I absolutely hope that James May wakes up in the morning and ten thousand insects are in his underpants!
“November 2nd, 2008” · Season 12, Episode 1
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (20), James May (11), Richard Hammond (9), The Stig (1)
[After Jeremy pulls up to May and Hammond with his lorry trailer on fire]
How can we be this rubbish?
[During the lorrying speed test]
Eat my Magnum!... Yeah!
Change gear, change gear, mirrors, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in one day.
[Reading challenge card] It says that this is a test of speed, braking and toughness all in one. You must accelerate to 56 miles an hour, drive through an obstacle and stop as quickly as possible. It says whoever does that in the shortest distance wins a year's supply of pies.
What do they mean by "obstacles"?
Doesn't say.
[pause]
What sort of pies?
[During the truck challenge, showing their 'knowledge' of their trucks]
It's um... this is the sleeper cab, which has got the extra bit on the back where you can sleep. They also did it as a day cab which didn't have that bit... so you couldn't sleep in it. Um... it's the uh...
[to Richard] He doesn't know anything! [laughs]
What colour is it, James?
What have you got then?
A lorry!
What sort?
... A big one!
Well clearly!
[Richard's cargo (an unsecured car) has fallen out of the back of his lorry in transit]
I'll be honest... I don't.. I think, like the headlamps, taillamps— 'cause I heard a clunk at that end and then a clunk at that end and then a lot more clunks and then it stopped and got smoother and smoother. Headlights are gonna be smashed to bits... I daren't look... [May looks inside] Yes I know. It's bad, I'm sorry.
It's worse than that.
[Richard and James looking in the empty trailer]
Is that bad for my points?
Yeah. But more to the point, where is it?
[grimacing guiltily] Don't know...
...So anyway, how was your car?
Car's...
Stolen! That's what it is, I've just thought of it now: stolen. The damnedest thing.
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