Hamton J. Pig quotes from Tiny Toon Adventures

I made a list of everything we need for a hit TV show.

[Bugs looks down at the two rabbits as Babs talks to Buster]

Let's do Tiny Toons instead.

"Right. We need appealing stars."

BBBuster and Babs

"Done."

"Also, we need an exciting locale, wacky but lovable neighbors, arch-enemies, and stories.

Babs [as Buster rushes off]: "Okay. What's our location?"

[Buster runs back with a pair of scissors, which he uses to cut a piece of paper with. The scraps fly past Babs]

Buster [standing next to a map]: "Feast your eyes, Babsy!"

[The camera pans over the map as Buster and Babs speak to each other]

"So, what do you call it, rembrant?"

"Green Acres."

"Get current."

"Okay, Acme Acres."

"What do we need next?"

"Wacky but lovable neighbors."

[Buster jumps into the map]

"Last one in is eraser dust!"

[Babs jumps into the map. She and Buster fall, landing near a sign that says, Audition Today For Wacky But Lovable Neighbors]

"Audition today. Well, isn't that convenient?"

[A few moments later, Buster and Babs are dressed in robes and sitting at a desk, interviewing candidates for the show, who have lined up behind the sign]

"Next!"

[A male pig in blue overalls walks up to the desk]

"All right, baby! This is your audition! What do you do?"

Hamton J. Pig

"My name is Hamton J. Pig, and I, uh, uh... clean!" [pulls out a mini-vacuum cleaner] "I react to characters funnier than I am, and I have low self-esteem."

"Well, every show needs a straight man. You're in!"

Hamton

"I'll get my sponge!"

[Buster pulls a background of a pigsty towards Hamton, who lands in the mud]

Hamton

"Ick! Mud!" [Pulls out his mini-vacuum and vacuums up the mud]

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Hamton J. Pig

Sometimes a guy gets real shy when he asks out a girl that he likes [gulp] ehh, know what I mean Fifi?

Fifi La Fume

Hmph! I think ze whole idea of proms and dates eez a lot of sexist, outdated, how-you-say, hooey!

Hamton J. Pig

Gosh, that's too bad, Fifi. I was kinda hoping you'd be my date. Oh, well.

Fifi La Fume

Bless you, mon petite bacon of pig! I thought no one would ask me! [kisses]

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What do you know about Honey?

Hamton

Uh... it's sweet, and Winnie the Pooh has a problem with it...

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GGranny

Hamton, how do you expect me to get a proper temperature when you take the thermometer out of your mouth to sing?

Hamton

Oh, that wasn't me, it was my frog. [to the dead frog] Come on! Sing, sing! [to Granny] You remember? [sings] Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal!

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[directing the episode "Kon Ducki"] Action!

Hamton

Aaaah, mango fruit! [The mast falls on him]

CUT cut cut cut cut cut, cut cut! Not fruit, JUICE! Mango juice! Let's do it again! Action!

Hamton

Aaaah, mango drink! [The mast falls on him]

Juice! Mango juice!

Hamton

Aaaah, mango liquid refreshment! [The mast falls on him]

You imbecile! You call yourself an actor!? Gimmie that! [sits in the chair] You open the bottle and say, "Aaaah, mango juice!" [The mast falls on him] Print that.

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BHBuster [heard offscreen as he opens the fridge]

What'll it be boys? Juice? Milk? Soda?

Or...

A cold one?