Fox Mulder quotes from The X-Files

Mulder

How would this happen?

Scully

The birds and the bees and the monkey babies, Mulder.

Mulder

I have a theory. Do you wanna hear it?

Scully

Van Blundht somehow physically transformed into his captor and walked out the door, leaving no one the wiser?

Mulder

(pleased) Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?

Scully

So what are you saying, that Van Blundht's an alien?

Mulder

(grinning) Not unless they have trailer parks in space.

Mulder

Hey Scully, if you could be somebody else for a day, who would it be?

Scully

Hopefully myself.

Mulder

So boring! I mean, wouldn't you be tempted to try on somebody else's existence for a day, live your life as somebody else?

Scully

Looking like someone else, Mulder, and being someone else are completely different things.

Mulder

Well maybe it's not. I mean, everybody else around you would treat you like you were somebody else. I mean, ultimately, maybe it's other people's reactions to us who make us who we are.

Scully

(pauses for a while as they walk, thinking) All right then. Eleanor Roosevelt.

Mulder

(regretful) Ay. Can't be a dead person.

Scully

(slightly annoyed) Why the hell not?

Mulder

(as if it is a perfectly acceptable explanation) Because.

Scully

I don't imagine you need to be told this, Mulder, but you're not a loser.

Mulder

Yeah, but I'm no Eddie Van Blundht either, am I.

Scully

Mulder, everything this man [Kritschgau] described...you can't just guess at these details. I'm sorry, but the facts here completely overwhelm any argument against them!

Mulder

Facts overwhelmed by the lies created to support them!

Scully

Mulder, the only lie here is the one that you continue to believe.

Mulder

After all I've seen and experienced, I refuse to believe that it's NOT true!

Scully

Because it's easier to believe the lie. Isn't it?

Skinner

Agent Mulder.. Where you going?

Mulder

I.C.U.

Skinner

You're moving pretty good for a dead man.

Mulder

I'm only half-dead.

Mulder

Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains.

Cigarette Smoking Man

I'm here tonight as a friend, Agent Mulder.

Scully

Why'd you come here if you'd already made up your mind?

Mulder

(smiling) Because I knew you'd talk me out of it if you thought I'd made a mistake.

Cigarette Smoking Man

But I've come today not to ask, but to offer. To offer you the truths that you so desperately sought - about the project, about the men who conspired to protect it...

Mulder

I know the truth.

Cigarette Smoking Man

Do you?

Mulder

I spoke to one of your men.

Cigarette Smoking Man

Do you know he's not a liar?

Mulder

I've seen enough to know he's not a liar, yeah.

Cigarette Smoking Man

You've seen but scant pieces of the whole.

Mulder

What more can you show me?

Cigarette Smoking Man

This man you spoke to - Michael Kritschgau.. He's deceived you with beautiful lies. He's told you that everything you ever believed about the existence of extraterrestrial life is untrue.

Mulder

(nods) What are you saying?

Cigarette Smoking Man

As I said, I'm offering you the chance to know the truth.

Mulder

In exchange for what?

Cigarette Smoking Man

Quit the FBI. Come work for me. You can make your problems go away.

Mulder

(pauses) No deal.

Cigarette Smoking Man

(smiles) After all I've given you?

Mulder

(in disbelief) What have- What have you given me? The claim of a cure for Scully? Is she cured? You show me my sister only to take her right back? You've given me nothing.

Cigarette Smoking Man

I intend to keep my promises. I just need something from you.

Mulder

You murdered my father. You killed Scully's sister. And if Scully dies, I will kill you. I don't care whose father you are, I will put you down.

Cigarette Smoking Man

Well you're certainly capable, so I've been told. I understand you have a hearing tomorrow, where you'll have to testify to these murderous impulses of yours. [Mulder walks away] ..When you reconsider, the offer still stands.

You really believe this crap, don't you?

Mulder

Yes, I do.

You see, she's your big defender, but.. I think the truth is, she just doesn't wanna disappoint you.

Mulder

Well, if it works, I don't care what you think she thinks.

You're a real piece of work, you know that, Mr. Mulder?

Mulder

Why is that? Because I don't think the way you think? Because I won't just sit passively back and watch the family tragedy unfold?

You're the reason for it. And I've already lost one sister to this quest you're on. Now I'm losing another. Has it been worth it? To you, I mean. Have you found what you've been looking for?

Mulder

No.

"No." You know how that makes me feel?

Mulder

In a way, I think I do. I lost someone very close to me - I lost a sister.. I lost my father - all because of this thing I'm looking for.

This what? Little green aliens?

Mulder

Yeah. Little green aliens.

