Ed the Sock quotes from This Movie Sucks!

By the way, this isn't phallic at all!

Earthquakes are just one place not across the entire world.

I didn’t mean to insult the art of your giantess video.

Do you know what bleach blonds and air planes have in common: black boxes.

Why do they drive on the other side like in England but on the right side of the road?

If she wasn’t wearing underwear he would not have stopped looking up her skirt.

In short: Yes, this a shit hole, but it is our shit hole!

On the brighter side, we are coming to you from a studio with a proud history of classic TV.

In fact, they've shared some of that heritage with us by leaving us a coffee maker from The Hilarious House of Frightenstein. In fact, it's the same coffee. Feel free to drink it, but sign the waiver first.

If we drink it do we dance like Igor all psychedelic?

Actually no, you just end up spasming from toxic shock.

Freeze! Did he just talk fondly of slavery?

Yeah.

All right, just wanted to make sure it wasn't me. Roll it!

Like every good movie house, we have a concession stand. Right over there.

You mean the vending machines?

Yeah, the vending machines are our concession stand.

Wasn't that in the lobby earlier?

It was doing no good there.

Ed, did you steal them from the lobby?

I borrowed it.

Where did you learn to do that, prison?

What?

I don't know, that's always a funny thing to ask somebody.

No, no it's not. I just made it up.

You know they make wine in prison!

So as the first scene ended, the old man fired Barney, the plantation manager. Barney likes to think that's because he has been romancing the man's wife. He doesn't think its because of the fact he screws off mid-afternoon and lets his workers die.

And doesn't care.

And has sex with one of the employees under-age daughter. He doesn't think that ought to be a firing condition.

Orbit EF? Gee!

Oh, you went there.

So he lets the girl get taken away while the boy and man get safely into the rocket ship.

This might be a good time to point out that Japanese culture values boys over girls.

What the hell, he's shooting people?

Maybe he got tired of pushing the same guys away over and over and over.

Why are they shooting him one at a time?

There gentlemanly.

Dumbest... aliens... ever! There is no way these guys were smart enough to make a spaceship, I think they found a rocket ship and a copy of Mein Kampf.