(sarcastically) What else about this interests you? Could it be... [reading from magazine cover] "visitors from space?"
“Small Potatoes” · Season 4, Episode 20
In this episode: Dana Scully (8), Fox Mulder (7), Eddie Van Blundht (4)
Do you know who the father of your baby is?
AAmanda
His name is Luke Skywalker. He's what's known as a 'Jedi knight.'
Did he have a lightsaber?
AAmanda
No, he didn't bring it. He did sing a song for me though. (sings "Star Wars" theme)
How many times have you seen "Star Wars," Amanda?
AAmanda
368. I should break 400 by Memorial Day.
Take your best shot, Scully, but I think there's more going on here than Luke Skywalker and his lightsaber.
How would this happen?
The birds and the bees and the monkey babies, Mulder.
[Mr and Mrs Neiman, parents of one of the "monkey babies," are arguing as they head toward their doctor's office.]
NMrs Neiman
We're going to find the best lawyer we can, because I definitely plan to sue, that's all I'm saying, Fred!
NMr Neiman
Baboo, look, just let me do the talking, all right? [Mulder and Scully join the couple in walking toward the doctor's office entrance.]
NMrs Neiman
Just tell him we're gonna sue!
NMr Neiman
(to Mulder and Scully) Oh, you too, huh? [They exchange a confused look.]
I have a theory. Do you wanna hear it?
Van Blundht somehow physically transformed into his captor and walked out the door, leaving no one the wiser?
(pleased) Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?
So what are you saying, that Van Blundht's an alien?
(grinning) Not unless they have trailer parks in space.
Hey Scully, if you could be somebody else for a day, who would it be?
Hopefully myself.
So boring! I mean, wouldn't you be tempted to try on somebody else's existence for a day, live your life as somebody else?
Looking like someone else, Mulder, and being someone else are completely different things.
Well maybe it's not. I mean, everybody else around you would treat you like you were somebody else. I mean, ultimately, maybe it's other people's reactions to us who make us who we are.
(pauses for a while as they walk, thinking) All right then. Eleanor Roosevelt.
(regretful) Ay. Can't be a dead person.
(slightly annoyed) Why the hell not?
(as if it is a perfectly acceptable explanation) Because.
(a decaying body just fell out of the ceiling) You think the fall killed him?
(annoyed, looking at Mulder's "I Want To Believe" poster in his office, as Mulder) Good night! This is where my tax dollars go?!
[As Mulder, walks in to Mulder's apartment and looks around] Where the hell do I sleep?!
[To himself, as Mulder, looking in the mirror. Holds up FBI badge, practicing.] FBI. (slowly, exaggerated) F. ... B. ... I. FBI. (puts badge away; dramatically) You lookin' at me? There ain't nobody else here, you must be lookin' at me. You want a piece of this? (practices getting out his gun quickly; drops the clip as he does so; awkwardly puts it away again; sighs) You're a damn good lookin' man.
(pouring them each a glass of wine) Seriously, Mulder, what's going on? Are you okay?
(as Mulder) Just kind of... knockin around. Just thinking. We never really, uh, talk, do we?
Well- what do you mean? Really talk? No, no we don't, Mulder.
Well, what's stopping us?
[She pauses for a moment, as if considering. Scene cuts to the two of them drinking the last of the bottle of wine.]
So there we are, at 2 o'clock in the morning, me in my taffeta dress, and Marcus, wherever the hell he was, he was wearing a, uh, a tux. It had a... kelly green cumberbund on it. Anyway, so, I know that Marcus is thinking that it's now or never, and I'm thinking...
(smiling) What are you thinking?
I'm thinking, "What is that siren I hear getting louder?"
No way! Who called the cops?
Well it wasn't the cops, it was the fire department - my friend Silvia and her idiot prom date-
Burwood?!
-had built this campfire that went totally out of control and so we all had to ride back on the, um... what do you call it, the, um- the pumper truck! ("Mulder" laughs) Marcus was the 12th grade love of my life. (Starts to take a sip of wine, then starts laughing) I can't believe I'm telling you this.
I can't believe you haven't told me before.
Now I'm seeing a whole new side of you, Mulder.
(hopeful) Is that a good thing?
I like it.
Do you ever wish things were different?
What do you mean?
The person you wanted to be when you grew up when you were in high school. How far off from that did you end up?
Career wise? Miles off target.
No no, not just that. Do you ever wish... that you could go back and do it all differently?
(curious) Do you?
[Looks at her silently, scoots closer to her on the couch, then leans in close enough to kiss her. When he's about an inch from her lips, Scully closes her eyes, then the door is thrown open by the real Mulder. Scully makes a disgusted noise and pushes Van Blundht away; he sighs and turns back into himself. Scully looks horrified, he shrugs apologetically.]
I don't imagine you need to be told this, Mulder, but you're not a loser.
Yeah, but I'm no Eddie Van Blundht either, am I.
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