Officer Shanks, explain fire.
FFireman
What?
Exactly why do things burn?
FFireman
What kind of a station is this?
S4 E17Fire
The phones are dead! The phones are dead!
Not now, Les!
Well, shouldn't we call somebody?
S4 E18Dear Liar
Les, your stories always seem to have a kind of a, uh... how shall I put this?
Barnyard aroma?
[on Les' demand for walls] You know, I think walls would be good for him. Big padded ones, about that thick.
[Andy and Bailey, in Mr. Carlson's office, have just discussed the fake news story that Bailey wrote and Les plagiarized on air]
[as Bailey is leaving] Bailey?
Hm?
You ever do that again, you'll be the best-looking reporter on the unemployment line.
Right.
[Bailey opens the door, then stops, and turns to look at Andy with a surprised expression on her face]
"Best-looking?"
[Andy nods]
Ooh. [smiles and departs]
S4 E19The Creation of Venus
[to Andy] If you're going to grab me, do it nicely--in the back seat of my Rolls.
Couldn't I have a cosmic name for a boy, like Pluto!
That's a dog's name.
Mercury.
That guy brings flowers. Now listen. What do you think of when you hear the name "Venus?"
Flytrap.
S4 E20The Impossible Dream
You don't like parties? You don't like putting on a silly hat, hiding behind furniture, and generally stripping yourself of every shred of human dignity?
Now that you put it that way, I do like that.
Travis, you should've heard Bailey with the news. It's the first time it ever made sense.
I like when Les does it. It's always so surreal.
S4 E21To Err is Human
Well, Herb, what do you think? What we have here is an ad for Soul Suds Shampoo, a shampoo that's exclusively marketed to the hip black customer. Am I right?
Yes, sir.
Then why are we looking at a picture of this really idiotic-looking white man?
[into the phone] You call yourselves printers? There were fifty photos of a black guy in a tuxedo holding a bottle of shampoo, and one photo of a white guy barbecuing, and you used the white guy! ... I don't care which photo I marked. I made the mistake and you people were supposed to catch it, that's what I pay you for. Don't you remember? I screw up everything! You should know that if it comes from me, it's wrong!
Here's how we do it. We go into the supermarket. [to Bailey] You create a ruckus in the produce section. [to Venus] You grab the poster, slip it under your jacket, we're out the door!
What kind of ruckus?
I don't know, uh, something with mangoes.
Mangoes?
[entering] Hey, Venus, don't worry about the posters; they'll be out of the supermarkets by tomorrow.
Thank goodness.
Oh, too bad. I was just getting a mental picture of me and those mangoes.
Yeah...?
S4 E22Up and Down the Dial
Statistics, right? I don't trust 'em. Statistically speaking, anybody who's led the kind of life that I have should look completely wasted.
Can you give me three solid reasons why Les should be fired?
Yes—he's incompetent, unprofessional, and very weird.
[after Dr. Johnny Fever has arrived] I'll just interrupt madam's meditation on the veranda. It is Dr. Johnny Fever?
[Johnny nods]
[calling out onto the veranda] Madam--your physician is here!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.