WKRP in Cincinnati · Season 4
Next week I'll just take a little vacation, take Herb and Les with me - maybe Johnny too, you can never tell what he's gonna do...
Wait a minute, you can't just clear out the station!
Why not? Just bring him here, introduce him to Jennifer, she'll wink at him a few times and he goes home.
And what if he is a she?
Well then you wink at him.
Why Hirsch! This coffee's delicious!!
Umm hmm. That's because we were having a guest, Madame. When it's just you and me, I prepare it a little differently.
[on the phone] Thank you very much! It's nice talking to you too! Bye!
Who was that?
My mom.
Really!
Yeah. She was pleasant! No guilt feelings! Something's wrong, of course. She's dying.
Andy's dating Mrs Carlson!
Don't tell anybody!
Andy's not dating Mrs Carlson!
Which one, his wife or his mother?
His mother. What kind of guy do you think I am?
Gee, Travis, I don't know!
[after her son has asked for lemonade] Hirsch, go squeeze a lemon.
Yes, ma'am! I might suggest you do the same!
I didn't join that sorority, because...
Because you felt sorry for me.
No! Because to get in I had to show up with a loser, a dip, a clown.
Thanks, Carmen!
And one minute after you picked me up, I knew you were none of those things. You were for me.
It wasn't really an 'official' fraternity. Mother sort of rented this house for a bunch of us who couldn't get in.
Andy, real speed is gone because it killed everybody. Junkies don't even want it back!
And once the Republicans got in, everyone just switched to downers!
Where do they go, anyway, Travis?
What's that, sir?
The donuts. When I eat those suckers, they go straight for my beltline. When you eat them, apparently they turn into hair.
Watch out for those reporters, they'll tear you to pieces. I mean, they already have their story, and then they come up here with this pre-conceived notion and put a hatchet right in your back. Remember last year when I was on that TV show? They killed me.
Yeah, but I'm not trying to hide anything.
I wasn't trying to hide anything!
Come on, Herbert, you were trying to pretend you were something you're not.
Human.
Aren't we all trying to hide something? And in the larger sense, isn't that what makes us human?
Where'd you get that speech?
Read it on a T-Shirt.
Have you noticed that you can't tell what color someone is over the phone?
I guess not.
That's right! Stereotype thinking! I mean, when I heard Black Life Magazine, I was expecting him to be like "Hey, little momma, you tell the dude I'll be here at fo'." But he didn't. He sounded just like you!
What does she mean "just like me?" I'm black, I'm from the street, I can say "fo'!"
That's right, Kingfish. You is, and you does. But the problem is, you sound neutral.
Neutral. You mean 'white.'
Well, don't worry, pal. I've heard you say "upside your head," things like that. Don't worry, you can pass for black.
I don't want to "pass for black," I want to be black! What the hell am I saying?
My wife and I went to Washington about three years ago. The Lincoln Memorial is pretty good. There's a great big guy sitting in a chair.
Monster lizard ravages east coast! Mayors in five New England cities have issued emergency requests for federal disaster relief as a result of a giant lizard that descended on the east coast last night! Officials say that this lizard, the worst since '78, has devastated transportation, disrupted communication, and left many hundreds homeless!
Monster lizard?
The wire service never lies!
Les, the "B" is out on the printer! It's monster blizzard!
Are you trying to tell me that I'm not worthy of Lorraine?
No, I'm trying to tell you that Lorraine is not worthy of you.
She cost $200.
No, she charges $200. Les, I'm talking about the oldest profession.
Lorraine's a farmer?
Herbert, I do not need a computerized service to help me find girls. I meet 'em the old-fashioned way: I pick them up in bars.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
