Whose Line Is It Anyway? quotes

I'm in advertising. You know my name is Rick,

Why don't you buy that stuff, you baby boomer?

I hate commercials! What a waste of time!

I buy lots of products when I'm at home alone.

Whose Line Is It Anyway? Well, that was absolutely disgusting! And the people who manage each week, John, the entire lot of the studio audience is completely naked in that program. And the sorry sight he was, too. Now let's look. Stage manager, Hilary Groves, costume designer--- costume? Ha! Vanda Vivian, well that's a stage name if ever I heard one. Hilary Gartell, that alright. Jane Bigger: whoop. sorry. Missed it. Designer, Pip Gardner, lighting director--- what does he direct? Who directs traffic? Oh, never mind.

Strange 900 numbers.

So you need more bald jokes, Drew Carey. Here are some more bald jokes for you, Drew Carey.

Thanks, Chrome dome! That was really funny!

Things you can say to your dog, but not your girlfriend.

What did you just do?! What did you just do?! Am I going to have to rub your nose in that?

Come!

Get off the mailman! Get off the mailman!

What the Grim Reaper does to relax.

Nah, I'm bored of Pictionary. Let's play Life. Heh!

Whose Line Is It Anyway is composed and... (makes a funny pose)

Compiled by... (makes a funny pose)

Dan and Tony Slattery.

With Phillip Pope.

The sound supervisor is Keith Mayes.

Russell Norman.

Louise Grime is the stage manager.

Terrence Black, and he's the...

I can't get on it. Oh, look. (acts like a monkey)

I'm funnier than you!

Mike Sutcliffe is the lighting director.

Grahame Storey. Darina Healy. Do the skinny one.

Oh, there's Dan Patterson. Look. (they waddle like penguins) It's Dan Patterson.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" said Nick, softly and yet manfully. "I didn't mean to buy you that crocodile and I didn't realise it was the devil's work!" Amanda stood there alluringly looking at Nick. A tall lithe woman who belied her thirty-five years of age. Silk lingerie fell neatly over her firm high breasts and her delicate hair was pulled back in a chimion. "Oh Nick..."

Oh that was a shame, wasn't it? It was going very well there. Nick suddenly thought of the words that his mother had given to him, the golden advice: "Always wear a condom on a zebra crossing." It was something that he was never to forget, also "Never drive a truck in a nude." He used his insolent techniques to take on this woman. She was all woman, he was all man and his license was fully endorsed.

Hell is a fine and private place but, erm, none I think do they embrace, and of course... The erm, the theatre is full of luvvies, always has been. People penetrating each other's bottoms like British railways. Over the years...

I'm terribly sorry, I'm just so sorry, I won't do it again, I'm very very sorry. Sorry, I'm so sorry. So sorry. So sorry.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" said Nick, thrusting her firmly and yet gently onto the Axminster carpet. Amanda was so glad she cleaned it only the other day.

And she thought to herself "Ah, an Axminster carpet, surely a great contribution to road safety..."