“Comic Relief special” quotes from Whose Line Is It Anyway?

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" said Nick, softly and yet manfully. "I didn't mean to buy you that crocodile and I didn't realise it was the devil's work!" Amanda stood there alluringly looking at Nick. A tall lithe woman who belied her thirty-five years of age. Silk lingerie fell neatly over her firm high breasts and her delicate hair was pulled back in a chimion. "Oh Nick..."

Oh that was a shame, wasn't it? It was going very well there. Nick suddenly thought of the words that his mother had given to him, the golden advice: "Always wear a condom on a zebra crossing." It was something that he was never to forget, also "Never drive a truck in a nude." He used his insolent techniques to take on this woman. She was all woman, he was all man and his license was fully endorsed.

Hell is a fine and private place but, erm, none I think do they embrace, and of course... The erm, the theatre is full of luvvies, always has been. People penetrating each other's bottoms like British railways. Over the years...

I'm terribly sorry, I'm just so sorry, I won't do it again, I'm very very sorry. Sorry, I'm so sorry. So sorry. So sorry.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" said Nick, thrusting her firmly and yet gently onto the Axminster carpet. Amanda was so glad she cleaned it only the other day.

And she thought to herself "Ah, an Axminster carpet, surely a great contribution to road safety..."

Crocodiles didn't really appear in the British theatre until later on in the 20th century when all the old luvvies had covered themselves with eau de cologne. At this stage, crocodiles and alligators were seen on the English stage along with the Australians like Paul Hogan and people like that. However..."