You're one sorry son of a bitch. Not a whole lot more to say.[leaves]

Mulder

(after his phone rings) One sorry son of a bitch speaking.

Mulder

Four years ago, while working on an assignment outside the FBI mainstream I was paired with Special Agent Dana Scully who I believe was sent to spy on me. To debunk my investigations into the paranormal. That Agent Scully did not follow these orders is a testament to her integrity as an investigator, a scientist, and a human being. She has paid dearly for this integrity.

Agent Mulder, Agent Scully lied straightfaced to this panel about your death.

Mulder

She lied because I asked her to. Because I had evidence of a conspiracy, a conspiracy against the American people.

We've already heard testimony to these allegations Agent Mulder.

Mulder

AND a conspiracy intended to destroy the lives of those who would reveal its true purpose. To conduct experiments on unwitting victims to further a secret agenda for someone within the government operating at levels without restraint or responsibility, without morals or conscience. Men who pretend to honor as they deceive, the price of this betrayal the lives and reputations of those deceived. Agent Scully...is lying in a hospital bed right now, diagnosed with terminal cancer. A victim of these same tests, conducted without her knowledge or consent. By these same men, who as they try to cover their tracks, who suborne and persecute the same people they have used in their plot, I will NOW call by name.

Agent Mulder did you, or did you not shoot the man found dead in your apartment?

Mulder

I will answer that question, Sir.

Did you shoot Scott Ostlehoff? Employee of the Department of Defense?

Mulder

I will answer that question, Sir.

Answer the question asked, Agent Mulder!

Mulder

I will answer the question after I name the man!

AGENT MULDER!

Mulder

I will answer that question after I name the man who's responsible for Agent Scully! The same man who directed that my apartment be surveilled by the DoD. A man I want to see prosecuted for his crimes! Who's sitting in this very room as I speak!

Agent Mulder, the Section Chief has asked you a question you are going to answer!

Mulder

I can't do that, sir!

You can and you will!

Mulder

I can't do that, sir because the Section Chief is the man I'm about to name!

Skinner

The Smoking Man's dead.

Mulder

How?

Skinner

Shot through his window. [Hands Mulder a photo of young Mulder and Samantha] Forensics found it at the scene. We're assuming it's his blood.

Mulder

Assuming?

Skinner

Well no body was found, though there was too much blood lost for anyone to have survived. (sighs) This afternoon when you named Blevins... how did you know?

Mulder

I didn't. I just guessed.

Skinner

Well it was a hell of a guess. Blevins had been on payroll for four years to a biotechnology company called Roush, which is somehow connected to all this.

Mulder

Well, I'm sure whatever connections there were, they're being erased right now.

Skinner

They're cleaning up, taking everything away.

Mulder

Not everything.. Scully's cancer's gone into remission.

Skinner

(looks shocked) That's unbelievable news.

Mulder

(grins) It's the best news I could have ever heard.

Skinner

What turned it around?

Mulder

I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know.

Skinner

Can I see her?

Mulder

Yeah, she's in there with her family right now, but I'm sure she'd love to see you.

Last year was something of a personal revelation. We were doing an exercise called "Team Builders," where we were given two minutes to build a tower out of ordinary office furniture.

When I stood on Mike's shoulders and I put that electric pencil sharpener on top of the pile, we both knew - we could never have done it alone.

Mulder

(leaning over to Scully, whispering) Kill me now.

You ever been to one of these team seminars, Agent Scully?

Scully

Um... I think I went to a constructive problem-solving course when I first joined the bureau.

Oh did you play that game where you can't use any negative words?

I couldn't believe how hard it was not to use the word "but!"

Mulder

(falsely enthusiastic) I'm having that same problem right now!

Have you ever been to a team seminar, Agent Mulder?

Mulder

(grinning at Scully) No. You know, unfortunately around this time of year, I always develop a severe hemorrhoidal condition.

Well, it builds muscles you didn't even know you had.

Communication. That's the key.

Sorry folks, it'll be a few minutes.

What's going on?

Got a little situation, that's all.

Mulder

(opens the car door and bolts) Thank you, Jesus.

[The three left in the car watch as Mulder walks off] Where's he goin'?

Scully

[Approaches Mulder in the woods as Michele Fazekas walks away] Mulder? We've got this conference. They're waiting.

Mulder

Yeah. How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully?

Scully

You want me to tell them that you're not gonna make it to this year's teamwork seminar.

Mulder

See? [Puts his hands on her arms and grins.] We don't need that conference! We have communication like that unspoken! You know what I'm thinking!

Scully

[Smiles and shakes her head]