[to Gov. Ritchie] In the future, if you're wondering, "Crime. Boy, I don't know" is when I decided to kick your ass.
“Posse Comitatus” · Season 3
In this episode: Josiah Bartlet (5), Sam Seaborn (3), Toby Ziegler (2), Charlie Young (2), Leo McGarry (1), Debbie (1), Gov. Ritchie (1)
[when Ritchie is late] If ninety percent of success is showing up, we're just happy there's someone standing up for the other ten.
He [Gov. Ritchie] said that this was how ordinary Americans got their entertainment.
I've been to 441 baseball games at Yankee Stadium. There's not one person there who's ordinary.
I know.
You making fun of the Yankees?
Uh...no...
Now?
Is this a joke? If it's a joke, it's both funny and well-executed, but I think you and I both know that it's not. I send you out to replace Delores Landingham, and that's what you came home with?
Was she...?
She was an alpaca farmer who needed two tries to get her own name.
Well, sir, maybe...
Don't worry about it. I'm gonna get the Personnel Office on it. I got to go change for New York.
[Charlie walks out]
Okay. Okay, that was my fault. I didn't properly prepare you for the meeting. That was bad staff work. Before your next job interview with the President, I'm gonna remind you that you probably don't want to be stoned.
There's gonna be a second interview?
There's gonna be as many as it takes. We're gonna get this right.
Well, let me back you up a second. Have we done the first one yet?
I'm calling a cab now.
Okay.
He's [Gov. Ritchie] at the Yankee game right now?
Local news covered it. He said that this was how ordinary Americans got their entertainment.
I've been to 441 baseball games at Yankee Stadium. There's not a single person there who's ordinary.
I know.
You making fun of the Yankees?
Uh...no...
Now?
I'm not.
They went to the Yankee game.
He's coming at intermission.
Well, I'm not sure that suits me.
I know what you mean.
Making an entrance after the President. That's just not how we play bridge. It's not how we say cricket.
Okay, but you're starting to freak me out a little bit.
Just talk to me a minute.
How many people are at the game?
It's a good game. About 40,000 probably.
There was an incumbent President, who was facing a primary challenge, and on the day of the primary, his staff sent his motorcade into a district that was heavily favored by his opponent in order to tie up traffic. Now I would like it plain that I would never do anything to tamper with an election, but...
[Toby pats Sam's cheek a few times and squishes his mouth.]
I am so... proud of you.
You're really very much freaking me out.
What's going on?
Nothing, sir. [pause] I'll be arranging a second meeting with Deborah Fiderer when we get back to town.
From this afternoon?
Yes, sir.
Are you pledging a fraternity or something, 'cause this would be a good one.
Sir?
What's with you and this woman?
She hired me. That's why she was fired.
[Bartlet nods]
Civilians get trials.
I'd argue he's not a civilian. So would the Attorney General.
They're gonna find out it's us. We could make it look like the plane went down, but they're gonna find out it's us, and I'm gonna be running for reelection while I'm fighting a war against Qumar.
That's why you want to say no?
I want him tried.
That can't happen.
I understand.
I was talking this morning about how Mallory names all the lobsters in the tank.
Yeah.
Would it be helpful if I brought you a list of names of Shareef's victims?
What do you want from me?
Who was the monk who wrote, "I always don't know the right thing to do, Lord, but I think the fact that I want to please you pleases you." [beat] You have two minutes, sir.
This isn't a matter of religion.
Yes, sir.
I recognize that there's evil in the world.
What is your objection exactly, sir?
Doesn't this mean we join the league of ordinary nations?
That's your objection? I'm not gonna have trouble saying the Pledge of Allegiance tomorrow.
That's not my objection.
Sir...
It's just wrong. It's absolutely wrong.
I know, but you have to do it anyway.
Why?
'Cause you won.
[Bartlet pauses]
Take him.
You enjoying the play?
I am. How about you?
We just got here. We were at the Yankee game. We were, you know, hung up in traffic.
Yeah, I know. Listen, politics aside, and I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you probably insulted the church, and you can head it off at the pass if you speak to the Cardinal tonight.
Well, I didn't mean to insult anybody.
No.
And it's a baseball game. It's how ordinary Americans...
Yeah. [beat] No, I don't understand that. The center fielder for the Yankees is an accomplished classical guitarist. People who like baseball can't like books?
Are you taking this personally?
No. Something horrible happened about an hour ago. C.J. Cregg was getting threats so we put an agent on her. He's a good guy. He was on my detail for a while, and he was in Rosslyn. He walked in the middle of an armed robbery, and was shot and killed after detaining one of the suspects.
Oh. Crime...Boy, I don't know.
[nods, sighs] We should have a great debate, Rob. We owe it to everyone. When I was running as a governor, I didn't know anything. I made them start Bartlet College in my dining room. Two hours every morning on foreign affairs and the military. You can do that.
How many different ways you think you're gonna find to call me dumb?
I wasn't, Rob. But you've turned being un-engaged into a Zen-like thing, and you shouldn't enjoy it so much is all. And if it appears at times as if I don't like you, that's the reason why.
You're what my friends call a superior sumbitch. You're an academic elitist and a snob. You're, uh, Hollywood, you're weak, you're liberal, and you can't be trusted. And if it appears from time to time as if I don't like you, well, those are just a few of the many reasons why.
[Music begins in the theater]
They're playing my song. [stands and walks away, then turns back] In the future, if you're wondering, "Crime. Boy, I don't know" is when I decided to kick your ass.
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