Charlie and Alan in “No Sniffing, No Wowing”

Hey, if you listened to me in the first place, you wouldn't be in this mess. I'm the one who told you not to marry her.

You're also the one who told me that if I jumped off the garage roof with a bath towel tied around my neck, I could fly to school.

The one time you listen to me.

Let me tell you another thing: if I hadn't married Judith, there would be no Jake.

I didn't say you couldn't knock her up!