Dana Scully quotes from The X-Files

Scully

Why'd you come here if you'd already made up your mind?

Mulder

(smiling) Because I knew you'd talk me out of it if you thought I'd made a mistake.

Last year was something of a personal revelation. We were doing an exercise called "Team Builders," where we were given two minutes to build a tower out of ordinary office furniture.

When I stood on Mike's shoulders and I put that electric pencil sharpener on top of the pile, we both knew - we could never have done it alone.

Mulder

(leaning over to Scully, whispering) Kill me now.

You ever been to one of these team seminars, Agent Scully?

Scully

Um... I think I went to a constructive problem-solving course when I first joined the bureau.

Oh did you play that game where you can't use any negative words?

I couldn't believe how hard it was not to use the word "but!"

Mulder

(falsely enthusiastic) I'm having that same problem right now!

Have you ever been to a team seminar, Agent Mulder?

Mulder

(grinning at Scully) No. You know, unfortunately around this time of year, I always develop a severe hemorrhoidal condition.

Well, it builds muscles you didn't even know you had.

Communication. That's the key.

Sorry folks, it'll be a few minutes.

What's going on?

Got a little situation, that's all.

Mulder

(opens the car door and bolts) Thank you, Jesus.

[The three left in the car watch as Mulder walks off] Where's he goin'?

Scully

[Approaches Mulder in the woods as Michele Fazekas walks away] Mulder? We've got this conference. They're waiting.

Mulder

Yeah. How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully?

Scully

You want me to tell them that you're not gonna make it to this year's teamwork seminar.

Mulder

See? [Puts his hands on her arms and grins.] We don't need that conference! We have communication like that unspoken! You know what I'm thinking!

Scully

[Smiles and shakes her head]

Mulder

It's open.

Mulder

Who cut the cheese?

Scully

(rolls eyes, explains) Since you won't be making it to the conference.

Mulder

Mmm! Par-tay!

Scully

However, I must remind you that this goes against the bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on assignment.

Mulder

Try any of that "Tailhook" crap on me, Scully, I'll kick your ass.

Scully

Where are you going?

Mulder

I've gotta check something out.

Scully

You know, Mulder, sometimes I think some work on your communication skills wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Mulder

I'll be back soon, and we can build a tower of furniture. (grins) Okay?

Mulder

(about whatever monster is lurking in the forest) Maybe it can regulate its temperature. You don't know of any animal that can?

Scully

Ticks. I've heard they can halt their metabolism for up to 18 years, essentially going in to suspended animation until something warm-blooded comes along.

Mulder

That's interesting.

Scully

Why is that interesting?

Mulder

Thirty years ago, the town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, was terrorized for over a year by something. Killing livestock, terrorizing the people. Witnesses described them as primitive-looking men with red, piercing eyes. Became known as the "Moth Men." I've got an X-File dating back to 1952 on it.

Scully

(dryly) What would that be filed next to? "The Cockroach that Ate Cincinnati?"

Mulder

No, "The Cockroach that Ate Cincinnati" is in the "C"s. Moth Men's over in the "M"s.

Scully

(trying to start a fire with stones) You were an Indian guide. Help me out here.

Mulder

(leaning against a log, as he's been injured) Indian guide says maybe you should run to the store and get some matches.

Scully

I would, but I left my wallet in the car. [Sits next to him, gets out her gun]

Mulder

What are you doing?

Scully

Trying to open my gun. [Takes the clip out] If I can separate the shell from the casing, maybe I can get the powder to ignite.

Mulder

Mm. And maybe it'll start raining weenies and marshmallows.

Scully

Do I detect a hint of negativity?

Mulder

No! Yes, actually. Yeah.

Scully

Mulder, you need to keep warm. Your body's still in shock.

Mulder

I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat is to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with somebody else who was already naked. (scoots closer to her)

Scully

(grinning) Maybe if it rained sleeping bags, you'll get lucky. [Mulder looks up at Scully in surprise; she continues working on getting the bullet apart.] You ever thought seriously about dying?

Mulder

Yeah, once, when I was at the Ice Capades.

Scully

[Gives him a look, then goes back to the bullet.] When I was fighting my cancer, I was angry at the injustice of it, and its meaninglessness. Then I realized that that was a struggle - to give it meaning, to make sense of it. It's like life.

