Dr. Blockhead quotes from The X-Files

Dr. Blockhead

[crashing a funeral] Not having known the deceased personally, I am in no position to perform a proper eulogy! "I'm sure he was a nice guy," et cetera, et cetera. But as an admirer of the man's work, I am in a position to perform an impromptu tribute in his honor! Namely, ramming this spike into my chest! [does so]

Mulder

Have you ever performed this... act on anyone else?

Dr. Blockhead

What, are you sick? I tell my audiences that if they're stupid enough to try this on themselves they'll end up with a slight lobotomy. I am a professional.

Mulder

Exactly how does one become a professional blockhead?

Mulder

Have you ever performed this... act on anyone else?

Dr. Blockhead

What, are you sick? I tell my audiences that if they're stupid enough to try this on themselves they'll end up with a slight lobotomy. I am a professional.

Mulder

Exactly how does one become a professional blockhead? May I?

Dr. Blockhead

Starting in my homeland of Yemen, I trained with yogis, fakirs, and swamis, learning the ancient arts of body manipulation. But most men know nothing of these arts. For instance, did you know that through the protective Chinese practice of Tieu Bhu Xian, you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?

Mulder

Oh, I'm doing that as we speak.