Ed the Sock quotes from This Movie Sucks!

Careful, your rubbing off my spray hair.

He's dead, who gets his bag of four shells?

In chapter five of The Wild Women of Wongo, Omoo and her posy successfully drive the ape-men to the river bank, where they are turned into obvious mannequin parts and consumed by stock footage of an alligator.

So the women of the now dead tribe of Wongo set out to find Goona, ready to trade one ridiculous tribal name for another.

So lets just be clear, they know that there is a threat from ape-men invading, so they decide that now's a good time to leave their spears behind and go wandering unarmed into the jungle.

Is it just me, or does the music take away from the drama?

The women of Goona either look like they've been through a famine or caused one.

Look, she's tall and he's short! Isn't that hilarious? I don't know, maybe puns aren't the lowest form of humour.

Wait, why is he afraid of a constrictor? It's not like its going to bite him. You'd think spending your life in the jungle, you'd learn to identify animal species.

Well, finally, you know why their winking? Because they have no interest in women. They went from the "Wild Women of Wongo" to the "Beautiful Beards of Goona".

If you're wondering how a guy that looks like this wound up being the star of a movie, well, it kind of helps when the guy producing the movie is your dad. It's what's known as the Tori Spelling method.

Well, you can tell it is not modern LA... they would have run him over.

Well, you know what she's thinking. Wow, poor, from out of town, a musician... this will really piss off daddy.

Besides, I'm blonde and this is Hollywood. I'm just going to throw it up anyway.

Will our hero become an overnight sensation? Or will his giant head and hair ignite the studio lights and cause a massive fire?