Mulder

I think nature is supremely indifferent to whether we live or die. I mean, if you're lucky, you get 75 years, if you're really lucky you get 80 years, and if you're extraordinarily lucky, you get to live 50 of those years with a decent head of hair.

Scully

(chuckles) I guess it's like Las Vegas. The house always wins. [The bullet suddenly pops open.] Oh! (sings) Ta-da!

Mulder

Go girl! [Scully gets up to pour the gunpowder from the bullet into the makeshift campfire.] Hey, who did you identify with when you were a kid - Wilma or Betty?

Scully

I identified with Betty's bustline.

Mulder

Yes! I did too.

Scully

I could never have been married to Barney though. The kids were cute.

Mulder

Yeah. But where are they today?

Scully

[Uses the rocks to strike a spark into the gunpowder, which instantly burns up and doesn't light the sticks. Looks at Mulder.] Moth Men? Really?

Mulder

Yeah. But there seem to be only two of 'em. [Scully sighs and goes back to sit next to Mulder, then puts an arm around his shoulder and starts pulling him closer.] I don't wanna wrestle!

Scully

(laughs) Get over here. I'm gonna try and keep you warm. [She pulls him over so he's curled up on her lap, her arms around him.] Sorry.

Mulder

One of us has got to stay awake, Scully.

Scully

You sleep, Mulder.

Mulder

If you get tired, you wake me.

Scully

I'm not gonna get tired.

Mulder

Why don't you sing something?

Scully

(firmly) No, Mulder.

Mulder

If you sing something, I'll know you're awake.

Scully

Mulder, you don't want me to sing. I can't carry a tune.

Mulder

It doesn't matter. Just sing anything.

Scully

(sighs; sings, out of tune) Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine. Never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine.

Mulder

Chorus.

Scully

(continues singing) Joy... to the world. All the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.

Scully

Why are you humoring them, Mulder?

Mulder

I'm not humoring them, Scully. This is a very serious crime.

Scully

So is perjury. So is calling out FBI. agents under false pretenses.

Mulder

For the purpose of what?

Scully

Isn't it obvious? I think what we're seeing here is an example of a culture for whom daytime talk shows and tabloid headlines have become a reality against which they measure their lives. A culture so obsessed by the media and a chance for self-dramatization that they'll do anything in order to gain a spotlight.

Mulder

I am alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype. Not everybody's dream is to get on Jerry Springer.

Scully

Psychologists often speak of the denial of an unthinkable evil or a misplacement of shared fears, anxieties taking the form of a hideous monster for whom the most horrific human attributes can be ascribed. What we can't possibly imagine ourselves capable of we can blame of the ogre, on the hunchback, on the lowly half-breed. Common sense alone will tell you that these legends, these unverified rumors, are ridiculous.

Mulder

But nonetheless, unverifiable and, therefore, true in the sense that they're believed to be true.

Scully

Is there anything that you don't believe in, Mulder?

Scully

Who is the man who would create a life whose only hope is to die?

Mulder

I don't know.. But that you found her, and you had a chance to love her - Maybe she was meant for that, too.

Mulder

Scully, just trace the call and cut off any access that woman has to a phone! I'm heading back now.

Scully

Mulder, I'm not at the safe house.

Mulder

You're not?

Scully

We're at the Chaimbridge Mall investigating a suicide.

Mulder

(frustrated) Why isn't anybody picking up at the safehouse switchboard?!

Scully

(sighs and hangs up; turns to US Marshalls) Back in the trucks.

Scully

His mother said that Bobby can't make friends. He's been in therapy for his anger since 1995.

Mulder

(grin) That could be me.

Mulder

I don't think this was an act of grave robbing, Scully.

Scully

No, that's what we were doing.

Mulder

Maybe you don't know what you're looking for.

Scully

Like evidence of conjury or the black arts or shamanism, divination, Wicca or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice. Charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones, or hex signs or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, Santeria, Voudoun, Macumba, or any high or low magic?

Mulder

Scully?

Scully

Yes?

Mulder

Marry me.

Scully

I was hoping for something a little more helpful.

Scully

(objecting as Mulder starts using a laptop taken from a crime scene) Mulder, that's evidence!

Mulder

Gee, I hope so.

Scully

(chasing after him) Mulder?

Mulder

[moves the lips on the boy he just staked to reveal vampire fangs] Look at that! Eh? [Scully taps the fangs to show that they're just plastic. Mulder looks horrified.] Oh sh- [Credits roll.]