Tracey Takes On... quotes

You think rubbers are romantic? They're big pain in the ass. I have to have my rubbers custom-made at the Big and Tall shop.

Oh god, why do they send me a kid? Get me Dr. Goldstein. Get me any Jew!

Fern!

Yes, Bella, darling!

The Marlboro Man just arrived.

Oh, wonderful he made it. Where is he?

He's in his dressing room.

Terrific.

Tell me, is he the original Marlboro Man?

No, Bella, darling, the original Marlboro Man died of lung cancer. This is the Marlboro Lights Man.

Listen, lady. When you look at me, do you see somebody who's had it easy? While you were sitting here in your air-conditioned life, I was seeing things that people only see in their nightmares -- blood and guts spilled all over, and body parts scattered all around like confetti.

You've been into Mother's room, haven't you?

I'm talking about Nam!

TV today no good. In old days we have horse that talk, we have car that talk, now no thing talk!

Things changing all the time does affect you. I remember a time when there was only one flavor high fiber Metamucil!

I'm going to give you a good spanking and let you watch Baywatch.

[Giddy] Both at the same time?

I said to my daughter Sheila, I said, "Sheila, darling, I will never pressure you into have children," because I had children and it ruined my life. Oy.

Alright, here we go. Make a woman out of me, okay. Fertilize me!

Oh, Leanne, love. You’re not a plowed field.

I’m sorry, I’m babbling here, I’m so nervous. I’m just so nervous about what’s going to happen.

I’m just so afraid that it will.

Okay, don’t worry. Here we go. What’s it you Brits all say? Just close your eyes and think of England!

Right. I might be better off thinking of Antonio Banderas.

In other words, you guys were watching when Fern and I go in the toilet.

Oh my god! I feel defiled!

Lawyers are like bagel. You don't want nothing to do with them!

You've got great breasts, Kay!

[Embarrassed] Oh, please, Gloria!

No, really. It’s just, you're not making the most of them. You need to show them off.

Oh, I'm not sure that I do. Mother always said that if God intended for breasts to be seen, he wouldn't have invented large woolen pullovers, you see.

I think you need a wonder bra. I wouldn’t go anywhere without mine!

Oh, yes, they’re very striking, Deborah, but mine are very happy being out of the limelight. They're rather shy, like bats, just hanging there quietly in the dark.

What size are you?

I’m not sure.

I think she’s a 38 D.

Yeah.

I think one of them might be.

I rest my hair.

Oh! Very good, daddy!

Fred Astaire taught me that, and I taught him how to open beer bottles with his teeth.

By the way I'm Titus.

Tight ass?

Titus.