WKRP in Cincinnati · Season 2
Everything I could've done to fix this station, I didn't do. Now is that right or what?
How could you have fixed this station?
For starters: first thing I should've done was get rid of Herb. The worst sales manager in the world. The worst. And Les? Oh, Les. When the Shah of Iran was overthrown, he missed it completely. His lead story for the day was about a hog that could do addition and subtraction.
Aw, come on, man, you're not going anywhere, you know that. You've chosen to be here, my man. Yeah. You gave up an opportunity to be boy wonder of American radio to be the head guard at the nut farm.
That's ridiculous.
Oh, yeah? Think about it.
Ah, Venus. Well, man, I do like it here. I like it here better than any place I've ever worked. Let me ask you a question. Am I the guard or one of the nuts?
I think you're a guard. On the way to becoming a nut.
There are thousands of stations in this country with women on the air.
As disk jockeys, yes. But this is news, Travis, news - important stuff.
What about Barbara Walters?
I 'west' my case.
Now about the format. Whenever possible I always try to lead with the hog futures, particularly in the morning.
Why?
Because, Bailey, that's what people are interested in.
Yeah, but what if a really big story is breaking?
Well, that's when you have to use your news judgment. There will always be exceptions. For instance, when President Richard Milhous Nixon resigned, I led the news with that story. Looking back, I think I made the right decision.
[about being alone on Christmas] Do you know how hard it is to find a 2 lb. turkey?
[after playing Christmas music] I don't get it either, babies, but somebody out there likes it. So we'll just keep shoveling through the seasonal syrup. Not too much left of this season of good cheer and bad music.
So, Derek, how does your team look?
Uh, mostly Venezuelan.
Well, let's hear it.
Well, we were all right here, just as we are now, discussing this new show with Sparky, except you didn't look like yourself, Mr. Carlson. You looked more like a large... muffin.
Muffin?
Yes, a nice breakfast muffin. And you said that you had an exciting announcement.
Well?
Well, you sang it. [Singing] "I'm a big fat muffin that loves to eat, a big fat muffin that has no feet. But most of all, I'm a big fat muffin that loves to explode." And then you did.
Do you believe in a supreme being?
Wow! Uh, I think so.
What's he like?
Well, first of all she's black--that was a joke. An old joke, but a good one.
Bigotry started a long time ago. Nobody knows where. I think the French started it.
How can you do that? How can you put a dollar value on your sister's company? And, more importantly, how much?
Thirty bucks.
What's wrong with your sister?
[about racism] We've cut down the tree, but the roots run pretty deep.
Any signs of senility?
It's all around, Venus.
I'm Venus.
Then who's he?
That's Johnny.
The black guy?
No, I'm the black guy.
Oh, excuse me.
You know, my son speaks about you all the time.
He does?
No, he doesn't, but he should. My son is a little bit of a jerk.
[on Herb's suit] Somewhere there's a Volkswagen without seat covers.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
