight. But I have a feeling that you'll be okay by, let's say, April 18 at WrestleMania. That's right, Drew. You get your wish. You get your match at WrestleMania. Drew McIntyre, Jacob Fatu, one-on-one. But here's the deal. You two have become liabilities to yourselves and the company, so I won't be held responsible. WWE won't be held responsible. There will be no disqualifications, no count-outs. The referee is only there to count to three or call a submission. There will be a winner because your match at WrestleMania is unsanctioned.
JTJoe Tessitore
Well, isn't that fitting for these two currently walking wounded.
Two beaten up and broken down human beings whose appetites for destruction are seemingly undulled. And now they get to do whatever the hell they want to each other at WrestleMania in an unsanctioned match!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE SmackDown! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.