Tracey Takes On... Season 1 quotes

Sydney, how long has it been since you took a vacation?

I don't know, I think I was about twelve-years-old and my parents took me to a log cabin in the mountains. We spent the whole day walking around looking at the countryside and taking picnics. I couldn't understand what I'd done wrong to deserve that kind of punishment.

I think you need some time off. I mean, you can't expect to be in the limelight all the time. Take a long weekend.

What's this all about, Warren?

Sydney, don't you think suing the dead is a bit obsessive?

Not at all! This is a clear case of suicide with malicious intent! How come he didn't just take an overdose at home or tie a plastic bag over his head like any normal person?! No! He had to throw himself under a train disrupting the lives of innocent passengers. What type of antisocial behavior...

Just a couple of days.

Harry.

What?

I want you to be honest with me. Are you full of rage?

What are you talking about?

I found out that your so-called back problem is really unexpressed rage.

Who told you that, Fern?

I read.

You do not.

Okay. That big dark haired woman that ate all the cake. What's her name? Jabba the Hutt?

What if I started drinking again?

No! No!

No?

Not that! You been there, you done that! Not even water!

Help, somebody! It's Linda Granger!

God grant me the serenity to accept members of the opposite to not accept the opposite sex's members; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Listen, deary, I was making motion pictures when Noah was still a sailor.

Tracey Ullman, your Royal Highness.

Hello.

Oh. The ex-patriot mimic. Can you do me?

Yeah, yeah, it's not too difficult really. [Imitating Her Royal Highness] One just has to talk as if one has a broom stuck up one's ass.

It's uncanny, isn't it? Especially from someone as common as yourself. Goodbye.

Name?

Uh, Ruby Romaine, like the lettuce.

Do you realize who I was? I was the High Priestess of Hip, the Icon of Trend! I knew Bruce and Demi, Warren and Annette! Johnny and Kate! I sailed with the Pearlmans and skied with Spielbergs! Helmut Newton photographed me wearing something rubber on a llama! I had Princess Di on my fucking speed dial!

You know, this place is going in the toilet, you can't even get a decent douche pump here anymore.

Maybe that's because they found out that they're not good for you.

Oh, bulldinky. There's nothing like a squirt of Spring Rain to freshen up your forest, dear.

I'm on a percentage of the drinks. I used to play the main room, Candy. The main room! Oh, god. Twenty years ago everyone knew me. I did three Jerry Lewis telethons. I knew all the players. Steve and Eydie. Rickles. Tony Newley. Paul Anka wrote "She's Having My Baby" for me. That was just a false alarm, of course. I was just late.

I got good use out of my beaver brush on that movie!

Joey learned to imitate me, and one day when I was out, he flew into mother's room and kept saying, "Time for your medication, dear! Time for your medication, dear!" Mother took sixteen doses of her diuretic. So Joey had to go - and so did mother. She lost twenty-two pounds in nine minutes!

Someone knows what an elitist, egocentrical, name-dropping little bitch your are!

Norman Mailer said that, too!

There you go again!

Ahoy! I was just talking to my cousin here. That's right, I said cousin. I was raised by dingoes.